Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Best Father Around

By GuestBug Brilliance

Being fatherless, in my opinion, does not mean growing up in a single parent household. To me fatherlessness, means exactly that: there is an absence of a father. If your father was never home, had an addiction that devastated your family then to me you’re qualified to say you’re fatherless. Or, like in the case of so many of us, our fathers were rarely or never there.

All I ever wanted from my dad was for him to call me on my birthday. Out of all the days in the year, I believed his daughter’s birthday would be one that he’d never forget. Yet, he managed to “forget” year, after year, after year. Due to my father’s absence I, like so many other women, was born with baggage. I suffer from an unbalanced mistrust of men. I can smell a no good dude a mile away. But, I can’t always detect a good quality man. Like many of life’s wounds, I am slowly healing-- learning to let go, and let live.

My experiences have led me to strongly believe that all little girls need daddies. Daughters often feel the absence of their fathers deeply. Angel Taylor belted these heartfelt words in a song about her father…

He took everything from us,

but he let us keep our fear.

He robbed the little picture called a family,

taken long ago, went away for so many years.
And it was as though

he took joy in listening to our tears.

And he would never apologize,

cause his pride was blinding.

gel Taylor, Best Father Around, Album: Love Travels

…while Chrisette Michele sung these words to her dad, in her song “Your Joy.”

Cause no one loves me just like you do

And no one knows me just like you do

No one can compare to the way my eyes fit in yours

You'll always be my father

And I'll always be your joy

These are two different songs, two different messages, but their feelings for their fathers whether negative or positive are deep. No matter what anyone says, fathers teach women two important things that a mother cannot teach their daughters.

1) How to treat a man
2) How a man should treat a woman

Fathers teach their daughters what men want by showing them their daily activities. Simple things like, knowing when your father comes home, he wants a little time for himself. Or when the game is on, don’t bother him. We also learn from watching them interact with other people.

They teach us how we should be treated—that we shouldn’t be cheated on, lied to, or beat on. They teach us that a man’s love isn’t demonstrated by sex.

Teacher, teacher, please reach those girls in them videos
The little girls just broken Queens, confusing bling for soul

Danger, there's danger when you take off your clothes…

~Janelle Monae, Sincerely Jane, Metropolis: The Chase Suite

So many girls grow up not knowing who they are. Fathers help you learn your value. To them you’re the ultimate prize, and they teach you that. Fathers protect their daughters¬¬– they may even be over protective. Not every guy is good enough for daddies little girl, and they’re right. Just any guy should not be good enough for us—though we often forget that at times. Fatherless daughters can’t learn these things from their mothers alone. I was lucky because my grandfather really stepped up and he showed me most of those things. He taught me my worth, which is more than enough.

So what do you think? Do little girls need their daddies? Are there voids that daddies can fill that mommies cannot? How has your relationship with your father impacted your life both positively and negatively? If you grew up fatherless, do feel you have emotional scars from his absence?

Contact Brilliance: guest.junebugtalk@gmail.com


  1. Thanks for defining fatherless--- I also believe that you can grow up with your father physically in the house but the same amount of damage can be done to a child because he is not present mentally or emotionally.

    Growing up without either parent has an effect on a child. There are some things that simply a same sex parent cannot teach.

    One thing that does not get talked about often is women who grow up without mothers. I have a few female friends who were raised by their fathers and you can tell. They had to be taught and reminded about hygiene and grooming well into their twenties.

    God bless all the parents in the world who are taking good care of their kids...whether they are single parent or not.

  2. @Brilliance Great job on this blog! My father was absent throughout most of my childhood, and he remains an absent parent when it comes to the rest of my seven siblings who are both minors and adults. I definitely think his absence has shaped me into the woman I am today, and as you mentioned in your blog I have experienced difficulty with dating and relationships as a result. Sometime ago, Miss Qui put me on to a book called Longing for Daddy: Healing from the Pain of an Absent or Emotionally Distant Father (M. Robinson) that you and others with similar experiences might find helpful.

  3. Great post, again, Brilliance!

    Nothing can replace the role of a father in a child's life. Fathers play a special role in the lives of their daughters - and a different, but equally unique role in the lives of their sons.

    I too, had an absent father (and an unhealthy relationship with a stepfather). At times, I didn't even notice what I was missing (a father) because one was never really around. Luckily, I was blessed to have a consistent, loving grandfather and uncle around.

    Of course, fatherless children can turn out perfectly normal just as children with their fathers can be screwed up - BUT, ideally having both parents around to contribute to the growth, nurturing and development of a child is most ideal.

  4. My Invisible Flowers in an Invisible Vase. My Dad was my hero, the best at everything he did, a super extraordinary man and I adored him. He left four daughters when I was 13 yrs old. Indeed, his departure was that pivotal time when I was awkward and needed the most important man in my life there to encourage me, keep me safe and set the standard for all the men who I would know from that point forward. My standard of what I could expect from the men in my life was set. He impacted me in ways that I still feel today at 44 years old. Yes, the power of a father is forever etched in my heart.

  5. Dad's know the crucial role they play in their children’s lives. They know that nothing is more important than their children growing up with a fighting chance at life. They know that divorce has already stripped their children of countless fundamental necessities. They know that the reality of a broken home is a greatly lowered potential and ability for future success. So, real divorced dads do something about it.