The Seven Steps of Answered Prayer Are

By GuestBug justJames

1. Be Specific And Stand On God's Word! (Psalm 119:65)
2. Ask God For What You Want! (John 16:23-24)
3. Be Positive In Your Thinking! (Luke 12:22)
4. Guard Your Mind! (Isaiah 55:9)
5. Meditation Is The Key To Successful Prayer! (Joshua 1:8)
6. Continually Thank God For The Answer! (Philippians 4:6)
7. Make Every Prayer A Statement Of Faith! (Isaiah 43:26)

"Because You Aren't Doing S%!T With Your Life"

By GuestBug TOAR

Hello My Lovelies by inheritance! It's TOAR here with more Random Writing Chaos!
This Month is about a friend's heartbreak.

I have REPEATEDLY written about worthless friends because that is
something that I hold true to my heart. Since I am an only child, I look
for companionship through the relationships that I have with other
people, especially my friends.

In High School, I was the girl that was friends with everybody - pretty
damn popular but not in the 'Skank' kinda way. I was captain of almost
all of the girls sports teams and Senior Class President. I had a fucked
up attitude when I was pissed off but overall, I was pretty outgoing and
down to earth. Back then I had 3 best friends. I couldn't believe it!
Some people aren't even blessed to have 1 but I had 3. Therefore I was
officially the shit - one for every occasion: party chick, emotional,
and the one.

Party Chick and I always went out - one whole summer of partying. It
didn't matter where or when - we were there. Emo, well she was always
there when I was feeling insecure and vice versa. The One - we've been
friends for about 10 years now, before high school she was there.

It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a
garden with strangers.

Now that I am in my last year of college - I am only down to "The One."
Emotional got exchanged because of lack of contact for another emotional
in college. Then EMO #2 dipped out on me because she was jealous of my
relationship (same with party chick) and her "fiance" didn't like that I
made my own decisions, in a nut shell. This one hurt the most.

All of my Friends, The One included, got jealous of my continuing
education. I feel like either you are going to get on my band wagon and
do something positive with your life, or you aren't. I don't want to
affiliate my self with people who can't determine where their life is
going or have any goals to get there. Now I am not saying that you have
to go to a 4 year university and become a rocket scientist, but damn -
not sitting at home with your momma all day playing video games; going
to the club every weekend and spend your last $10 to get in; asking
where the weed man is at. Luckly for The One, she hopped on - otherwise
her ass was going to get dismissed too. I hate to sound like a bitch but
it is the truth.

People come into
your life for
a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME,
when you figure out which it is,
you know exactly what to do.

So here is the point. I just learned the lesson of friends. You grow up
and grow apart, loss of contact, or jealousy all plays a role. In all
these situations, the biggest factor I seen was the relationships. I
just want to know why? I am the kind of person that doesn't care if your
boyfriend doesn't like my high spirit or my potty mouth; I am YOUR
friend, not his. I can tolerate him because I love YOU. Why did you care
if my ring looked better then yours? Why can't you have a brain of your
own? Why can't you decipher between "girl friend talk" and "relationship
talk"? Why did you pick HIM over ME?

Let's get this straight, I haven't been the "Saint" of friendships
either but throughout all of my discrepancies, I came back to apologize
and make right because like I said before, nothing is more important to
me than my close friends.

I figured out that I just won't talk about my relationships with my
friends. The good or bad. It is so messed up that I had to loose so many
and experience so much friendship heartbreak it will scar me for life.
But that is the price you pay when you want a positive circle around you
and in the end, positive people will just gravitate into your life and
everyone's happy! I hope to find my "Sex in the City Friends."

PS. Do you ever notice how women just talk to their bff's about the
bad shit in their relationship?

A real friend is
one who walks in when the rest of the world walks
out.

-------------------------------------------
View More From TOAR on Junebug
Talks.
Follow and Comment on TOAR's Personal Blog at Thoughts of a Randomista.
Contact TOAR to guest post on your blog at thoughtsofarandomista@gmail.com.

Groupies - "An Unreal Reality"

By GuestBug Nutty

So when I was asked to submit a guest blog spot for the ladies of JuneBug Talk, different ideas went through my mind for what I should talk about...One day i wanted to talk about relationships, next day - about sports and not until yesterday did I decide to talk about......GROUPIES!!! Mainly because I know my distorted view would be real and kinda funny idea of what groupies are.

The industry I work in is one that makes you HOT when you're on top, and NOT when your not. Currently myself and my team are what's hot, just being honest. Our events, projects and musical artists and generating a large buzz in California and along with our different personalities, we attract a lot of different people. We work with big artists, pro athletes and other industry heavyweights so we basically see it all and they all would agree that the views I have are probably the funniest, yet real ones because of the fact that I don't hold back on MY opinions.

So, the topic of groupies...as I said before I see a lot in the industry I am in, and one of the biggest problems outside of dealing with people that do bad business, is groupies. They come in all shapes and sizes. I have had many conversations as to how to define groupies and this is what I have come up with, A groupie is a PERSON (man and female groupies exist) who believes in using materialistic and physical qualities to penetrate the life of a celebrity for their own personal gain whether it be for money, fame or notoriety in life. Example, I do a lot of NBA events - when basketball season comes around which runs from Late October to late April. There are specific groups of girls that I do not hear from until that time of year to come out and "party." Those girls I would consider groupies. Not my groupies, but none the less, groupies. Not only do these girls not want to pay to get into the event, they want to be escorted to the VIP and personally introduced to the player of their choosing. On my end, there are perks to this...lol...out of a group of 5, 4 are probably really pretty and one may be kinda cute. But out of those 4 that are pretty, only ONE will successfully end up having a player actually call, so that leaves the rest fiending for the next best thing, the promoter....lol...the problem with this is that I am basically feeding into this problem that plagues the industry. These ladies don't pay to get in so I don't make any money off of it, they don't buy drinks so the club doesn't make any money, so whats the purpose?? Ending up with one of these girls at the end of the night to go home, I guess that's OK, but not as gratifying if those 5 girls paid $20 each to get into the party!

My only beef with groupies is this, don't be one and be ashamed to be one. if you wanna snag an athlete or anyone of high stature to better your life, by all means, go for yours because it happens and I'm a realist and I'm not gonna bash anyone for doing what they do because groupies do exist and they aren't going anywhere.Theres different levels on the groupie scene but ill save that for another post and leave this to think about for now!

Catch me on my site for updates each week:

NuttyIsFamous.blogspot.com

I wanna thank the ladies from JuneBug Talk for allowing me to be a guest blogger this week and hope I can do it again sometime soon :)

Whip My Hair

At just nine years old, little Willow has stunned millions with her first single called "Whip My Hair." Now I'm not here to criticize the young diva 'cause I must say she's doing her thing, and I can admit to whippin' my hair back and forth when I hear the track too. What? It's catchy; don’t judge me! There's definitely something to be said about a child who can sing "Don't matter if it's long or short. Do it, do it. Whip Your Hair!" about hair confidence. How many of us share this same level of esteem when it comes to our manes? I certainly don’t.

About a year ago, I chose to break things off with the creamy crack. That's right - THE BREAKUP. I told my addiction to straight, chemically processed hair, "It's not you, it's me," and I have since experienced some good and bad hair days. It was hard, and I struggled after getting a significant amount of my hair cut off, so I got a hair crew, a team to support me through my recovery. Now the "new" me and my tresses, still traveling on this hair journey, are here to talk briefly about that trek to the ultimate destination, hair confidence.

For those who know me, you know I'm very particular about my hair, and I can be a bit (okay, REALLY) meticulous…occasionally. That's why going natural has been so challenging for me, but I've decided to go the long haul. What I’ve found more interesting than my own admiration or lack there of when it comes to my napturality is how others have responded to my look.While I, at times, can’t stand it, others rave over my hair and ask questions as to how I managed to achieve my curls or my pressed look when in my mind it’s pure mediocrity. This led me to a SERIOUS question [dramatic music playing], “Is all hair confidence created equally?”, and [music stops]. I would say, “NOT!” Which led me to another question [no music this time], “How does one achieve hair confidence?” For answers, I sought the advice of a few members of my hair team, GuestBugs hairChick and stacI.

hairChick, the professional stylist, shares her personal experience...

"Okay, hair confidence?!? Yeah, still trying to find mine! The other day, as I walked into Hobby Lobby, a chick stopped me and mouthed, "Love the hair!" with a huge smile on her face. As usual, I put on an open mouth smile and said "Thanks!" while really thinking that my hair looked a HOT MESS!!! I put more pressure on myself because hair is my profession. Like, I have to have great looking hair all the time, and I do fall short sometimes (in my eyes). Being natural is totally new to me because I was getting my hair straightened since preschool, starting with presses then relaxers. So my hair confidence went to zero, and I'm slowly trying to build it. I think some women have an overall confidence, so it's easy for them to not be shaken by an "okay" hair day. What I'm doing is just taking it one day at a time and not letting an off hair day, get me down so much. When I wake up and my hair is not right, I fro it and keep it moving!

"If you think changing your hair will give you have more confidence....it won't! You have to find happiness in what you have (which also applies to more than just hair) and trust when people say that your hair looks awesome. So go ahead, whip that hair, even if you don't like it. Once you believe in your hair, others will too!"

Hair Confidence according to stacI...

"I believe self-confidence must be achieved in order for one to have what is called hair confidence. True self-confidence (and inner beauty) will radiate through your body and out through your split ends, curls, dreadlocks, crinkles, twists, braids, or what have you. Look in an "Objects Are Closer Than They Appear" mirror and really evaluate you. Then, you'll be able to recognize, love, and appreciate your strands. You'll glow like something luminous, and your hair will flow in a natural wind.

"About three years ago, I transitioned from relaxed hair to natural, and it was truly an experience. Seven months into the transition I cut my hair and really went from “every six week relaxer girl with straight hair almost touching the middle of her back” to “girl with tiny wanna be locs that wouldn't hold for the world” I found myself putting on flashy earrings and MAC eye shadow to “help me out.” I’d always been hair confident, but that drastic change shocked me. What was I to do without any hair? But I did have hair, to go with a beautiful face and perfect skin tone (I’m not conceited at all). I had to quickly snap out of and realize that my hair was what I’d wanted it to be. A beautiful part of me."

So Buggies, tell me what you think. Ladies, how does one embody hair confidence, and how do you express yours? Fellas, what attracts you to a woman with hair confidence? What’s your take on hair confidence in general and Willow’s single, "Whip My Hair?"

As for me, you ask. For now, I'm whippin' my sometimes curly, sometimes poofy, sometimes cooperative hair and working my way onto hair confidence. Deuces!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

For more from hairChick, hit up her blog at http://hairChick.wordpress.com.

Check out stacI on her very own journey to better at http://ibecomebetter.blogspot.com.

When Image is Everything

By GuestBug Vivian

Public relations (PR) – noun

1. the actions of a corporation, store, government, individual, etc., in promoting goodwill between itself and the public, the community, employees, customers, etc. 
2. the art, technique, or profession of promoting such goodwill 

I have a theory. Whenever you meet someone new, you always put your best foot forward. You project yourself in a manner that shows more of the likable parts than not. You aren’t acting insecure or timid (or maybe you are, I don’t know); you’re a gorgeous, confident diva who doesn’t take any crap. Well, I call this good PR.

When it comes to online dating, it’s very easy to do. You write a happy description of yourself and your likes; in my experience, if you come off as a “Debbie Downer,” guys aren’t into it. Think about it: if you read a guy’s profile and it’s even the slightest bit pessimistic…it’s not really attractive, is it?

So people keep it peppy. It’s almost like the type of PR you put out for a job interview; instead of a new job, it’s a new mate. The first few exchanges are like the preliminary round. A few email/phone call/text messages later, you’re out on date #1. Date #1 is like your first in-person interview. You dress to the nines for the occasion, and if you hit it off, it’s date #2. If it keeps going at this rate, who knows where you end up. At some point, you let the walls down and show it all, the good and the bad. And that’s the true test.

Have you ever been out with someone and after a few dates you slowly realize this person is not the person you thought they were? I once dated a guy who kept it up for a whole three months. He was a soft-spoken, laid back rocker type who was totally the observer. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m a talker. I mean I can talk you into next Tuesday if you let me, but not about superficial topics of conversation. And I did most of the talking. The thing was, he was the exact opposite of what he presented. I’m a liberal, so he was liberal. But he really wasn’t. To each his own, but own it, feel me? After three months, his true self came out, and it wasn’t for me. He just had such good PR, he didn’t PR any of his actual qualities.

So in my quest for online love, I’ve seen this more often than not. I read a guy’s profile, he sounds pretty rad, we talk on the phone, he can carry on an intelligent conversation, we meet, and there’s always something. Like date #15 whose profile said he was 5’9”, but when we met he was actually 5’6”. Or date #1 whose profile said he was looking for long-term, but then told me he was really just looking for a friend. The point is, whether I’m online through my profile or meeting someone in person, I’m not projecting my insecurities; I am trying to keep it real. Good PR only takes you so far; the rest has to come from you, baby!

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Read more of Vivian's dating perspective at her very own blog, http://datinginqc.blogspot.com.

Decisions

By GuestBug justJames

It's what separates man from animals. Animals are preprogrammed by God. Everything an animal does from eating, to migrating, to finding a mate, even having sex... It's all preprogrammed.

But we are different, we have the power to make decisions. At the core of your life, you will find decisions. So you're an adult and you make all your own decisions right? Why aren't you living the life you want? Why do you only pretend to be happy and content in front of others, but secretly you are still trying to "find your purpose"?

I want to challenge you today to take inventory of your life. Why don't you have the job or career you desire, that business, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife! What ever it is you desire... why don't you have it? One word, decision. As in you haven't made the decision yet. Your life is literally one decision away from being the greatest life you have ever lived no matter where you are in life, no matter what your age! God says in John 10:10, "...I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (overflows) (amp)." You are not here just to simply "make it" or survive. If you are not fulfilled, then it is on you to change it and I can show you how!

You see, unfortunately we have turned our lives into a series of preferences, never really making a true decision. Most of us make decisions by stating things like, "I would like to lose weight, or I need to stop smoking" (Laughing) or the infamous new years resolution! While making a true decision means cutting off any other possibility. There is no plan "B" with a true decision. We have all been taught to have a back up plan. For some things that's great, but for your true passion, for you true decision! That's not sound advice. Ok say it with me, "A back up plan is for just in case I fail. With a true decision, failure is not an option!" You believe you have a purpose in this life beyond what you are doing or have done right? At the very heart of that purpose or purposes is your decision just waiting to be made! Jesus says, "Let your Yes be simply Yes, and your No be simply No... (Matthew 5:37,amp) and even goes further to tell us the dangers of a person who can't make decisions. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways (James 1:8, kjv).

Again, think about where you are and where you want to be. Write down your thoughts because this the beginning of your journey to the new you. Follow this series (3-4 parts) and eliminate fear and excuses, and have faith in the power you already have.This journey will encourage, inspire and change your life. In part 2 we will continue our journey, by exploring six keys to harness Your power of making decisions.

Last Month in BugLand - September 2010

It's a BUG world!

Just in case you forgot to stop by JuneBug Talk (JBT) in September, do yourself a favor and catch up. Kidding! Here's what you missed.

Miss Berneta
BernetaBug opened up with a very personal post On Being Black, Female, and Queer. Want more from your fave intellectual, B? Read more of her blogs over at Nickel for a Thought.

Mz Kewe
She spoke her piece on celebrity homewreckers and asked whose the real one to blame in The Problem I Have with Homewreckers. To hear more from the "The Queen of All Controversy," tune in to Check2Check Radio online by clicking here or follow @SweetKewe on Twitter.

Ms MaShari
Remixing a track by Kanye the way she only can, Ms MaShari blogged on pop culture personal finance and the importance of giving back in Power. Hit up your girl via email with questions or at Young Women and Supporters of Financial Literacy on Facebook.

Miss Qui Vive
Continuing her series, Miss Qui explored the causes in Back to the Future: The Effects. Are you a reader? So is QV! Join QV's virtual book society, The Burgeoning Literate.

Don't forget our roundtable discussion titled,

"MEN vs. WOMEN: Who has the Advantage in Dating?"

featuring our NEW GuestBug justJames.

GuestBugs
Brilliance returned with REAL Talk in The Best Father Around, and Thoughts of a Randomista told us her take on protection in Babygirl, You Gone Wrap It or Not?!?.

Interested in guest blogging? Click here, read Miss Berneta's post, and send us an email at bugme.junebugtalk@gmail.com.

PartnerBugs
JBT stepped outside of the box and partnered with No4Corners and Thoughts of a Randomista. Be sure to checkout our PartnerBugs and more of our work at:

...No4Corners (N4C)

Miss Qui Vive lended her opinion on dating or the lack there of over at N4C's with What Do the Lonely Do. In Billy Jean: Is Michael the Baby Daddy?, Ms MaShari talked about Mocienne Pettit Jackson, MJ's alleged lovechild. As for Miss B, she asked a good question - "Can you be Too Picky in Love?" Leave your comments and let us know what you think. Lastly, Mz Kewe got more stuff of her chest in the Top 10 Total BS! Propaganda in the Media, Society, and World in General....

....Thoughts of a Randomista (T.O.A.R.)

'Shari dished her random thoughts on money and hot totties in Urban Finance, and B shared her very own tales of money woes in Guilty Pleasures.

Thanks for reading, and a special thanks to our GuestBugs and Partners!
Stay tuned for more JuneBug Talk.


Coming in October...

• More from JuneBugs' Miss Berneta, Mz Kewe, Ms MaShari, and Miss Qui Vive on any and ERRthing like dating & relationships, politics, culture, etc.
• Posts from GuestBugs' Brilliance, T.O.A.R., justJames, and many more.

Support JuneBug Talk. Like us on Facebook at http://facebook.com/likejunebugtalk!

MEN vs. WOMEN: Who really has the advantage in dating?

We can all agree that interactions between men and women undeniably consist of a Venus vs. Mars dynamic, particularly when it comes to dating. Sometimes it seems like a constant battle with one another, trying to understand the different mindsets, communication styles, responsibilities—who plays what role in a relationship, etc etc. Considering all these different elements that take place when we deal with one another, who do you believe understands the situation more clearly and has the upper hand when it comes to dating? Men or women?

Ms Qui Vive

What kind of question is that?? WOMEN GET it better in general because we’re smarter!

Ok, before the rains come tumbling down, I’m kidding!

I actually think most men and women have equal understanding, just different reactions, and maybe we can construe those reactions as one person having a better grasp or upper hand over the other. Women tend to be more vocal, while many men think more than they talk. So, when a woman deals with an issue she may deal with it by talking it out, venting, and creating room for discussion – does that make her smarter than the man who may be quietly thinking things through? Not for me…

I know an equal number of dumb-dumbs in both gender categories!

Ms Mashari

Ms Qui, I have to agree and disagree with you. Women are more talkative and express their emotions where men typically aren't as vocal, but that makes neither sex better than the other at dating in my opinion. What I do think sets women apart from men is our supernatural abilities. LOL! That's right, I said supernatural. I'm just saying if you think about, we have a keen sense of awareness and intuition, so we can use our powers to navigate the dating landscape. For instance, we know if ole boy ain't really feeling us and he's just taking us out to get into the panties, we know when "RayRay' is catching feelings, and we know when the Mister calls himself stepping out on us too. The cards are always on our table, ladies!

Ms Qui Vive

Ms MaShari – you sho’ right! A woman’s intuition is one of her best assets!

Miss Berneta

I'm going to second Ms. Qui Vive on this one. I do think most men and women understand each other about equally. And I also don't think it's as simple as Venus and Mars. Men and women have a little of both, to be honest. That division just doesn't capture the complexity of men and women.

A friend and I were recently discussing how difficult it is to understand men, and we decided that the problem is simple: we all want love, but maybe we just have very different conceptions of what love is or should look like.

For instance, I am going to generalize from myself and assume that many women have a very straightforward view of the type of romantic love we want: we want to find a partner (probably a life partner) who is a companion and a friend, someone whom we can nurture and who will nurture us, a partner who will forgo other sexual partners, just as we ourselves will forgo other sexual partners.

It would be easy to say that men want that too. But I sometimes find it difficult to determine what type of love many men want. Does the average man also share this average, straightforward view of romantic love that I (hesitantly) suggest many women want? Does he also want a partner (a life partner), who is a companion and a friend, someone whom he can nurture and who will nurture him, who will forgo other sexual partners, someone for whom he himself will forgo other sexual partners? Or is it something different that they want? A lot of men don't seem very interested in "life partners" to me, for instance, and when they do end up with one, some of them seem a tad resentful about having to (or being pressured to) abandon their options. But maybe I'm just generalizing too much about men?

I think in the end men and women both understand each other equally; maybe we all know how to make it work or maybe none of us know how to make it work. And so we struggle with and against each other. I’m starting to think John Legend gets it right: maybe everybody knows but nobody really knows.

Ms Mashari

Miss B, I like what you said here, and I wanna go a bit further. My boo, Hill Harper, wrote about this in his book called The Conversation. Men are conditioned from childhood to "Man up" and told not to cry. In addition, men are encouraged to play the field and "shop around" like the ol' school tune. However, women are sold some fantasy and encouraged to save themselves for Prince Charming. Only a handful of us have met him according to the statistics. After years of being told one thing, women are pressuring men to settle down and become their dreams of this great man who is loving, educated, sensitive (not too sensitive), faithful, and the list goes on. So I guess the score is Women 1 for intuition and Men 0, but maybe it’s unfair to have this dialogue without the input of our men.

Miss Berneta

I definitely agree, Ms. Mashari. This type of romantic love that women idealize (that I outlined) is definitely programmed into us. (I tried to read that Hill Harper book, but couldn't get through it.) I think we, men and women, really need to own up to and examine the images and cultural ideas from our childhood (from television, from books) and how they have influenced our perceptions of love and dating. A lot of us want to make "men are just like this" and "women are just like this" arguments, which only hide the fact that we are all sent the same images about love, messages that push us to behave according to certain roles. And our firm adherence to those gender roles only cause problems between us. (This is also why I tend to be more interested in men who have a feminist mindset, men who have thus begun to examine the notions they've received about masculinity since childhood; random side note. :D).

justJames

This is a big question and not easily answered. In today's world of dating, it is a lot more philosophical so to speak. A lot more dynamic. During our parents and grandparents era, dating was static or black and white. The guy inititated the contact on most levels. From the, "Hi my name is...", to the, "would you marry me?" From that perspective the advantage could have been perceived to be in favor of the woman since everything depended on her response to the man's inquiry.

But today's dating world is much more as I said above, philosophical. People are more learned than in the past. Both men and women work, there's the proliferation of many dating sites, so on ans so on. So now both men and women have more "options". No longer do people just date friends from school or from the neighborhood, but many have long distance relationships, some crossing state lines.

The question is who has the advantage given all the different variables (i.e. Communication, mindset, etc.)? On a large scale I believe women have the advantage when it comes to dating... If! If I am looking at it from a mental perspective, women have proven throughout history that they are just better built communicators.

From a physical perspective, men have the advantage very simply because of sheer numbers. Women outnumber men so much so, that even the most unsightly guy thinks he's "somebody". I traveled to Washington D.C. and witnessed a gentleman dressed in skinny jeans, loafers no socks, a leather vest, and receding hairline. The ratio of women to men in D.C. is greater than 5to1. In a more balanced society, this gentleman who wasn't much of a looker wouldn't have left happy hour with "Beyonce." Just my opinion. Because of this these types of ratios, I believe men on some levels have become more selective in picking a dating partner. I believe because of this it has become more competitive for women, which has forced them to become the aggressor. So, now as a guy it has become normal for a woman to initiate a lot of the dating "contact".

On the surface it all seems advantageous but that shift in dating stems from a deeper problem in society that can be discussed later. ..and I have not even touched on bi-sexuality or anything else. Should I keep going LoL..!

Ms Qui Vive

Now, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout James! Maybe men DO think...JK, JK!

So, women have the upper hand in communicating and men have the advantage in numbers...

Ms Mashari

I say, "What!" Um, I don't even have a rebuttal. Hand clap, two snaps, and a pat on the back, justJames!

Miss Berneta

James, yes, let’s not even start on bisexuality. I could go on forever about my own difficulty, as a bisexual, dating and having to have two different dating styles: one for men and one for women. Ya'll don't even want me to get started.

But I'm curious about the "deeper problem " that you think the shift stems from. Because I think you're on to something with that. This shift is an issue of numbers, but as you suggest, it's also an issue at once much more complicated than just numbers. There is something occurring in our culture in terms of human interaction. Texting, internet communication, and unprecedented numbers of college-educated people...all those factors have everything to do with this shift—we probably have one of the highest populations of college-educated people of any country. And we’re seeing the affects of these factors (good and bad) on the world of dating. In fact, I think the change is most obvious in the world of dating and relationships. Too bad my thoughts are too scattered at the moment, but maybe this could make for an interesting follow-up post. But it was nice to get a male perspective.

justJames

This was a great question, so kudos to who ever thought of it. There are many layers within the question itself depending on how deep a person is willing to "dig" so to speak.

Who do you think has the upper hand?

Cheating Marriages

By GuestBug TOAR

TOAR is back bitches! If have no idea who I am, your bad. Sike naw! Lol here is a little "Tid-Bit":

Let's Cut to the chase, she is not some bubbly censored bimbo. She's a 20 something college student living in "urban" Detroit, MI where you get the shit slapped out of you if you step on a guy's J's and being a Harajuku Barbie or a 5 Star Chick is a profession. She talks shit about most things and make fun of everything else - Sex & Race mostly because it is the most Taboo. She also goes off on crazy tangents in "(parenthesis)." TOAR calls it her own personal "random writing chaos." Even though she creates hell when she write about these subjects, she likes to know that at Thoughts of a Randomista, she creates a safe place to express her ideas while receiving feedback from her readers. TOAR Loves The Twilight Saga (TEAM EDWARD, his messy bed hair makes her drool) and Guest Bloggers. And she HATES introductions!

ANYWAY back to cheating marriages. This is not the same fun loving post as "BabyGirl you gone wrap it or not?" I think cheating marriages can be expressed two ways: committed and non-committed.

Let's examine non-committed first! Personally, I have been engaged for 2 years now and I am so still totally freaked out by the word marriage. Like so many others, being married is sacred to me. I don't care if it is between a man and a woman or same sex - love is love. A fairy tale. A twilight romance. Everyone has their ups and downs but how much is too much and FOREVER?! It is kinda overwhelming. So in this sense cheating marriage is postponing it because you are totally freaked out - like me.

I mean I am committed to my fiance' and I am totally in love with him so I should want to jump the broom right? I don't feel like I have any wild oats to sow up so what's the problem? I just think that I want to make sure but I am also not ready. I don't believe in divorce so this would be it for me. Can we say cold feet? Idk. He is the one for me I know but ugh forever? I sound like a dude. I guess we've been together 6 years so far, that's almost forever in a sense. You know, in a "year-to-date" kinda way. That's almost 1/4th of my life lol.

Let me get on to the second part of the post and another reason why I am so totally freaked out: committed to marriage. Well like I said before marriage is the happily ever after - the fairytale. All of is girls grew up with cinderella and prince charming so we are already programed to look for our prince charming. I just realized at the age of 22, not all prince charmings are perfect. They are still human. So now the point. People who are in marriages cheat. Not all people, but the ones you least expect. Like for instance, a friend of mine's aunt and uncle have been together for 36 years. But come to find out he has cheated on her dozens of times. But they are still together. They still are married and in love. But I don't want that kind of marriage. Marriage is hard work. Wow it just put things in prospective for me.

That wasn't the only case. Come to find out, many people do it regularly. Like it's supposed to be like that. NOOO! Is my marriage doomed before it starts?

I've made some mistakes and so has my fiancé. Do I continue to let the past burden our future?

So how much is too much? Forgiveness? Love? Cheating?! Ugh. Some fairytales exists, just prince charming isn't so perfect.

FYI- females, you bitches aren't excluded either. Slores.
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Follow and comment TOAR at Thoughts of a Randomista.

The Best Father Around

By GuestBug Brilliance

Being fatherless, in my opinion, does not mean growing up in a single parent household. To me fatherlessness, means exactly that: there is an absence of a father. If your father was never home, had an addiction that devastated your family then to me you’re qualified to say you’re fatherless. Or, like in the case of so many of us, our fathers were rarely or never there.

All I ever wanted from my dad was for him to call me on my birthday. Out of all the days in the year, I believed his daughter’s birthday would be one that he’d never forget. Yet, he managed to “forget” year, after year, after year. Due to my father’s absence I, like so many other women, was born with baggage. I suffer from an unbalanced mistrust of men. I can smell a no good dude a mile away. But, I can’t always detect a good quality man. Like many of life’s wounds, I am slowly healing-- learning to let go, and let live.

My experiences have led me to strongly believe that all little girls need daddies. Daughters often feel the absence of their fathers deeply. Angel Taylor belted these heartfelt words in a song about her father…

He took everything from us,

but he let us keep our fear.

He robbed the little picture called a family,

taken long ago, went away for so many years.

And it was as though

he took joy in listening to our tears.

And he would never apologize,

cause his pride was blinding.

An

gel Taylor, Best Father Around, Album: Love Travels

…while Chrisette Michele sung these words to her dad, in her song “Your Joy.”

Cause no one loves me just like you do

And no one knows me just like you do

No one can compare to the way my eyes fit in yours

You'll always be my father

And I'll always be your joy

These are two different songs, two different messages, but their feelings for their fathers whether negative or positive are deep. No matter what anyone says, fathers teach women two important things that a mother cannot teach their daughters.

1) How to treat a man

2) How a man should treat a woman

Fathers teach their daughters what men want by showing them their daily activities. Simple things like, knowing when your father comes home, he wants a little time for himself. Or when the game is on, don’t bother him. We also learn from watching them interact with other people.

They teach us how we should be treated—that we shouldn’t be cheated on, lied to, or beat on. They teach us that a man’s love isn’t demonstrated by sex.

Teacher, teacher, please reach those girls in them videos

The little girls just broken Queens, confusing bling for soul

Danger, there's danger when you take off your clothes…

~Janelle Monae, Sincerely Jane, Metropolis: The Chase Suite

So many girls grow up not knowing who they are. Fathers help you learn your value. To them you’re the ultimate prize, and they teach you that. Fathers protect their daughters¬¬– they may even be over protective. Not every guy is good enough for daddies little girl, and they’re right. Just any guy should not be good enough for us—though we often forget that at times. Fatherless daughters can’t learn these things from their mothers alone. I was lucky because my grandfather really stepped up and he showed me most of those things. He taught me my worth, which is more than enough.

So what do you think? Do little girls need their daddies? Are there voids that daddies can fill that mommies cannot? How has your relationship with your father impacted your life both positively and negatively? If you grew up fatherless, do feel you have emotional scars from his absence?

Contact Brilliance: guest.junebugtalk@gmail.com

Babygirl, You Gone Wrap It or Not?!?

By GuestBug TOAR

I am TOAR and I was thinking about condoms. (Bio Below Post) All kinds of condoms. Penis Condoms, Women Condoms, Finger Condoms and Tongue condoms. Of course, TOAR promotes safe sex - you know penis condom and female condoms. But what about the other two?

Finger Condoms
I was in a dirty sex shop last week (I go there frequently, because I like looking at dildos) and I was paying for my sexfit (sexy-outfit) and I seen these little round rubbery things. No bigger then your pinky finger. I asked the sales associate about them and she told me what they were. Ok, now here is the problem I am seeing with these little bastards: Why would I put a little ass condom on my PINKY finger?


First of all, a PINKY finger has no control over how to play with my clitoris effectively enough without it tickling like hell therefore, EFFECTIVELY turning me off. Secondly, those things look like they will cut off the guys circulation, especially if they have huge hands (big hands, big penis - PERIOD). Then they have two huge hands with 9 fingers? EEEWWW.


So I get the whole "Lets-use-little-finger-fuckers-because-you-might-have-AIDS-anyway" thing but seriously?


Tongue Condoms
Same Day, next to the mini condoms are the "Tongue Condoms." Now I have never heard of these before in my life. I hate the way latex tastes from a regular penis condom so why on earth will I WILLINGLY stick latex in my mouth? ugh.


I just have no more words.


So here are my posing questions to all of you out there:

• Have you ever used a finger condom?
• How far will you go to protect yourself?
• Do you give oral with the condom on? Do you like it?
• Do you like to receive oral with a condom on (tongue or otherwise)?
• Do you clean under your nails frequently?

More importantly, assuming that we all use the basic forms for condoms, Babygirl, are you gone wrap his fingers or not?


Please guys, answer too!
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Follow and Comment TOAR's personal posts at Thoughts of a Randomista. Let's Cut to the chase, she is not some bubbly censored bimbo. She's a 20 something college student living in "urban" Detroit, MI where you get the shit slapped out of you if you step on a guy's J's and being a Harajuku Barbie or a 5 Star Chick is a profession. She talks shit about most things and make fun of everything else - Sex & Race mostly because it is the most Taboo. She also goes off on crazy tangents in "(parenthesis)." TOAR calls it her own personal "random writing chaos." Even though she creates hell when she write about these subjects, she likes to know that at Thoughts of a Randomista, she creates a safe place to express her ideas while receiving feedback from her readers. TOAR Loves The Twilight Saga (TEAM EDWARD, his messy bed hair makes her drool) and Guest Bloggers. And she HATES introductions!

Call for Submissions and Questions!

Hello, JuneBug readers! We are excited that you’ve been following our little blog, and we hope to keep the intriguing topics and conversations coming. If you would like to submit a post or contribute as a GuestBug, please send a draft of your post (as well as any pictures you wish to include in the post) to bugme.junebugtalk@gmail.com. Make sure your draft is saved as a MS Word document (.doc or .docx). In the body of the email, be sure to include: a brief bio (if you would like one included in the post), an alias or name to be included in the byline of the post, and the url of your home blog (if you have one). There is no minimum or maximum word limit. If you have any concerns about length, just browse of our site to get a general idea or send us an email. We are interested in new and provocative topics, so if you have something to say, hit us up. We promise to get back to you ASAP about your post.

In addition, we will be starting an advice column. Do you have any burning questions about love or relationships? Maybe you want some financial advice. Whatever the question, we are curious and look forward to offering some useful advice and opinions. Slip us your question at bugme.junebugtalk@gmail.com. You never know how many readers may have the same question, and how many folks you might help by bugging us with your question.

If you have any questions about guest posts or the advice column, shoot us an email. Until later…stay tuned for more exciting talk and buzz here at JuneBug Talk!

Black and Unwanted: Prejudice and Stereotypes in Bold Letters

By GuestBug Brittany

If you live in the state of Arkansas, specifically, Little Rock, North Little Rock, or the Pine Bluff area, you may have noticed a new billboard has popped up in high traffic areas. A photo of a Black (African American) baby, blended into a solid black background, sets a somber tone. What catches one off guard is the text. In big gold letters it reads, “Black & Unwanted”; below that in smaller letters, “Too Many Aborted.com”.

The “Black and Unwanted” billboards in Arkansas are sponsored by the nonprofit group, Arkansas Right to Life. Recently, local news stations (such as Fox 16 and Today’s THV) have covered community reactions to the signs, which have began to garner controversy. However, the signs are not the brain child of ARL. In fact, the signs began going up in the state of Georgia by the Radiance Foundation. According to ARL and the Toomanyaborted.com site, the ads are targeted toward the Black community because it has a high rate of abortion despite being the minority group. The billboards are an integral part of a movement to bring attention to the rate of abortions in the Black community.

When one delves deeper into the Toomanyaborted.com site, there are statistics everywhere. But none of them seem to support the message of the billboards. Instead, they seem to provide basic facts and figures without explanations and connections. The site includes chart after chart, divided by race in relation to the annual percentages. Most charts are based on the 2008 Arkansas statistics, which show White Americans as the primary recipients of abortions, having approximately 58% of the 4,789 abortions documented. So, does this data confirm what the ads are targeting? To really heat it up, why are they targeted at Blacks? Who is behind the ads?

Background: The Radiance Foundation, was cofounded by Ryan Bomberger. His accolades include his time advocating for adoption and foster care, mentoring and other community projects. Bomberger also has an Emmy for Creative Production. There is also Catherine Davis, Tufts University Magna Cum Laude, activist for “Operation Outrage”, a group that “educates Georgians about the holocaustic impact abortion has had on the Black community”. Both contacts are Black and appear to be pro-life, based on the information they are provide on the site.

Whether the founders of the movement are black or not is almost irrelevant. Their campaign has a targeted audience for a hot topic that is bringing attention to the current generations of the black community. It is obviously doing just that. Still there is a boldness that doesn’t seem justified.

What makes the signs controversial lies on the surface and deep within the black community. The initial response is that the wording, black and unwanted, rubs the reader the wrong way. The words spark an offensive reaction, whether for or against it. It is also odd that the sponsoring group, toomanyaborted.com, also has another ad, “Endangered Species” that is not displayed (to date) in Arkansas. This raises the question of whose perception is more important, the actual black community OR those who pay for the billboards.

Another response is that the wording is playing on the fears of others in the black community, who have for years, believed that planned parenting clinics provide ways to create population control. Ironically, one of the signs in Little Rock is about two blocks away from a planned parenting clinic (University and 12th street). Then, there is the deeply rooted taboo and stigma associated with abortions in the black community. Abortion has always been a very strong subject that you just do not bring up in a black household, regardless of how liberal it may be. It is one of those skeletons in the closet that comes out only when let out.

Personally, I think the wording works against the message (despite the statistics). “Unwanted” seems to carry the subliminal message that “black” is unwanted, a belief that has been rooted in perceptions of the black community since it came about. Sidenote: Black has been associated with bad, evil, disliked, forbidden, and exotic since cultures developed language. Some scholars believe that Africans are black because they are the descendants of a cursed race. If you remember your history lessons, in psychological experiments in the 50s and 60s, black children would pick the white doll as the prettiest, despite their own color. Fast forwarding to the modern time period, think of all the cries during Katrina (including Kayne’s infamous anti-Bush comment) in which media and advocates called foul on the treatment of blacks. So to say that Black is Unwanted is almost a blatant show of prejudice, discrimination, disrespect, and so many other forms of it.

The question that arises from this type of media is whether the black community will be open to the discussions that may stem from it. The black community has been stereotyped as a group that has opinions but are not willing to address them on a public scale. Yes, there have been marches. Yes, there are groups who advocate for black rights. However, the issue of billboard that states “black and unwanted” is something that should spark smaller discussions in the community—to address those taboo issues which we continue to avoid. While the sign itself seems to cry for attention (which it has garnered), maybe it is time to use this material to have healthy debates on some of the other issues within the black community.

Why RayRay Gets the Girl...

By GuestBugs Brilliance and CeeNice

Lately, I have been hearing an increase in complaints from men about “nice guys” finishing last. For some reason, they believe that being the bad guy, or loser, or in some cases a total douche, is what women really want. Especially, the independent woman that has become increasingly popular, as desirable mates, thanks to the lovely Ms. Obama. Granted my sample of men is small, but I like the topic so we’ll go with it. For this one, I solicited the help of the Bestest– CeeNice. Be sure to click some of the links that highlighted throughout the blog.

My girls and I are probably just like you -- mostly independent women who are working their way up the career ladder.

We dream of finding the man of our dreams, yet for some reason we haven’t found him. Instead of passing the time alone, some of us date men we know aren’t good for us. The most infamous, as well as the subject of this post, is RayRay.

RayRay is generally the in-between-man, someone who you date or sleep with from time to time, but have no realistic expectation of building a relationship. CeeNice and I have dated our share of RayRays­—men who were clearly not anywhere near our level financially, emotionally, spiritually, academically or intellectually.

In any case, people always wonder why a woman of our caliber would date RayRay in the first place. In fact, I’ve wondered that myself.

So we spent about an hour jotting down the pros and cons of RayRay. Surprisingly, we found that on the outside RayRay actually has some strong points.

Below are our findings. Remember these are just for fun, so don’t get offended:

1) RayRay ALWAYS hollers EVEN when he shouldn’t—Homeless, bucktooth, or wearing yesterday’s clothes, nothing but God could stop RayRay from hollering…nothing at all. RayRay figures if he hollers at ten women at least one will bite. The sad part is, he’s right. RayRay essentially has nothing to lose and he knows it.

2) RayRay is a Professional Pipe Layer—Yes we said it. If he can’t take you out to a dinner or a movie, at the bare minimum he provides good to great sex. He temporarily replaces our B.O.B., Battery Operated Boyfriend, and sometimes you need that.

3) RayRay is there when you need him—No need to coordinate schedules with this dude. Call him anytime day or night and he will be there. He also gets lost when you don’t want him any longer.

4) Despite his flaws he’s smart—He can hold a conversation, watches the news, and has relevant opinions. He’s also street smart, and you often feel safe around him.

5) He knows what he has—RayRay thinks you’re wonderful. Makes you feel like you’re the queen of the hood. He’s proud of your accomplishments and tries his best to treat you accordingly. Even if he does fall short.

On a serious tip:

RayRays come around during a time in our lives where we’re experiencing a dry spell. He just shows up on those days when we’re especially lonely and maybe a little desperate. When guys wonder how we end up with “losers” sometimes it’s simply because he hollered.

It feels good to have a guy be proud of your accomplishments. When a guy like RayRay says he can’t believe he’s talking to someone of your status it makes some of us feel good.

Overall RayRay situations rarely work. At some point you realize that he’s where he’s going to be emotionally, physically, intellectually, academically, and professionally for the rest of his life. If you want more for yourself then you will soon find yourself ready to move on.

As for the guys—If you’re a good guy with your stuff together then I encourage you to get out there and ask women out. RayRay does it without fear. You should too. In fact, a lot of us have been waiting for you our whole lives.

Well we’re done, so feel free to debate, and share your own RayRay stories in the comment section below.

Credits: photo #1: jonfeinstein creative commons photo stream.