Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Married/Otherwise Committed Men, Keep Thou Numbers to Yourself.

By Brilliance

As a young woman in search of her mate, I have to tell you there is nothing more annoying than a man who is committed to someone else hollering.

I was chit chatting with one of the homies about her new boo. He sounded like a seemingly decent man—he had a job, a home, and was doing well.

Until she said she asked him why he was single, and he replied, “actually I am not.”

Then she tells me “well, at least he was honest.”

What the Hell?????????

Honest about what, Booboo?? Honesty doesn’t negate the fact that he’s a jerk.

‘Mind you, this is the same friend who was cheated on horribly by an ex-boyfriend. So she went through the months of late night tears, and uncertainty. I was always calming her down after he shitted all over her heart over and over again.

Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, guys are NOT stupid. Men KNOW what they are doing. We, as women, make up so many excuses for their deviant behavior.

When a married/otherwise-committed man tells you he’s committed right away, basically what he’s saying is…

1) Don’t catch feelings because I am attached
2) I am just letting you know what’s up
3) I want you to be my other woman

4) I am sleeping with someone else regularly

Now he’s made a situation where you can’t make any demands on him.

You can’t expect him to take you out regularly. You can’t call him or expect him to call you when you want. By being upfront about everything, he thinks he’s absolving himself from any wrong doing because “he kept it real.”

Which brings me to my next point…

WTH is up with all these guys getting the “other woman” pregnant?

If I hear one more story about a man being in a relationship and getting his jump-off pregnant I am going to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wear an EFFIN’ condom, you douche bag.

Freakin’ IDIOTS.

What’s even more disturbing is that many of the women just accept it. Sweetheart, he’s just not that into you if he’s starting family with another woman. This is particularly unacceptable if he’s not your husband.

I mean, why are you buying pampers, clothing and everything? He had a baby. Not you.

And where do guys get the cajones to ask a woman to stay with him after having a child with someone else?

If she got pregnant by another man, most men would run out the door. Ask Maury.

I am done ranting. Lol Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below.


  1. Daryl P(Facebook)August 3, 2010 at 9:50 AM

    Because both parties accept what they are doing! In most cases the married person wants to know that they still got it. The person that is not married wants to see if they can get a married person to cheat, or the single person doesn't want the responsibility that comes with commitment so they can handle someone that comes around when they want and leaves when they want them to because they eventually have to go home to their spouse.

  2. the lonely woman aka the other other woman will eventually want more and is the FOOL in the end b/c she know betta ! Yes, he is wrong but she is just as DUMB

    Some woman are just PLAIN lonely and simply don't care nor think about how their actions with men who are ""tied down"" will affect them mentally in the long run.

    Short term, its feels good to the woman ... to be held, to be sexxxed, to have someone to laugh and joke with, occasional dinners when he can SQQQQUUEEEZZEEE in some extra time for her (( just enough time to keep stringing her along )) ...

    Long Term , she will want more, those feelings and emotions that she supressed will arise and are now strong enough to let Mr. ""Tied Down"" know that he needs to step it up, spend more time with her, bring her around his friends, and questions will be asked 'why can't you stay til the morning' and so fourth ....

    THE ENDING: He withdrawls hisself from the situation, she looking stupid, feeling hurt and thinking N#GGAS aint shit .... it was your choice to date the "TIED DOWN" man

  3. @ Daryl, still got what? I mean, when you're married what you have is a committed partner. A single woman who is committed to a married man is hoping that man is going to leave his wife. He's not and if he does, that should show you how he feels about marriage. IJS.

  4. @ Christina, it's very easy to place blame on the woman. Not to say that it isn't her fault, but married men are more wrong than the single woman. The single woman is single. He's the one out to destroy whatever life he has for some ass. I just don't get it. lol

  5. no... what's freaking annoying is the women that actually take up with them!!! These men will only do what women let them. I honestly wouldn't kno why women don't.... I would say that these women are just lonely but I've never been on that side of the fence to actually say WHY women do this. Thanks for this Brillance! I'm gonna write another blog in mind on the contrary to this

  6. I am not taking up for men who dawg women but women have a choice ... nobody put a gun to her head to mingle with married men. Hell yes, the man is absolutely wrong as well b/c he is not honoring his marriage vowels and being unfaithful til his wife.

    Keona, you should do a blog on contrversial topic of dating while seperated from your spouse !

  7. Mz.Kewe, I understand your point but I think that women get the finger pointed at them all the time. Men have a responsibility in this too. They are the committed ones, and they should be called out on it. A single woman is just that, single and free to date who she wants. It's not wise to date a married man, and I am strongly against it, but at the end of the day, she's not the committed one.

  8. The 'lonely, low self-confidence, home-wrecker' spill is SOOOO old!

    Has anyone ever thought that the MAN is the actually DUMBIE in this forbidden love triangle??

    Being the 'other woman' is not always getting the short end of the stick, the other woman:

    -unattached (free to mingle)
    -can come and go as she pleases (tell your butt to go home when she gets tired of you)
    -has no responsibility to the man (like the wife or girlfriend does)

    People LOVE to knock the home-wreckers, but its all in how you look at it and what you allow to happen...

    Honestly, the wifey who is getting cheated on and the husband who has to work twice as hard get the worst end of the deal, IMO! Supposed home-wreckers can exit the scene at any time...

  9. It is better to be single then in the wrong relationship. To answer the question, both sides (men and women) promote this behavior. If you are with the one you truly love you won't have the desire or need to say "I can look but not touch". Why? The answer is simple you have touched the one you love and don't desire to be touched by another for you soul has been touched inside out. When you are led by the heart the soul and mind follows. When you are led by the flesh drama comes knocking.

    "and we are not saved..."

  10. STPC - *exhale* BEAUTIFUL stuff and quite true! I have my own opinions about the effects of committed 'folks' cheating, but it is inarguable that when you are with the ONE, you will be satisfied right where you are. Thanks for commenting - good stuff!

  11. @Ms Qui: I agree with all your sentiments entirely! The other woman gets the best deal in this situation, if she's the type of woman who can have sex with someone and not get too attached. The "lonely, sad, desperate other woman" idea really is kind of tired: we are in 2010, and we are dealing with a slightly different type of woman here.

    @Smell the Political Coffee: that is beautiful, really, and in an ideal world it would be totally true. But I can't say that I agree because we don't live in an ideal world. Regarding this bit: "If you are with the one you truly love you won't have the desire or need to say "I can look but not touch". Why? The answer is simple you have touched the one you love and don't desire to be touched by another for you soul has been touched inside out." Well, I'll just say that that is arguable, to echo Ms. Qui.

  12. The issue concerns our own choices and taking responsibility for them. While we cannot control what another person does or does not do, we are definitely in control of our own choices. If you choose to jump off of a diving board into a pool, it's not an exercise in rocket science to figure out that you are going to get wet! And such is the same with our choices. In many cases if not most, we already know or have reason to know of the outcome well before we make the choice. As such, there is no need to feel surprised, disappointed, betrayed or used when the chips fall. It’s kind of like the end of a Spades game. 9 of the 13 Spades have been played and the Big Joker is still out there. At this point, you know damn good and well that everybody has one card left. Duh! One person plays. No Big Joker. The second person plays. No Big Joker. And then here you come with your Ace of Spade as your partner gives you the gas face! Again an exercise in rocket science this is not! Get ready to get that butt spanked! You knew better so now deal with the consequences! LOL!

  13. @ Ms. Qui, cosign!

    Couldn't have said it better.

  14. @STPC, I totally agree. That's why it trips me out when women are like cool with a dating a married man. My ultimate question is always "why." I have enough trouble with single men and their drama, let alone a married man. lol

  15. @ Corey, loving the metaphors and similes. Why do you think married men give out their numbers?

    And nobody has talked about the men who are getting the other woman pregnant. Please explain that one. lol

  16. @ Corey - Brilliance is right...the metaphor is hilarious! LOVE IT!

    @ Brilliance - You said, "men who are getting the other women pregnant..." don't you mean, these women who are allowing themselves to get pregnant!?!?

  17. Nope... I am talking about the men who are getting the other woman pregnant. I know several ladies who were the "main" girl, and their boyfriends got their jump offs pregnant.

  18. Wow...

    Now, a man who is INTENDING to get the 'jump off' pregnant is hardly afraid of getting caught...he is a whole 'nother blog entirely!

    I will say this, though. I don't condone women to be 'side pieces,' but to get pregnant (on purpose) takes the entire situation to a ridiculous level of disrespect. I would feel most sorry for the child who will have to most likely have to endure either an absent parent, a strained relationship with one or more parents, or possibly resentment from the 'main woman/man' and any other children they may have.

  19. I think both ppl are to BLAME! The man has no value or respect for God, the oath he took, or himself, let alone his wife and children. Nor does the single woman value herself enough to understand she deserves her OWN MAN that will love her endlessly and eventually marry her one day. Both ppl are setting themselves up to reap what they have sewn, which will be grief!!!!

  20. @Brilliance Kudos, another great blog! In response to the husbands impregnating the jumpoffs, I don't think they calculated that ever happening. LMBO! Oddly enough, I just saw an episode of Cheaters the other day where ole boy gets the sidechick preggers and politely escorts her behind to the abortion clinic to rectify the situation. MADNESS, right!

    @Daryl P Is that REALLY why men cheat? Um, I don't think so.

    @Mz Kewe I cannot believe you and I are in agreement on this one, girl. Men only do what women allow them to do, and men wouldn't cheat if there weren't countless women willing and able to be a side piece. But I can also see what Miss Berneta and Miss Qui Vive are saying about the freedom that comes with being the other woman. While I don't agree with being a homewrecker, I think it's all based upon what "you allow to happen," as Miss Qui stated. I've known quite a few mistresses who were miserable and adamant that the hubby would eventually leave his wife. Some of them are STILL waiting!

    @Kenya Thanks for stopping through again! Like you, I think the husband and the mistress are at fault in these situations, which most often ends in disaster.

    @STPC & Corey I'm LOVING your comments! Thanks for offering the male perspective.