The Problem I have with Home Wreckers

There's been a lot of commotion centered around the newly surfacing occurrences of home wrecking in our society; especially in our Celebrity world. Everyone, from social networking sites such as Facebook, to bloggers in the blogosphere, to news stations such as CNN is broadcasting every piece of information concerning the latest "home wrecker, "legal matters or what juicy gossip may arise. I'm sure everyone's familiar with the "Top 3" home wrecking women in today's Celebrity World; Alicia Keys, Gabrielle Union and Fantasia Barrino, but In all fairness, let me go on ahead and sum of the situation concerning these ladies.

Alicia Keys- Accused of breaking up the marriage of Rap Artist and Record Producer Kasseem Dean ( AKA Swizz Beatz) and former wife and Singer Mashonda Tifrere -Dean. Supposedly, the two have been secretly involved with one another for two years during Dean's marriage, but didn't announce their involvement with one another until after the divorce was finalized. According to MaShonda, she had suspicions of the love affair, but when she questioned the both of them, they denied their involvement. When in May 2009, both Swizz Beatz and Ms Keys announced the two's involvement, MaShonda grew upset and lashed out to Ms Keys in the infamous Twitter message addressed to Alicia. Now, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz have married one another and are expecting their first child in November

Gabrielle Union- Recently announced her involvement with NBA All Star Dwayne Wade, once his divorce from his Ex Wife was finalized. Like Alicia and Swizz, the 37 year old Gabrielle Union and 28 year old Dwayne Wade kept the relationship under wraps to avoid bad press or any other suspicions. Siohvaughn, Wade's Ex wife, has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against Union in the following months of the finalization of their divorce, accusing Union of many " inappropriate behavior including "engaging in sexual foreplay" with Wade in front of their two young sons, 8 and 2; and other accusations of endangering the boys mental and physical health

Fantasia Barrino- Who, might I add, received the BUTT of public scrutiny, is currently dating Antwuan Cook, who recently divorced his wife. The two have been involved with one another for over a year during the time Cook was married to his wife. Although Barrino claims that Cook and his wife were separated during that time, Mrs Cook didn't see it that way and filed a lawsuit against Barrino accusing her of "seducing her husband" and having an affair with him while he was still living in the home.Overwhelmed by the lawsuit, Barrino was hospitalized under the suspicions of attempted suicide. After this incident, news stations such as CNN took full coverage of her story, revealing to the media as much information possible, including claims that it was all a publicity stunt.

So what's the connection with these 3 stories? All of these women, some who you may have least expected, got involved with Married men, and not long after, these men end up divorcing their current wives and embark on relationships and even MARRIAGE with the "other woman." And seemingly, the Ex wife takes her frustration out on the other woman in the situation.

SO here's my Problem with these situations

Why is it... that not only the wives involved but the media, tabloids and press, tend to seek vengeance against the OTHER WOMAN in the situation and not the man? Last I checked, the man wrote and took the vows to stay faithful to his wife on their wedding, be a provider, protector and willing to work through whatever problems the two may have in the marriage. He and his wife set up a Home, kids, and at the time, a future to stay together "for better or for worse" and "till death due us part." Now that the husband steps out and violates his marital vows, it seems as if the Other woman is the one who receives public criticism, as if she had the upper hand in this decision to breach the marital contract between the man and his wife.

Now, let's not overlook the women in this situation who have been affected in the worst way in this situation. I don't want to down play their feelings by any means. I mean, I can only imagine how it must feel to have dreams and aspirations of a beautiful marriage, family and life, all to have it seemingly stolen away by someone else.

Little Known Fact ( and case in point):

How many of you knew about the baby girl named Nicole Jahna whom a woman by the last name of Sebastian gave birth to by Swizz Beatz back in July of 2008?? This child was conceived DURING his marriage to MaShonda. However, this particular incident was swept under the rug and overlooked by MaShonda. Now that he is currently involved with Alicia Keys, it's a completely different story! Why isn't Swizz Beatz held accountable for anything?? He clearly stepped out on his wife on more than one account with more than one woman.

And the WOMAN gets the bad rap???

Homes broken, dreams crushed and in most cases, finances in a bind, but, my question to these wives and the media in general... who exactly is the REAL Home wrecker?

Back to the Future Series - "The Problem"

The last time we got together, we began dialoguing about the lasting effects slavery has had on America. As we continue, let's dig a bit deeper...

Before attempting to solve any problem, you have to first define it. Only then will you have adequate information to determine its effects and find a solution.

THE PROBLEM: "Mentacide"

For African-Americans, we have had to endure physical abuse - everything from hundreds of whips on our backs to our necks hanging in nooses, while swinging from trees - the likes of which society urges us to forget. As grotesque (and unwarranted) as these actions against the black race was, I am inclined to argue that the lasting mental effects slavery has produced are far worse than the temporary physical results. Carter G. Woodson, known as the Father of Black History, stated, "when you control a man's thinking, you do not have to worry about his actions." The most devastating impact slavery has had on African Americans is not physical, but rather, psychological. Centuries after slavery has ended, many African Americans are still mentally chained to the plantation.

However, as mentioned in my intro blog to this series, MENTACIDE not only affects African Americans, but also affects White Americans as well. How naive to think that we (blacks, whites, and other races) all live together, but are unaffected by the same things. The impact of how events affect us all can be likened to a city that is shaken by an earthquake. The rumblings of the earth show no favor in the foundations of the homes they shake, destruction of bridges and roadways, or lives they happen to take - but at the end of the disaster, the damage is undeniable. Just as a natural disaster can devastate an entire community, a social tragedy (such as slavery), can leave a society in shambles.

African Americans are bombarded with negative pieces of information that conveniently highlight our inability to...for lack of better terminology, GET IT TOGETHER - BUT, are our white counterparts as together as some would like to believe? In my opinion, the answer is simple. NO.


While many African Americans live in an irrational belief of inferiority and fear, just as many White Americans live in a state of superiority and denial. This flawed thought process on both parties' parts is directly related to the master/slave relationship blacks and whites had during slavery. The dynamics and resulting actions of this defective bond has been ingrained in all of our brains and behaviors over many generations...and of course, it will take more than one generation to reverse its effects.

Speaking of 'its' effects, that is the subject of our next conversation. So, let's meditate and let this marinate. Until next month, speak your piece...

"In order to liberate the [Black] mind, we have to change and fundamentally transform the consciousness of the [Black] individual." - Gershom Williams

This liberation applies to ALL minds.

Contact Ms Qui at: msquivive@gmail.com

Who is this Weird Chick? Why We Need More Weirdos in Black Music

Weirdo: an odd, eccentric, or unconventional person.

Some time ago, I was over at Clutch Magazine, watching Janelle Monae’s latest video, a remix of “Tightrope,” featuring Lupe Fiasco and B.O.B. While I’m not sure that I liked the collaboration, I found myself interested in some of the readers’ comments about Janelle Monae. I decided to check other posts and reader’s comments about her on the site. One post, a summary of an interview done with Rolling Stone Magazine, discussed her response to lesbian rumors. Her evasion of the questions is pretty hilarious and actually rather clever. But I was really taken by one of the reader’s comments:

Fox says:

July 10, 2010 at 11:40 am

LOL. I’m not gonna lie when I first saw her I said, “Who is this weird chick?” But she is doing her thing and obviously doesn’t care about what people are saying. She doesn’t owe anyone any explanation about her personal life because they don’t have to live it. I respect that! I love her answers.

I’m not remotely concerned about her private life, although I would be pretty ecstatic to find out that she is a lesbian or bisexual. However, I’m mostly interested in one aspect of Fox’s comments: “Who is this weird chick?” Yes, she is weird. It hit me: actually, we need more weird chicks and dudes on the black music scene. Indeed, one of our weirdest musicians, Michael Jackson, is no longer with us. I’m not saying we need them to be THAT weird, no offense to MJ. Maybe Prince weird…at least he’s still alive and didn’t f-up his face in the name of trying to be something that he’s not.

So, it got me to thinking. I LOVE the weird black artists who manage to rise from the underground. Janelle Monae. The Noisette’s lead singer Shinga Shoniwa. TV on the Radio. Bloc Party's lead singer Kele Okereke. Kanye West (check out the recent photo leak of him with a faux-hawk/mullet licking the faded head of his girlfriend. Pretty weird.). Santogold. Ebony Bones. Bilal. Andre 3000. Cody Chestnutt. Gnarls Barkley. Erykah Badu (Queen of Weird). Grace Jones (High Priestess of Weird). Prince (His Majesty Weirdness).

We need more black music weirdos! Why? They are fun. They liven things up and keep us on our toes. But, more importantly, they help break up some of the monotonous conformity on the black music scene. They challenge the world of black music and the world of music in general to keep up and keep evolving. As much as I can’t stand Lil Wayne, I even appreciate him (only slightly) for his strange persona, especially in light of a recent rock video, “Knockout,” that he did with Nicki Minaj.

Black music weirdos are most important, perhaps, because they are a refreshing change for overlooked and underappreciated black weirdos everywhere. For all those black girls who don’t subscribe to certain general beauty standards, who listen to everything from David Bowie and Franz Ferdinand to Curtis Mayfield and Jill Scott, who you can catch everywhere from “beauty to thrift stores” (to quote Common). For those girls…for girls like me, folks like Janelle Monae and Andre 3000 and Prince allow us to see ourselves reflected in pop culture. For all those black boys rocking faux hawks and skinny jeans, rocking out to everything from The Doors and TV on the Radio to Lupe Fiasco and Lenny Williams, who you can catch everywhere from the hood to the suburbs. For those black boys, artists like Cee-lo of Gnarls Barkley and Cody Chestnut allow them a point of entry, someone they can identify with.

So bring on the weirdos! They are steadily filling up my Ipod, and I can’t wait for more. Who are some of your favorite weird black musicians, old and new?

Be sure to check out some of the songs in the playlist below. Click to play any song, and enjoy!