Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Problem I have with Home Wreckers

There's been a lot of commotion centered around the newly surfacing occurrences of home wrecking in our society; especially in our Celebrity world. Everyone, from social networking sites such as Facebook, to bloggers in the blogosphere, to news stations such as CNN is broadcasting every piece of information concerning the latest "home wrecker, "legal matters or what juicy gossip may arise. I'm sure everyone's familiar with the "Top 3" home wrecking women in today's Celebrity World; Alicia Keys, Gabrielle Union and Fantasia Barrino, but In all fairness, let me go on ahead and sum of the situation concerning these ladies.

Alicia Keys- Accused of breaking up the marriage of Rap Artist and Record Producer Kasseem Dean ( AKA Swizz Beatz) and former wife and Singer Mashonda Tifrere -Dean. Supposedly, the two have been secretly involved with one another for two years during Dean's marriage, but didn't announce their involvement with one another until after the divorce was finalized. According to MaShonda, she had suspicions of the love affair, but when she questioned the both of them, they denied their involvement. When in May 2009, both Swizz Beatz and Ms Keys announced the two's involvement, MaShonda grew upset and lashed out to Ms Keys in the infamous Twitter message addressed to Alicia. Now, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz have married one another and are expecting their first child in November

Gabrielle Union- Recently announced her involvement with NBA All Star Dwayne Wade, once his divorce from his Ex Wife was finalized. Like Alicia and Swizz, the 37 year old Gabrielle Union and 28 year old Dwayne Wade kept the relationship under wraps to avoid bad press or any other suspicions. Siohvaughn, Wade's Ex wife, has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against Union in the following months of the finalization of their divorce, accusing Union of many " inappropriate behavior including "engaging in sexual foreplay" with Wade in front of their two young sons, 8 and 2; and other accusations of endangering the boys mental and physical health

Fantasia Barrino- Who, might I add, received the BUTT of public scrutiny, is currently dating Antwuan Cook, who recently divorced his wife. The two have been involved with one another for over a year during the time Cook was married to his wife. Although Barrino claims that Cook and his wife were separated during that time, Mrs Cook didn't see it that way and filed a lawsuit against Barrino accusing her of "seducing her husband" and having an affair with him while he was still living in the home.Overwhelmed by the lawsuit, Barrino was hospitalized under the suspicions of attempted suicide. After this incident, news stations such as CNN took full coverage of her story, revealing to the media as much information possible, including claims that it was all a publicity stunt.

So what's the connection with these 3 stories? All of these women, some who you may have least expected, got involved with Married men, and not long after, these men end up divorcing their current wives and embark on relationships and even MARRIAGE with the "other woman." And seemingly, the Ex wife takes her frustration out on the other woman in the situation.

SO here's my Problem with these situations

Why is it... that not only the wives involved but the media, tabloids and press, tend to seek vengeance against the OTHER WOMAN in the situation and not the man? Last I checked, the man wrote and took the vows to stay faithful to his wife on their wedding, be a provider, protector and willing to work through whatever problems the two may have in the marriage. He and his wife set up a Home, kids, and at the time, a future to stay together "for better or for worse" and "till death due us part." Now that the husband steps out and violates his marital vows, it seems as if the Other woman is the one who receives public criticism, as if she had the upper hand in this decision to breach the marital contract between the man and his wife.

Now, let's not overlook the women in this situation who have been affected in the worst way in this situation. I don't want to down play their feelings by any means. I mean, I can only imagine how it must feel to have dreams and aspirations of a beautiful marriage, family and life, all to have it seemingly stolen away by someone else.

Little Known Fact ( and case in point):
How many of you knew about the baby girl named Nicole Jahna whom a woman by the last name of Sebastian gave birth to by Swizz Beatz back in July of 2008?? This child was conceived DURING his marriage to MaShonda. However, this particular incident was swept under the rug and overlooked by MaShonda. Now that he is currently involved with Alicia Keys, it's a completely different story! Why isn't Swizz Beatz held accountable for anything?? He clearly stepped out on his wife on more than one account with more than one woman.

And the WOMAN gets the bad rap???

Homes broken, dreams crushed and in most cases, finances in a bind, but, my question to these wives and the media in general... who exactly is the REAL Home wrecker?


  1. PUH-LEASE don't get me started on this one!

    I could go 'round in circles on this, but to answer your question of 'who is the REAL homewrekcer?'

    The one leaving his or her home and roaming around!!

    The side piece usually is the one who gets the invitation and decides whether or not to accept with the information (true or untrue) that is presented, but who makes the offer??

    People can specualte all day on the reasons of WHY the man or woman is having his/her cake and eating it, too...AND...people can also try to blame the OTHER person, but at the end of the day, no one can break up what you have unless you ALLOW them in.

    So, yea...whoever left the door open is to blame!

  2. I am going to respond from a very personal perspective. My ex husband was a philanderer when I met him, but I thought I would be that one to stop him. It was great for the first few years; however, that philandering spirit came back out and there he was at it again. I always had suspicions but never acted upon them as I didn't have sure proof until I got a call from this woman one day who he had been fooling with for two years unbeknownst to me. He was away in a different state (military) and they developed a relationship. YES, I could have been mad at this woman and accused her of breaking up our ALREADY decaying marriage. That would have been easy to do, but I am a realist and I knew that our marriage was on a already unstable foundation so first, I faulted myself for not following my gut instincts which I know all the wives had in all these cases, then I faulted my ex husband because he took the vows and made the promises, not the other woman. She owes me nothing. There was no telling what he was telling this woman so I did not take the easy way out and blame her. YES, I was angry at her for making it easy for him to cheat but to blame this woman for the demise of my marriage was in no way fair to her. I don't understand who mandated a law where ex wives could sue a mistress! WTF?! Government is mandating all kinds of frivilous laws when there are serious ones on the books waiting to pass through legislature. A dollar amount can't restore a marriage! Someone may get mad at this comment but I don't care, cheating is a precursor to other underlying issues in the marriage. I know that there are woman who go after married men and there's nothing we can do to stop them. It's up to these men to either take marriage vows seriously or don't get married at all. It's that simple.

  3. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience...and *HAND CLAP* on pointing out the real culprit!

  4. No one honors the comvenant of marriage much these days. Its sad and its really shows you how much of a lack of integrity there is in the world period. You are right the media doesnt seem to really attack the men in these type situations. Remember Jude Law ,and Ethan Hawk? They cheated but was branded with a scarlet letter either very sad for the wives divorces are hard picking up the peices are a tribulation especially when thier are children involved.

  5. tryed to reply last night but like chris rock said.... its damn near impossible for a man NOT to cheat lol.. or to want to cheat.

    I think ALL are to blame, including the wife. but especially the mistress. and to a certain extent the man lol. (ima dude)

    the man is wrong because he made the wrong decision. point blank. he fucked up and he cant turn back...

    the reason i say the wife too is that there is obvious something not being fulfilled in the relationship. something hes not getting (unless... hes just a greedy muthafukka)

    and lastly. these mistresses are 100% wrong (along with the man) because these women always happen to be rich, beautiful and can have any man they choose.. you should hear dudes talk, me included, when it comes to some of the celebs.. instead they like to go for whats already taken and most of the time they succeed for one reason or another.

  6. @ "Anonymous said... its damn near impossible for a man NOT to cheat lol.. or to want to cheat."

    i HOPE SHE CHEATS ON YOU WITH ABASKET BALL PLAYER!! HAve You seen how many women "GET THERE FREAK ON" behind there mans back. It doesn't matter if your male or female. all people cheat. The person who is never at ever at fault is the misstress/toot it and boot it. Why? because at any point you can say i'm faithul or i'm loyal to the one i love.

    P.S. It's a mans world!!

  7. Oh, I wish it was true
    That you missed me
    like I miss you!

  8. I would agree that temptation is a mutha! It's about keeping all lines of communications open. I am a realist and some folks won't agree with me on this, but I have the most candid boyfriend and we discuss anything and everything. I now understand the minds of men to a certain degree or his mind rather. A lot of men cheat and that is just REALITY!!! We can fuss, belly ache, and complain about it, but that's what it is. It's been like that since the beginning of time. In some cultures it is accepted... LOL! Men like to put their wives in a box sexually and don't want them to be expressive. They go out and cheat with the "freak" and would rather do that than to allow the "wife" to explore her freaky side. Take Tiger for example, because of his social status, he dare not have one of those women on his arm that he committed those indiscretions with.His wife was more socially acceptable, but when it was time for him to get down right dirty, he had to go outside of his marriage to do this! A lot of men do it apparently. According to the news reports, he and these women got down right freaky and kinky,and he able to do with these women things he couldn't do or wouldn't explore with his wife. I feel like this, if we are together, why not let's go all the way together, or at least as far as each is comfortable with. Why go outside the confines of your marriage to get your kinky freakyon. Why not explore that with your mate??? It is safer, results in less hurt or heartbreak... WOMEN are so quick to say what they won't do but if you don't do it, someone else will. Get mad, but it's the truth. Why not go to a strip club with your husband??? SO scared that he may "look" at someone else? It's a complex issue and I would agree that ALL parties are to blame in the instance of cheating... even the heartbroken wife. SEX is just one issue that makes men cheat... sure there are others, but men use this one as the primary reason which is why I touched on it.

  9. I have a problem with home wreckers too. Watched my parent's marriage break up because of one. I shall not say more except to say that I really really dig your blog -- your topics are relevant and powerful!

    Thank you for checking me out on You've got a new follower here!

  10. @Anonymous Now you mentioned something I haven't ever heard before among my married friends and family members. Husbands don't want their wives to explore their inner freakdom. Wow! Well, wait when I think about women could legally be raped by their husbands in many states until the 1970s, so maybe we didn't have the right to express ourselves sexually. Most of the guys I know have admitted to wanting "a lady on the street, but a freak in the sheets."

    @Bri Thanks for stopping by JBT! I'm sorry to hear of your families' personal experience with a homewrecker. I'll be hitting up Passion.Fruit later today!

    @Mz Kewe Though women can be catty and disagreeable; I think there is an unspoken sisterhood among women and a code. Once you violate that code by doing what some states call "alienating the affection" of a married man, it's a wrap. You will feel the wrath of the sisterhood (LOL!), and it ain't pretty. In my opinion, the husband or wife stepping out on the marriage is to blame because he or she can always walk away from the marriage instead of cheating. In addition, to knowingly engage with a married man or woman is NOT okay, and you little homewrecker are also to blame. I'm just saying.

  11. I agree that marriage is disrespected in every kind of way, but not always is it the person who is getting cheated on fault. Sometimes they can think their spouse (the cheater) is happy and does not see a need to cheat. When we do marry we need to make sure we are ready. Not only is there alienation of affection laws but death can be the result sometimes. Let us be careful.