Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Cheating Marriages

By GuestBug TOAR

TOAR is back bitches! If have no idea who I am, your bad. Sike naw! Lol here is a little "Tid-Bit":

Let's Cut to the chase, she is not some bubbly censored bimbo. She's a 20 something college student living in "urban" Detroit, MI where you get the shit slapped out of you if you step on a guy's J's and being a Harajuku Barbie or a 5 Star Chick is a profession. She talks shit about most things and make fun of everything else - Sex & Race mostly because it is the most Taboo. She also goes off on crazy tangents in "(parenthesis)." TOAR calls it her own personal "random writing chaos." Even though she creates hell when she write about these subjects, she likes to know that at Thoughts of a Randomista, she creates a safe place to express her ideas while receiving feedback from her readers. TOAR Loves The Twilight Saga (TEAM EDWARD, his messy bed hair makes her drool) and Guest Bloggers. And she HATES introductions!

ANYWAY back to cheating marriages. This is not the same fun loving post as "BabyGirl you gone wrap it or not?" I think cheating marriages can be expressed two ways: committed and non-committed.

Let's examine non-committed first! Personally, I have been engaged for 2 years now and I am so still totally freaked out by the word marriage. Like so many others, being married is sacred to me. I don't care if it is between a man and a woman or same sex - love is love. A fairy tale. A twilight romance. Everyone has their ups and downs but how much is too much and FOREVER?! It is kinda overwhelming. So in this sense cheating marriage is postponing it because you are totally freaked out - like me.

I mean I am committed to my fiance' and I am totally in love with him so I should want to jump the broom right? I don't feel like I have any wild oats to sow up so what's the problem? I just think that I want to make sure but I am also not ready. I don't believe in divorce so this would be it for me. Can we say cold feet? Idk. He is the one for me I know but ugh forever? I sound like a dude. I guess we've been together 6 years so far, that's almost forever in a sense. You know, in a "year-to-date" kinda way. That's almost 1/4th of my life lol.

Let me get on to the second part of the post and another reason why I am so totally freaked out: committed to marriage. Well like I said before marriage is the happily ever after - the fairytale. All of is girls grew up with cinderella and prince charming so we are already programed to look for our prince charming. I just realized at the age of 22, not all prince charmings are perfect. They are still human. So now the point. People who are in marriages cheat. Not all people, but the ones you least expect. Like for instance, a friend of mine's aunt and uncle have been together for 36 years. But come to find out he has cheated on her dozens of times. But they are still together. They still are married and in love. But I don't want that kind of marriage. Marriage is hard work. Wow it just put things in prospective for me.

That wasn't the only case. Come to find out, many people do it regularly. Like it's supposed to be like that. NOOO! Is my marriage doomed before it starts?

I've made some mistakes and so has my fiancé. Do I continue to let the past burden our future?

So how much is too much? Forgiveness? Love? Cheating?! Ugh. Some fairytales exists, just prince charming isn't so perfect.

FYI- females, you bitches aren't excluded either. Slores.
Follow and comment TOAR at Thoughts of a Randomista.


  1. Being a 20 something year old African American female from Detroit, I find your description of Detroit VERY offensive. There is no need to add to the bad rap that this city already has. Nobody is getting the shit slapped out of them for stepping on somebody's J's and there are very FEW females pretending to be Harajuku Barbies and 5 Star Chicks. There's nothing wrong with representing where you're from, but don't make my city look bad with these ignorant references. With you being a college student and all, YOU should know better.

  2. @Anonymous on behalf of JBT, we would like to apologize. TOARs intentions wasn't to offend anyone . We hope that you will accept this most humble apology

  3. Thanks Mz. Kewe :-) TOARs needs to think before she posts things like that. Her description of herself/blog has nothing to do with the topic at hand, therefore it wasn't even neccessary.

    I LOVE the blog overall and I wish you ladies success. Keep up the good work...and YES, I will continue to read :-)

  4. @Anonymous thank you :-) we truely appreciate that

  5. Well, that is just how I view OUR city - everyone is entitled to our opinions right? ::shrugs:: I mean yeah it is unfortunate that Detroit gets a bad rap for everything but on my side - there is always someone getting the shit slapped out of them.

    Don't get me wrong - Detroit is beautiful and I love it with all my heart but the people - - - not so much. And that is who I was referring too.

    Like I said, I am very controversial and I stand by my opinion. But I do apologize to JBT and anonymous if it offends you.

  6. maybe this can validate my point!


  7. Unfortunately that video doesn't prove a thing. It simply shows a group of girls getting into a fight. That can happen anywhere (Detroit, Chicago, LA, Las Vegas, Houston, New Orleans, Miami, DC, Baltimore, and even the backwoods of Mississippi). No one in the video "got the shit slapped out of them for steppin' on a guy's J's" nor were the girls in the video "Harajuku Barbies" or "5 Star Chicks". What was shown in that video is not what happens on a day to day basis here in the city of Detroit.
    Your introduction was so tacky; I didn't even bother reading the rest of your article. If it was half as ignorant as your intro, it's probably not worth reading anyway. There is no problem with you expressing yourself and sharing your opinions; however, there is a problem when you describe a whole city and group of people off of ignorant acts (that can happen anywhere) and only have ONE video to back up what you're saying. As a college student, you should know that a video off of worldstarhiphop.com is not a credible source to back up a strong statement such as the one you made. If that's how you "view" this city, it's time for you to wake up and put on a new pair of glasses. While you're at it, show me (and the rest of the readers) some statistics to back up your ignorant statement.

  8. Hey Anonymous,

    On behalf of JBT, first, THANKS for reading and continuing to read our blog! There are thousands that you could read, and you chose to include us - we appreciate you!

    JBT was a brainchild of mine, so I feel the need to respond on behalf of the blog and our Guest Blogger, T.O.A.R.

    Freedom of expressions always goes both ways here, (and everywhere else)...from the bloggers who express themselves, and also the public who choose to read the blog. If you can look past the words and see the intent, T.O.A.R.'s introduction was clearly not meant to be offensive (even though, to you, it was). The tone was quirky and sarcastic - much different from serious and spiteful, in an effort to "make your city look bad with these ignorant references."

    Being from the South, trust me, I know how different places can get a bad rap - and being an advocate for my race and my gender, I also know the weight of stereotypes.

    Just wanted to let you know that though harm was done, NONE was INTENDED.

    Thank you, again, for reading and we look forward to your continued support!


    Ms Qui Vive

  9. Ms Qui Vive,

    Thanks for your reply. I understand that harm was not intended. I've been reading your blog since it first started and I will continue to read. One thing that I like about it is that it's real and it appeals to a mature audience.

    It's one thing to hear bad things about the city from people who are not from here and only know what they hear or see on television and other media outlets, but the hear it from a Detroit native is not cool at all.

    As African Americans AND women, we should be changing the stereotypes, not at adding to and encouraging them.

    This is not intended to be a personal attack on TOAR's character and I don't know her personally; however, this needs to be brought to her attention. There is a HUGE difference between stating an opinion while be quirky and sarcastic and shedding a negative light on the city of Detroit AND its people.

  10. Anonymous,

    You are absolutely right as far as supporting each other to break stereotypes. But as Ms. Qui Vive said it best: sarcastic. The first line was to be sarcastic to make fun of the stereotype - to NOT uplift it and unfortunately, that is how you read into the context.

    Yes, I do personally believe that in the city of detroit, women try to get more attention by calling themselves a "BARBIE" or "5 Star Chick". But to me, they should be more classier - you know, none "hood-rat" material. And people get the shit slapped out of them point blank. Example: "what the fuck you looking at?" Right there is a moment of tension and conflict.

    That is what was intended by my introduction. To shed light on the fact that being a 5 star chick is not a profession and they should act accordingly and it is just a pair of damn shoes.

    Statistics will do no justice here. One, because it is not that serious and two, I have nothing to prove. Also, let me clarify the video, if you READ the post - it clearly states that we are on the same side.

    I do not take any of your comments personally nor do I think the description of my blog is a direct reflection of my character - its all in fun :o) Sometimes making "fun" of something is the best way to get the word out! My personality is HUGE and OPEN-MINDED.

    Thank you for your feedback and your love for our city.

  11. "Its so cold in the De... how the EFF we gonna keep peace? What's all on a N***A mind?"

    I didn't know they slapped people there, I thought they cutt you...


  12. LOL!

    :o) idk - violence is violence is violence.

    That damn song was so frickin' retarded with her stupid hair.