Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
By GuestBug justJames
- Be Specific And Stand On God's Word! (Psalm 119:65)
- Ask God For What You Want! (John 16:23-24)
- Be Positive In Your Thinking! (Luke 12:22)
- Guard Your Mind! (Isaiah 55:9)
- Meditation Is The Key To Successful Prayer! (Joshua 1:8)
- Continually Thank God For The Answer! (Philippians 4:6)
- Make Every Prayer A Statement Of Faith! (Isaiah 43:26)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Some Spring Day in Downtown Springfield, Missouri - 2006
After locking my bike onto a rack, I cross the street. The street is typically empty around mid-day, and this day is no exception. I head to Mudhouse Coffee, ready to sit and do some hearty pleasure reading. Just when I make it to the other side, I hear, “Hey, hey, pssst!” I roll my eyes, thinking, “Oh, lord, leave me alone.” I turn around: this is probably my first mistake. “Yeah, come here,” says a black guy with a cap twisted to the left side, as he sits in the passenger side of his best friend’s car. Or maybe his brother’s car. Imagine how much I don’t care.
I offer a nod and resume walking. Then, I hear, “Come on, girl, how you gon do me like that?” Mudhouse is a block away, and I realize these idiots are going to creep beside me in their car until I make it to my destination.
This has happened a few times before. I was in high school in Little Rock the first time it happened, and I was out walking with my younger cousin who was visiting from Dallas. A car containing at least three guys pulled up, and two of them tried to holler at us as the driver crept at a slow pace. I tried to ignore them as they talked: “Yo, come on, I just want a number,” “You can’t give a nigga a number?” Before I knew it, my younger cousin turned to one of the boys, and yelled, “Boo nigga!” I almost fell out laughing. I almost felt bad for those boys. And either they were embarrassed or they thought she was crazy because they promptly drove off. I think I heard one of them mutter, “bitch” right before they turned the corner.
I’m not thinking about that high school moment as these dudes harass me in Springfield. I am thinking about how annoyed I am. I look at the boy who’s talking to me, and all I can think is, “Negro please.” Just imagine Pam from Martin, the TV show, talking to Cole. That’s the voice I have in my head.
Finally, I turn to the boy – he certainly wasn’t acting like a man, so I dare not call him one – and I say in as civilized a fashion as I can manage, “I am not interested, okay. So, you go on” – I actually wave my hand, as if to shew them away – “and have a good day.” I didn’t smile. I didn’t mean it nicely. I meant, “Go on, now, before I get really real with you.”
He mumbles something along the lines of, “For real? Not even a number?” I don’t reply. Before they drive off, he offers, “You have a good day too, then, Miss Lady.” And that is it. I never saw the boy again.
Some Summer Day in Downtown Iowa City, Iowa - 2009
“Hey, hey, hey, slow down Miss Lady,” says an older black guy, in his forties probably. He has a chipped front tooth. I wonder why they are always calling me “Miss Lady.” I guess it could be “bitch,” so maybe I should be thankful.
I am crossing the street in one direction and he is crossing in the other direction, wearing baggy gray sweatpants and an ill-fitting white t-shirt. This man actually switches directions in order to walk alongside me. It’s the same man who once sat right next to me on the bus and proceeded to pester me with stupid come-ons for all of fifteen minutes, while I proceeded to make him feel like an idiot, again in the most civilized manner I could manage. “You know I’m your number one fan,” he told me the first time he talked to me on the bus. When I told him that was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard, that hopefully he was joking, he then explained that he’d seen me in the grocery store once and spoke to me, that surely I should remember him. I shook my head: “Nope. I remember faces. And yours ain’t one I’ve seen.” Then, I turned away to read my book. He continued yappering, and I essentially ignored him until he shut up.
This time, on the street, I waved him away, just as I’d done that boy in the passenger seat several years earlier. And, just like that boy, he quickly got the hint, said, “All right. I see how it’s gon be,” and turned in the other direction. He doesn’t bother speaking to me anymore when he sees me.
A Cold Day in May in Chicago - 2009
I am by myself on the University of Chicago campus, walking and taking in some of the neighborhood. The area starts to look a little sketchy and I take a turn onto a more pleasant looking street, where I find a coffeehouse. I get a soy vanilla latte and leave the coffeehouse. As I’m making my way back to the hostel on campus, this young black dude crosses the street to talk to me. He’s wearing a baseball cap, turned to the back and slightly sagging pants. He asks me my name and I refuse to tell him, but he just goes on, nicely: “Oh, I ain’t trying to be all up in your face or nothing.” I glance at him, trying to see what he’s about.
“I just wanted to catch up to you so I can tell you your style is hot. I like it,” he says. "I was telling my boy over there," he pointed back toward the corner where another similarly clad black man was standing, "and he was like, 'You oughta go tell her'."
My fro is standing high and I am wearing a light blue wool peacoat and wide flare (bell-bottom) pants. I probably look like I stepped out of a Shaft film. It’s late May and I am still wearing a peacoat. Thank you, Chicago, for your never-ending winters. “That's nice. Thanks,” I say to the man. He smiles, and as he stops to cross back to the other side of the street, he tells me, “Stay beautiful, sista.” I nod. I probably even smile a little as I say, “You have a good day, now!”
That last scene captures the majority of encounters I’ve had on the street with random black men. I wouldn't call what happened in that scene harassment. Maybe I didn't want to be bothered, but the man was respectful and kind. I have no problem nodding, smiling, or holding casual conversation with a stranger - so long as I'm not in a hurry. In fact, I like interacting with strangers. Makes me feel all connected to the world and stuff. But many women might consider what happened in that scene a form of harassment - a benign sort of harassment. While I wouldn't agree, I guess I can see where such women would be coming from. If you don't want to be bothered, you don't want to be bothered, and people should respect your right not to be bothered.
Like many women, though, I’ve had my share of run-ins with jerks, encounters more violent than the ones I’ve shared above:
- I spent second semester of my junior year in London. There, a dreadlocked light-skinned guy actually grabbed my arm in the middle of Piccadilly Circus one night and tried to make me drink from his bottle of Hypnotic. I shit you not. Although pepper spray was then illegal to carry in London - I only found that out once I left London - I was seconds away from spraying him. I must have hurled every curse word and hateful thing I could think of at that guy, as my friend dragged me away from him. I'm pretty sure I tried to spit on him.
- The first time I ever visited Chicago – junior year of college – I went with two white male friends, and when we ended up on a dodgy street at night, a couple of black guys tried to holler at me, yelling all kinds of tacky shit at me, like, “Damn, you fine as hell,” or “Damn, you a little skinny, but I like skinny women.” When I rejected them, they launched all kinds of obscenities at me, obscenities that mainly pertained to my being with two white dudes: “sell out bitch,” “cheap hoe,” etc. I ignored them and kept walking. Because it was my first time in a big city, it didn’t even cross my mind that their verbal violence could turn physical. Luckily, it didn’t. That same night, I was on the train with my two friends, when two black boys tried to videotape me and some random white girl on their videophone. They said some nasty, sleazy shit to me and that girl. The white girl looked utterly terrified. I, however, having already been thoroughly pissed off by the earlier encounter, turned and told the boys that I would fuck them up if they didn’t take that camera off of me at that moment. I know they could have hurt me, but I didn’t care. I’ve never been one to walk through the world fearful of men, letting them talk to me any kind of way. (It should be noted that my two friends didn't say a damn thing. They actually shushed me when I started going off on the two guys. I'm often amazed at how often men are complicit in the sexist-oppressive behavior of other men. Or else just too intimidated to oppose them.)
My experience with this problem – street harassment – has admittedly been more fortunate than others. Guys usually smile at me or else speak respectfully to me. And when I refuse to speak to them, they usually turn and find some other poor girl to antagonize. Maybe I have some sort of look about me that says, “I really ain’t got time for bullshit.” I don’t know. What I do know is that some of my experiences have been far from pleasant, and it pains me to realize that I have been lucky, that some girls receive far worse.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Hello My Lovelies by inheritance! It's TOAR here with more Random Writing Chaos!
This Month is about a friend's heartbreak.
I have REPEATEDLY written about worthless friends because that is
something that I hold true to my heart. Since I am an only child, I look
for companionship through the relationships that I have with other
people, especially my friends.
In High School, I was the girl that was friends with everybody - pretty
damn popular but not in the 'Skank' kinda way. I was captain of almost
all of the girls sports teams and Senior Class President. I had a fucked
up attitude when I was pissed off but overall, I was pretty outgoing and
down to earth. Back then I had 3 best friends. I couldn't believe it!
Some people aren't even blessed to have 1 but I had 3. Therefore I was
officially the shit - one for every occasion: party chick, emotional,
and the one.
Party Chick and I always went out - one whole summer of partying. It
didn't matter where or when - we were there. Emo, well she was always
there when I was feeling insecure and vice versa. The One - we've been
friends for about 10 years now, before high school she was there.
It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a
garden with strangers.
Now that I am in my last year of college - I am only down to "The One."
Emotional got exchanged because of lack of contact for another emotional
in college. Then EMO #2 dipped out on me because she was jealous of my
relationship (same with party chick) and her "fiance" didn't like that I
made my own decisions, in a nut shell. This one hurt the most.
All of my Friends, The One included, got jealous of my continuing
education. I feel like either you are going to get on my band wagon and
do something positive with your life, or you aren't. I don't want to
affiliate my self with people who can't determine where their life is
going or have any goals to get there. Now I am not saying that you have
to go to a 4 year university and become a rocket scientist, but damn -
not sitting at home with your momma all day playing video games; going
to the club every weekend and spend your last $10 to get in; asking
where the weed man is at. Luckly for The One, she hopped on - otherwise
her ass was going to get dismissed too. I hate to sound like a bitch but
it is the truth.
People come into
your life for
a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME,
when you figure out which it is,
you know exactly what to do.
So here is the point. I just learned the lesson of friends. You grow up
and grow apart, loss of contact, or jealousy all plays a role. In all
these situations, the biggest factor I seen was the relationships. I
just want to know why? I am the kind of person that doesn't care if your
boyfriend doesn't like my high spirit or my potty mouth; I am YOUR
friend, not his. I can tolerate him because I love YOU. Why did you care
if my ring looked better then yours? Why can't you have a brain of your
own? Why can't you decipher between "girl friend talk" and "relationship
talk"? Why did you pick HIM over ME?
Let's get this straight, I haven't been the "Saint" of friendships
either but throughout all of my discrepancies, I came back to apologize
and make right because like I said before, nothing is more important to
me than my close friends.
I figured out that I just won't talk about my relationships with my
friends. The good or bad. It is so messed up that I had to loose so many
and experience so much friendship heartbreak it will scar me for life.
But that is the price you pay when you want a positive circle around you
and in the end, positive people will just gravitate into your life and
everyone's happy! I hope to find my "Sex in the City Friends."
PS. Do you ever notice how women just talk to their bff's about the
bad shit in their relationship?
A real friend is
one who walks in when the rest of the world walks
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Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
"I believe self-confidence must be achieved in order for one to have what is called hair confidence. True self-confidence (and inner beauty) will radiate through your body and out through your split ends, curls, dreadlocks, crinkles, twists, braids, or what have you. Look in an "Objects Are Closer Than They Appear" mirror and really evaluate you. Then, you'll be able to recognize, love, and appreciate your strands. You'll glow like something luminous, and your hair will flow in a natural wind.
"About three years ago, I transitioned from relaxed hair to natural, and it was truly an experience. Seven months into the transition I cut my hair and really went from “every six week relaxer girl with straight hair almost touching the middle of her back” to “girl with tiny wanna be locs that wouldn't hold for the world” I found myself putting on flashy earrings and MAC eye shadow to “help me out.” I’d always been hair confident, but that drastic change shocked me. What was I to do without any hair? But I did have hair, to go with a beautiful face and perfect skin tone (I’m not conceited at all). I had to quickly snap out of and realize that my hair was what I’d wanted it to be. A beautiful part of me."
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Public relations (PR) – noun
- the actions of a corporation, store, government, individual, etc., in promoting goodwill between itself and the public, the community, employees, customers, etc.
- the art, technique, or profession of promoting such goodwill
I have a theory. Whenever you meet someone new, you always put your best foot forward. You project yourself in a manner that shows more of the likable parts than not. You aren’t acting insecure or timid (or maybe you are, I don’t know); you’re a gorgeous, confident diva who doesn’t take any crap. Well, I call this good PR.
When it comes to online dating, it’s very easy to do. You write a happy description of yourself and your likes; in my experience, if you come off as a “Debbie Downer,” guys aren’t into it. Think about it: if you read a guy’s profile and it’s even the slightest bit pessimistic…it’s not really attractive, is it?
So people keep it peppy. It’s almost like the type of PR you put out for a job interview; instead of a new job, it’s a new mate. The first few exchanges are like the preliminary round. A few email/phone call/text messages later, you’re out on date #1. Date #1 is like your first in-person interview. You dress to the nines for the occasion, and if you hit it off, it’s date #2. If it keeps going at this rate, who knows where you end up. At some point, you let the walls down and show it all, the good and the bad. And that’s the true test.
Have you ever been out with someone and after a few dates you slowly realize this person is not the person you thought they were? I once dated a guy who kept it up for a whole three months. He was a soft-spoken, laid back rocker type who was totally the observer. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m a talker. I mean I can talk you into next Tuesday if you let me, but not about superficial topics of conversation. And I did most of the talking. The thing was, he was the exact opposite of what he presented. I’m a liberal, so he was liberal. But he really wasn’t. To each his own, but own it, feel me? After three months, his true self came out, and it wasn’t for me. He just had such good PR, he didn’t PR any of his actual qualities.
So in my quest for online love, I’ve seen this more often than not. I read a guy’s profile, he sounds pretty rad, we talk on the phone, he can carry on an intelligent conversation, we meet, and there’s always something. Like date #15 whose profile said he was 5’9”, but when we met he was actually 5’6”. Or date #1 whose profile said he was looking for long-term, but then told me he was really just looking for a friend. The point is, whether I’m online through my profile or meeting someone in person, I’m not projecting my insecurities; I am trying to keep it real. Good PR only takes you so far; the rest has to come from you, baby!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
By GuestBug justJames
It's what separates man from animals. Animals are preprogrammed by God. Everything an animal does from eating, to migrating, to finding a mate, even having sex... It's all preprogrammed.
But we are different, we have the power to make decisions. At the core of your life, you will find decisions. So you're an adult and you make all your own decisions right? Why aren't you living the life you want? Why do you only pretend to be happy and content in front of others, but secretly you are still trying to "find your purpose"?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
10. CAR INSURANCE- is it ILLEGAL to drive around without it??? I mean, I could understand if I was a bad driver and had a car accident or 2… but what about the people whose never had a ticket before??? What that about… if it’s the LAW to have car insurance… why isn’t it law and or cheaper to have HEALTH insurance?? So If my car breaks down… then its covered but if I break down and I’m unemployed… I’m screwed???!!!
9.40 hr work week- Why do I have to work this???? How about 20 hrs??? And more importantly… why do I need to work this in order to get benefits at my job… actually…. Why do I need a JOB in order to get mediocre health care benefits?? Can somebody answer me this?? Please???
8. Merchant charges- you ever been somewhere and in order to use your debit or credit card THEY CHARGE YOU???? WTH??? I have to PAY in order to PAY YOU??? And the cold part about it is that every company has to pay a fee whenever a customer decides to use their own bank cards… so why would you charge me something that ALL MERCHANTS HAVE TO PAY!!! And while we’re at it! ATM FEES! DIE PLEASE!!!!
7. Gratuity- while I’m on the money rant! Let’s talk about how this one! Hmm… Last I checked… the definition of the word GRATUITY meant
“: something given voluntarily or beyond obligation usually for some service; especially : TIP”
Key word… VOLUNTARILY without obligation… so… why is that.. this GRATUITY is demanded at restaurants in a party of 6 or more….. Huh?? Did I miss something?? Explain this to me?
6. TSA at the Airport-I don’t know how many time ive had my facial cleanser, Nair or anything liquid thrown away… come on… DO I LOOK LIKE I KNOW HOW TO BLOW UP A PLANE???? Yet we still have almost successful attempts to blow up planes… GOSH DARNIT! I WANT MY STUFF BACK! Matter of fact… this terrorist scare is bullcrap as well!
5. Obama is Muslim- first off … do we not all remember the whole scandal surrounding Obama.. CHRISTIAN PASTOR!! The Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Obama's pastor for the last 20 years at the Trinity United Church of Christ on Chicago's south side, the man who wed him and Michelle and baptized both his daughters??? So … does this make him Muslim?? His dad may have been… but Obama only spend 2 months of his life with his dad when he was 10… I hardly find that influencing. Besides… even if he WAS a Muslim, does that hinder him from serving as our leader? Does that make him less of one? Last I checked… Muslim was only a religion.
4. Prop 8 - my eyes have been open on why this was such a big deal! Although much opposed this law from the beginning, this law wasn’t enforced under Christian principles… like they would like you to believe… no its due to the lost in taxes the state suffers. If Gay were allowed to marry then they would gain the benefits of all married couples.. YET they are less likely to reproduce OR have children… in which would mean less taxes they pay to the state.. think about it.. if America was so set on “Christian Principles” we would all be forced into one religion…. Think about it for a sec ………….
3. Use of Bluetooth instead of cell phone -they say that by using a cell phone while driving you’re as safe as a drunk driver on the road… which I can agree… however…. What difference does using a bluetooth make???? Your still using the phone…. Does it really make a difference that the phone is NOT in your hand??? Who using 2 hands to drive anyway???
2. 2012- c’mon son!! Even if the world would end in 2012… do you think we are intelligent enough to KNOW ABOUT IT before hand???!!!!!???
1.Swine Flu – this scared people into the biggest frenzy ive ever seen!!! Why were we so scared of swine flu??? So a flu that I can only catch by touching something that may have been contaminated prior… that has the SAME symptoms as the regular flu…. Is suppose to scare me??? Just make sure everyone washes yours hands. That’s all you gotta do! Besides… did you know that the regular Influenza kills 800 people a week each flu season AND its AIRBORNE!?? But im scared of Swine??? WTH??? This was way over blown than it needed to be! And I BLAME THE MEDIA!!!
Well that’s my rant for BS things as for now… Readers???? What are some things that you find to be total BS that’s pissing you off