Go the Distance

So it's a popular saying, right? It's not just that. See, I grew up in a neighborhood in Little Rock, Ark. where some people fell by the wayside while others aspired to be better and followed their dreams to become greatness. I'm astonished by the talent and at just how many people I know who have followed their hearts and made going the distance their way of life; actors, counselors, barbers and stylists, comedians, nurses, models, attorneys, promoters, writers, graphic designers, and the list goes on and on. For Rah, it's being an artist, which I truly admire as an avid music lover, sometimes shower vocalist (LOL), and occasional songwriter. Just a few weeks ago when I heard his track "Go the Distance" featuring his brother and my former classmate Ricky, I fell in love with the lyrics so much so they inspired me to write this blog. So press play and go the distance with me in today's lesson [bell rings]. Once again, class is in session!

I recently read a book by Ella L.J. Edmondson Bell, which fit perfectly with today's title, called Career GPS: Strategies for Women Navigating the New Corporate Landscape. For all the fellas who are reading, please continue 'cause there is something to be learned for everyone no matter your sex or your career plans. Have you ever struggled with discovering your inner talent or been stifled not knowing what you should be doing with your life? Well, think of Ella as a coach guiding you onto the right path and into the right direction.

Before starting your journey, you should learn and understand yourself. Ella says, "It's best to know yourself before you get in the game, but understand self-awareness grows" over time. To get an idea of who you are and how the world sees you, ask some of your co-workers, friends, and relatives what their perception is of you along with examples to support their arguments. Compare their honest assessments with your own and who you'd like to be, and make adjustments accordingly. Don't stop there; keep it moving. Think about the things you enjoy and what you're most passionate about whether it's styling hair, customizing whips, or drawing cartoon animations, and determine how you can capitalize on that.

Ella also suggests you embrace every part of yourself including the good, the bad, and the ugly. During the course of my own analysis, I realized I had the habit of defeating myself with negative thoughts before I got started because I could never see the end of the road. There was always some obstacle, some roadblock in the way like not knowing where to start in the first place, or needing and wanting to finish school, or wondering where the heck the tuition money would come from. The thing is, the journey never really ends, and that's not a bad thing. If you really want what you want and want it with all of your being, you can go the distance. But keep in mind, going the distance means giving it ERRthing you've got and laying it all out there on the line. It means zooming past everyone who ever told you that you can't and never looking back. What you'll find is that once you've gone the distance, you'll keep moving further and further by evolving as an individual and fulfilling dreams you never knew you had. Then it's on to the next one. Start your journey today by saying this affirmation, "I CAN and WILL go the distance."

Lesson #5 for young strivers is:

Know yourself, find your passion, and go all the way - the distance!

"What you want to do, and can do, is limited only by what you dream." ~ Mike Melville

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Learn more about Rah and order his album The Winner at http://wWw.RahHoWard.cOm/.

Whip My Hair

At just nine years old, little Willow has stunned millions with her first single called "Whip My Hair." Now I'm not here to criticize the young diva 'cause I must say she's doing her thing, and I can admit to whippin' my hair back and forth when I hear the track too. What? It's catchy; don’t judge me! There's definitely something to be said about a child who can sing "Don't matter if it's long or short. Do it, do it. Whip Your Hair!" about hair confidence. How many of us share this same level of esteem when it comes to our manes? I certainly don’t.

About a year ago, I chose to break things off with the creamy crack. That's right - THE BREAKUP. I told my addiction to straight, chemically processed hair, "It's not you, it's me," and I have since experienced some good and bad hair days. It was hard, and I struggled after getting a significant amount of my hair cut off, so I got a hair crew, a team to support me through my recovery. Now the "new" me and my tresses, still traveling on this hair journey, are here to talk briefly about that trek to the ultimate destination, hair confidence.

For those who know me, you know I'm very particular about my hair, and I can be a bit (okay, REALLY) meticulous…occasionally. That's why going natural has been so challenging for me, but I've decided to go the long haul. What I’ve found more interesting than my own admiration or lack there of when it comes to my napturality is how others have responded to my look.While I, at times, can’t stand it, others rave over my hair and ask questions as to how I managed to achieve my curls or my pressed look when in my mind it’s pure mediocrity. This led me to a SERIOUS question [dramatic music playing], “Is all hair confidence created equally?”, and [music stops]. I would say, “NOT!” Which led me to another question [no music this time], “How does one achieve hair confidence?” For answers, I sought the advice of a few members of my hair team, GuestBugs hairChick and stacI.

hairChick, the professional stylist, shares her personal experience...

"Okay, hair confidence?!? Yeah, still trying to find mine! The other day, as I walked into Hobby Lobby, a chick stopped me and mouthed, "Love the hair!" with a huge smile on her face. As usual, I put on an open mouth smile and said "Thanks!" while really thinking that my hair looked a HOT MESS!!! I put more pressure on myself because hair is my profession. Like, I have to have great looking hair all the time, and I do fall short sometimes (in my eyes). Being natural is totally new to me because I was getting my hair straightened since preschool, starting with presses then relaxers. So my hair confidence went to zero, and I'm slowly trying to build it. I think some women have an overall confidence, so it's easy for them to not be shaken by an "okay" hair day. What I'm doing is just taking it one day at a time and not letting an off hair day, get me down so much. When I wake up and my hair is not right, I fro it and keep it moving!

"If you think changing your hair will give you have more confidence....it won't! You have to find happiness in what you have (which also applies to more than just hair) and trust when people say that your hair looks awesome. So go ahead, whip that hair, even if you don't like it. Once you believe in your hair, others will too!"

Hair Confidence according to stacI...

"I believe self-confidence must be achieved in order for one to have what is called hair confidence. True self-confidence (and inner beauty) will radiate through your body and out through your split ends, curls, dreadlocks, crinkles, twists, braids, or what have you. Look in an "Objects Are Closer Than They Appear" mirror and really evaluate you. Then, you'll be able to recognize, love, and appreciate your strands. You'll glow like something luminous, and your hair will flow in a natural wind.

"About three years ago, I transitioned from relaxed hair to natural, and it was truly an experience. Seven months into the transition I cut my hair and really went from “every six week relaxer girl with straight hair almost touching the middle of her back” to “girl with tiny wanna be locs that wouldn't hold for the world” I found myself putting on flashy earrings and MAC eye shadow to “help me out.” I’d always been hair confident, but that drastic change shocked me. What was I to do without any hair? But I did have hair, to go with a beautiful face and perfect skin tone (I’m not conceited at all). I had to quickly snap out of and realize that my hair was what I’d wanted it to be. A beautiful part of me."

So Buggies, tell me what you think. Ladies, how does one embody hair confidence, and how do you express yours? Fellas, what attracts you to a woman with hair confidence? What’s your take on hair confidence in general and Willow’s single, "Whip My Hair?"

As for me, you ask. For now, I'm whippin' my sometimes curly, sometimes poofy, sometimes cooperative hair and working my way onto hair confidence. Deuces!

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For more from hairChick, hit up her blog at http://hairChick.wordpress.com.

Check out stacI on her very own journey to better at http://ibecomebetter.blogspot.com.

The Best Father Around

By GuestBug Brilliance

Being fatherless, in my opinion, does not mean growing up in a single parent household. To me fatherlessness, means exactly that: there is an absence of a father. If your father was never home, had an addiction that devastated your family then to me you’re qualified to say you’re fatherless. Or, like in the case of so many of us, our fathers were rarely or never there.

All I ever wanted from my dad was for him to call me on my birthday. Out of all the days in the year, I believed his daughter’s birthday would be one that he’d never forget. Yet, he managed to “forget” year, after year, after year. Due to my father’s absence I, like so many other women, was born with baggage. I suffer from an unbalanced mistrust of men. I can smell a no good dude a mile away. But, I can’t always detect a good quality man. Like many of life’s wounds, I am slowly healing-- learning to let go, and let live.

My experiences have led me to strongly believe that all little girls need daddies. Daughters often feel the absence of their fathers deeply. Angel Taylor belted these heartfelt words in a song about her father…

He took everything from us,

but he let us keep our fear.

He robbed the little picture called a family,

taken long ago, went away for so many years.

And it was as though

he took joy in listening to our tears.

And he would never apologize,

cause his pride was blinding.

An

gel Taylor, Best Father Around, Album: Love Travels

…while Chrisette Michele sung these words to her dad, in her song “Your Joy.”

Cause no one loves me just like you do

And no one knows me just like you do

No one can compare to the way my eyes fit in yours

You'll always be my father

And I'll always be your joy

These are two different songs, two different messages, but their feelings for their fathers whether negative or positive are deep. No matter what anyone says, fathers teach women two important things that a mother cannot teach their daughters.

1) How to treat a man

2) How a man should treat a woman

Fathers teach their daughters what men want by showing them their daily activities. Simple things like, knowing when your father comes home, he wants a little time for himself. Or when the game is on, don’t bother him. We also learn from watching them interact with other people.

They teach us how we should be treated—that we shouldn’t be cheated on, lied to, or beat on. They teach us that a man’s love isn’t demonstrated by sex.

Teacher, teacher, please reach those girls in them videos

The little girls just broken Queens, confusing bling for soul

Danger, there's danger when you take off your clothes…

~Janelle Monae, Sincerely Jane, Metropolis: The Chase Suite

So many girls grow up not knowing who they are. Fathers help you learn your value. To them you’re the ultimate prize, and they teach you that. Fathers protect their daughters¬¬– they may even be over protective. Not every guy is good enough for daddies little girl, and they’re right. Just any guy should not be good enough for us—though we often forget that at times. Fatherless daughters can’t learn these things from their mothers alone. I was lucky because my grandfather really stepped up and he showed me most of those things. He taught me my worth, which is more than enough.

So what do you think? Do little girls need their daddies? Are there voids that daddies can fill that mommies cannot? How has your relationship with your father impacted your life both positively and negatively? If you grew up fatherless, do feel you have emotional scars from his absence?

Contact Brilliance: guest.junebugtalk@gmail.com

Power

Kanye West, one of my favorite artists of all time (no matter how eccentric), has reemerged in the world of hip hop music, and he’s returned a mid controversy of his alleged ties to the Illuminati after debuting a video for his tracked titled, “Power.” The video depicts a compelling West standing still in the center of a moving painting as he chimes, “No one man should have all that power” over a thumping beat with harmony lulling in the background. For years, people have speculated the Illuminati, an age-old secret society, have plans to take over the world as we know it or secretly run ish already. Now I love him to death, so forgive me here….but Kanye, a member of the Illuminati? I just don’t see it no matter how many symbols the public points to. I mean, this is the same guy who said President George Bush didn’t like Blacks during a telethon following Hurricane Katrina, and the same guy who threw tantrums ‘cause he ain’t win an MTV award, and the same guy who, later, interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance for an MTV award to make his own public service announcement on how undeserving she was and claimed the award should’ve gone to Hov’s wifey Beyonce instead. Unless the research I pored over is wrong, the Illuminati claim to have spiritual enlightenment, but who am I to judge? Love you, Kanye!

Moving right along, class is in session. Today’s lesson is on nothing other than power. Kanye’s track ends with the lyric, “You got the power to let power go.” Deep, huh? Just let that marinate. Ordinarily, some of us walk around complaining to be powerless and wanting the world to change instead of letting go and sharing what we do have to create a Different World. In Start Over, Finish Rich, David Bach dedicated the final chapter to finding your power and the importance of lending it to others who are less fortunate. The best-selling author and personal finance expert quotes Sir John Templeton (b. 1912 - d. 2008) who once said, “The secret of life is to become a ‘go giver’ – not a ‘go getter.’” That goes hard, right? Now I know you’re probably thinking that we’ve just recovered from a recession, and you ain’t got much doe to give. Well, maybe you do and maybe you don’t, but giving back doesn’t always mean trickin’ your money to charity (which is a worthy cause by the way). As Russell Simmons' book title says, Do You! the best way you can.

For sometime now, my friendgirl Staci of My Journey to Better has grumbled about the poor economic conditions of Edgecombe County in Rocky Mount, N.C. She’s also mentioned how the neighboring county, Nash, is thriving, which brought Haiti and the Dominican Republic to mind. Every time she’s mentioned it I’ve asked, “What are you going to do about it?” The first time I asked her, she seemed stunned as if to say, “No, she didn’t!” This last time, she sat quietly and pondered on what and how she could do something, anything. Much too often, we immediately discount

ourselves as being unfitting to tackle an issue or not having the means necessary to make it happen, but that’s not what power and giving back are about. When Miss Qui Vive approached me about this blog venture, I thought, “Yeah, I have ideas. But really, who is going to listen?” Some 2,000 hits later, I’m still hangin’ in there. I'm glad I agreed to do it because I pushed pass something hindering me from within myself, and I've been able to get you to think about money (maybe in a way you never had).

About a week or so after choppin’ it up with my friendgirl Staci, she came to me again and spoke of a dream – a vision. She had become inspired by her burden and contacted a local city council member in Rocky Mount, N.C. for some REAL talk on improving the city’s conditions. Instead of sitting by idly, she found her power and in it, her purpose. She sought to organize a health and wellness fair with vendors from across the state contributing services to the public at no charge in hopes of awakening the city and whipping its’ people into shape. Motivated by her power to improve the lives of others, she also asked for yours truly to participate, as a financial literacy advocate, among the support of many other young strivers and entrepreneurs. And she’s already scheming ideas to empower the city’s youth with the first-ever Teen Summit.

Speaking from personal experience, I know using my power for the greater good has been a humbling and rewarding one. Not only do I help someone else, but I feel better about myself in the process. I get what some call the "Helper's High" and look past whatever dilemmas I am facing by focusing all of my attention on doing good for others. Research has shown that we feel a sense of euphoria after acts of kindness, and our brains have a response similar to its' reaction to chemicals like dopamine. So get high by getting your give on!

In case you didn’t quite get it, lesson #4 for young strivers is:

Tap into your power and shine your light on others through giving whatever you have to offer

(i.e. dinero, time, etc.) no matter how much or little it is.

Questions to Think About:

1. Are you a “go giver” or a “go getter?”
2. Do you know where your power lies? And your purpose?
3. How do you use your power to better the world?
4. What's your take on Mr. West's video? If you haven't seen it, watch for yourself below.

Who is this Weird Chick? Why We Need More Weirdos in Black Music

Weirdo: an odd, eccentric, or unconventional person.

Some time ago, I was over at Clutch Magazine, watching Janelle Monae’s latest video, a remix of “Tightrope,” featuring Lupe Fiasco and B.O.B. While I’m not sure that I liked the collaboration, I found myself interested in some of the readers’ comments about Janelle Monae. I decided to check other posts and reader’s comments about her on the site. One post, a summary of an interview done with Rolling Stone Magazine, discussed her response to lesbian rumors. Her evasion of the questions is pretty hilarious and actually rather clever. But I was really taken by one of the reader’s comments:

Fox says:

July 10, 2010 at 11:40 am

LOL. I’m not gonna lie when I first saw her I said, “Who is this weird chick?” But she is doing her thing and obviously doesn’t care about what people are saying. She doesn’t owe anyone any explanation about her personal life because they don’t have to live it. I respect that! I love her answers.

I’m not remotely concerned about her private life, although I would be pretty ecstatic to find out that she is a lesbian or bisexual. However, I’m mostly interested in one aspect of Fox’s comments: “Who is this weird chick?” Yes, she is weird. It hit me: actually, we need more weird chicks and dudes on the black music scene. Indeed, one of our weirdest musicians, Michael Jackson, is no longer with us. I’m not saying we need them to be THAT weird, no offense to MJ. Maybe Prince weird…at least he’s still alive and didn’t f-up his face in the name of trying to be something that he’s not.

So, it got me to thinking. I LOVE the weird black artists who manage to rise from the underground. Janelle Monae. The Noisette’s lead singer Shinga Shoniwa. TV on the Radio. Bloc Party's lead singer Kele Okereke. Kanye West (check out the recent photo leak of him with a faux-hawk/mullet licking the faded head of his girlfriend. Pretty weird.). Santogold. Ebony Bones. Bilal. Andre 3000. Cody Chestnutt. Gnarls Barkley. Erykah Badu (Queen of Weird). Grace Jones (High Priestess of Weird). Prince (His Majesty Weirdness).

We need more black music weirdos! Why? They are fun. They liven things up and keep us on our toes. But, more importantly, they help break up some of the monotonous conformity on the black music scene. They challenge the world of black music and the world of music in general to keep up and keep evolving. As much as I can’t stand Lil Wayne, I even appreciate him (only slightly) for his strange persona, especially in light of a recent rock video, “Knockout,” that he did with Nicki Minaj.

Black music weirdos are most important, perhaps, because they are a refreshing change for overlooked and underappreciated black weirdos everywhere. For all those black girls who don’t subscribe to certain general beauty standards, who listen to everything from David Bowie and Franz Ferdinand to Curtis Mayfield and Jill Scott, who you can catch everywhere from “beauty to thrift stores” (to quote Common). For those girls…for girls like me, folks like Janelle Monae and Andre 3000 and Prince allow us to see ourselves reflected in pop culture. For all those black boys rocking faux hawks and skinny jeans, rocking out to everything from The Doors and TV on the Radio to Lupe Fiasco and Lenny Williams, who you can catch everywhere from the hood to the suburbs. For those black boys, artists like Cee-lo of Gnarls Barkley and Cody Chestnut allow them a point of entry, someone they can identify with.

So bring on the weirdos! They are steadily filling up my Ipod, and I can’t wait for more. Who are some of your favorite weird black musicians, old and new?

Be sure to check out some of the songs in the playlist below. Click to play any song, and enjoy!

Unthinkable (I'm Ready)

Singer Alicia Keys croons, "If you ask me, I'm ready" in her latest single from her fourth LP, Element of Freedom. She did the unthinkable and expressed her readiness formally in an intimate wedding to producer Swizz Beatz in France just a week ago. Congratulations, Alicia and Swizz!

It's unthinkable for me to imagine being married at my age, though I thought I was "ready" to jump the broom at the tender age of 19 to a man just about 10 years my senior (who I might add, turned out to be a d-mn fool). Yeah, I know. He was not totally to blame in the situation, as I walked blindly into coupledom like the foolish young girl that I was. I hadn't been schooled on matters of the heart, how to go about a healthy relationship, or money management. I simply thought love was all I, he, or we needed. Boy, was I WRONG? I found myself thinking something similar to the lyrics of Keri Hilson's "What Channel?" constantly. We operated on two completely different wave lengths when it came to our expectations of one another, our finances, and just about everything else but sex, which made for nothing but TROUBLE in what I thought was paradise. After six months of shackin' and a year or so in, it was SPLITSVILLE. We nearly killed each other like an episode of Snapped. Okay, I'm kidding. Really! Some of you might read and protest that you could never be me, while others have played a similar role in their relationships, or some might even know someone with a parallel story. Well, never say never 'cause I never would've thought I would end up being that girl, yet I was. Now no matter where you are in your romantic affairs, we can all learn from today's lesson.

I think one of the most important things I learned from the experience is what my boo Hill Harper calls, "The Conversation." By that I mean, it's crucial to have communication and financial intimacy. When was the last time you and your honey talked about bread? No, I don't mean a loaf. Okay, if it's taking you that long to answer I say it's time for REAL TALK on the issue. Minimize future stress and headaches by getting clear on how you feel about individual and shared financial responsibilities. For instance, who will take care of the utilities at the crib, who will stay home to care of the kiddos if you choose to have them and who will work, or even if you will have separate bank accounts.

NOTE: If you're married and equally responsible, I'm all for shared accounts; however, if you AIN'T

married....(sigh) please don't. I'm just saying.

True story, all you grown and sexy strivers might like Lisa Peterson's Pillow Talk: Make Talking About Money Sexy in Your Marriage. As the saying goes, "Money talks," and Lisa says it doesn't have to be boring. Instead, it can be much more like foreplay. In an interview with 90.9 WBUR, Lisa told listeners to "Have a quickie. Try to quickly check in with each other, whether in person or through the use of little financial love notes." You might even like teasing 'em with a sexy text message or setting reminders with a cute pic in his favorite teddy. My girl Jacquette M. Timmons, author of Financial Intimacy, and the ladies over at DailyWorth suggest loving your boo and your stacks by playfully discussing doe and then progressing onto more serious talks like retirement, insurance, and wills as a team. Find out how financially compatible the two of you are with this quiz. Spend some QT and get to know what's old and new with your significant other with full disclosure and review one another's credit reports once or twice a year. Share your vision on where you'd like to be financially, collaborate to meet those goals, and work together to recover after a setback. However you do it is entirely up to you, but it's crucial that you do get it crackin' with baby about that cheddar. While you might not agree on everything, financial intimacy allows you two to strengthen your partnership.

So lesson #3 for young strivers is:

Become financially intimate with your partner, and gauge what you'd like and your situation to be sure you're really "ready" before doing the "unthinkable."

Questions to Think About

1. Have you experienced relationship trouble because your opinion differs from your boo's on the subject of money?
2. How "ready" are you for the next step in your relationship?
3. How do you and your partner get your finances poppin' behind closed doors?