"No Reservations"

Welcome Back, JuneBuggers!

I know it has been a while since we've interacted with each other, but goodness, it's good to be back home! Happy 2011!

I tinkered around with some ideas of what to write for the new year and have been coming up short on grand ideas and essays, so I decided to keep it short and simple.

A few weeks ago, I was watching the unique show, "No Reservations," where famed chef, Anthony Bourdain, travels the world trying exotic, unusual, and even shocking foods. How do raw, bloody eyeballs sounds as an afternoon treat? I know, I know...probably incomplete

unless they are spread across a seal carcass.

Yes, Bourdain has tried it...but WHY??

As unappetizing as some of these foods may be to some, Bourdain's lack of reservations allows him to better understand and acquire an appreciation for the world around him because having a wider scope allows him to open his mind - and...LIVE.

So, for 2011, I encourage you to live life with NO RESERVATIONS (but, of course, a bit of common sense) and take in all life has to offer!

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams." - Oprah Winfrey

P.S., JuneBuggers...In case you are having a hard time getting started LIVING - check out some of my inspirations for the New Year:

Purchase and Read "The Twelve Universal Laws of Success," by Herbert Harris http://pyramidbooks.org/brochure.nxg

Join http://www.happyblackwoman.com/ 's 31-Days to Reset Your Life Challenge: http://happyblackwoman.com/join-the-31-days-to-reset-your-life-challenge-january-2011/#

Check out Tim Ferriss' "Four Hour Work Week" http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/ to learn how to work less, and enjoy life more!

Contact Ms Qui Vive at: msquivive@gmail.com

Last Month in BugLand - September 2010

It's a BUG world!

Just in case you forgot to stop by JuneBug Talk (JBT) in September, do yourself a favor and catch up. Kidding! Here's what you missed.

Miss Berneta
BernetaBug opened up with a very personal post On Being Black, Female, and Queer. Want more from your fave intellectual, B? Read more of her blogs over at Nickel for a Thought.

Mz Kewe
She spoke her piece on celebrity homewreckers and asked whose the real one to blame in The Problem I Have with Homewreckers. To hear more from the "The Queen of All Controversy," tune in to Check2Check Radio online by clicking here or follow @SweetKewe on Twitter.

Ms MaShari
Remixing a track by Kanye the way she only can, Ms MaShari blogged on pop culture personal finance and the importance of giving back in Power. Hit up your girl via email with questions or at Young Women and Supporters of Financial Literacy on Facebook.

Miss Qui Vive
Continuing her series, Miss Qui explored the causes in Back to the Future: The Effects. Are you a reader? So is QV! Join QV's virtual book society, The Burgeoning Literate.

Don't forget our roundtable discussion titled,

"MEN vs. WOMEN: Who has the Advantage in Dating?"

featuring our NEW GuestBug justJames.

GuestBugs
Brilliance returned with REAL Talk in The Best Father Around, and Thoughts of a Randomista told us her take on protection in Babygirl, You Gone Wrap It or Not?!?.

Interested in guest blogging? Click here, read Miss Berneta's post, and send us an email at bugme.junebugtalk@gmail.com.

PartnerBugs
JBT stepped outside of the box and partnered with No4Corners and Thoughts of a Randomista. Be sure to checkout our PartnerBugs and more of our work at:

...No4Corners (N4C)

Miss Qui Vive lended her opinion on dating or the lack there of over at N4C's with What Do the Lonely Do. In Billy Jean: Is Michael the Baby Daddy?, Ms MaShari talked about Mocienne Pettit Jackson, MJ's alleged lovechild. As for Miss B, she asked a good question - "Can you be Too Picky in Love?" Leave your comments and let us know what you think. Lastly, Mz Kewe got more stuff of her chest in the Top 10 Total BS! Propaganda in the Media, Society, and World in General....

....Thoughts of a Randomista (T.O.A.R.)

'Shari dished her random thoughts on money and hot totties in Urban Finance, and B shared her very own tales of money woes in Guilty Pleasures.

Thanks for reading, and a special thanks to our GuestBugs and Partners!
Stay tuned for more JuneBug Talk.


Coming in October...

• More from JuneBugs' Miss Berneta, Mz Kewe, Ms MaShari, and Miss Qui Vive on any and ERRthing like dating & relationships, politics, culture, etc.
• Posts from GuestBugs' Brilliance, T.O.A.R., justJames, and many more.

Support JuneBug Talk. Like us on Facebook at http://facebook.com/likejunebugtalk!

MEN vs. WOMEN: Who really has the advantage in dating?

We can all agree that interactions between men and women undeniably consist of a Venus vs. Mars dynamic, particularly when it comes to dating. Sometimes it seems like a constant battle with one another, trying to understand the different mindsets, communication styles, responsibilities—who plays what role in a relationship, etc etc. Considering all these different elements that take place when we deal with one another, who do you believe understands the situation more clearly and has the upper hand when it comes to dating? Men or women?

Ms Qui Vive

What kind of question is that?? WOMEN GET it better in general because we’re smarter!

Ok, before the rains come tumbling down, I’m kidding!

I actually think most men and women have equal understanding, just different reactions, and maybe we can construe those reactions as one person having a better grasp or upper hand over the other. Women tend to be more vocal, while many men think more than they talk. So, when a woman deals with an issue she may deal with it by talking it out, venting, and creating room for discussion – does that make her smarter than the man who may be quietly thinking things through? Not for me…

I know an equal number of dumb-dumbs in both gender categories!

Ms Mashari

Ms Qui, I have to agree and disagree with you. Women are more talkative and express their emotions where men typically aren't as vocal, but that makes neither sex better than the other at dating in my opinion. What I do think sets women apart from men is our supernatural abilities. LOL! That's right, I said supernatural. I'm just saying if you think about, we have a keen sense of awareness and intuition, so we can use our powers to navigate the dating landscape. For instance, we know if ole boy ain't really feeling us and he's just taking us out to get into the panties, we know when "RayRay' is catching feelings, and we know when the Mister calls himself stepping out on us too. The cards are always on our table, ladies!

Ms Qui Vive

Ms MaShari – you sho’ right! A woman’s intuition is one of her best assets!

Miss Berneta

I'm going to second Ms. Qui Vive on this one. I do think most men and women understand each other about equally. And I also don't think it's as simple as Venus and Mars. Men and women have a little of both, to be honest. That division just doesn't capture the complexity of men and women.

A friend and I were recently discussing how difficult it is to understand men, and we decided that the problem is simple: we all want love, but maybe we just have very different conceptions of what love is or should look like.

For instance, I am going to generalize from myself and assume that many women have a very straightforward view of the type of romantic love we want: we want to find a partner (probably a life partner) who is a companion and a friend, someone whom we can nurture and who will nurture us, a partner who will forgo other sexual partners, just as we ourselves will forgo other sexual partners.

It would be easy to say that men want that too. But I sometimes find it difficult to determine what type of love many men want. Does the average man also share this average, straightforward view of romantic love that I (hesitantly) suggest many women want? Does he also want a partner (a life partner), who is a companion and a friend, someone whom he can nurture and who will nurture him, who will forgo other sexual partners, someone for whom he himself will forgo other sexual partners? Or is it something different that they want? A lot of men don't seem very interested in "life partners" to me, for instance, and when they do end up with one, some of them seem a tad resentful about having to (or being pressured to) abandon their options. But maybe I'm just generalizing too much about men?

I think in the end men and women both understand each other equally; maybe we all know how to make it work or maybe none of us know how to make it work. And so we struggle with and against each other. I’m starting to think John Legend gets it right: maybe everybody knows but nobody really knows.

Ms Mashari

Miss B, I like what you said here, and I wanna go a bit further. My boo, Hill Harper, wrote about this in his book called The Conversation. Men are conditioned from childhood to "Man up" and told not to cry. In addition, men are encouraged to play the field and "shop around" like the ol' school tune. However, women are sold some fantasy and encouraged to save themselves for Prince Charming. Only a handful of us have met him according to the statistics. After years of being told one thing, women are pressuring men to settle down and become their dreams of this great man who is loving, educated, sensitive (not too sensitive), faithful, and the list goes on. So I guess the score is Women 1 for intuition and Men 0, but maybe it’s unfair to have this dialogue without the input of our men.

Miss Berneta

I definitely agree, Ms. Mashari. This type of romantic love that women idealize (that I outlined) is definitely programmed into us. (I tried to read that Hill Harper book, but couldn't get through it.) I think we, men and women, really need to own up to and examine the images and cultural ideas from our childhood (from television, from books) and how they have influenced our perceptions of love and dating. A lot of us want to make "men are just like this" and "women are just like this" arguments, which only hide the fact that we are all sent the same images about love, messages that push us to behave according to certain roles. And our firm adherence to those gender roles only cause problems between us. (This is also why I tend to be more interested in men who have a feminist mindset, men who have thus begun to examine the notions they've received about masculinity since childhood; random side note. :D).

justJames

This is a big question and not easily answered. In today's world of dating, it is a lot more philosophical so to speak. A lot more dynamic. During our parents and grandparents era, dating was static or black and white. The guy inititated the contact on most levels. From the, "Hi my name is...", to the, "would you marry me?" From that perspective the advantage could have been perceived to be in favor of the woman since everything depended on her response to the man's inquiry.

But today's dating world is much more as I said above, philosophical. People are more learned than in the past. Both men and women work, there's the proliferation of many dating sites, so on ans so on. So now both men and women have more "options". No longer do people just date friends from school or from the neighborhood, but many have long distance relationships, some crossing state lines.

The question is who has the advantage given all the different variables (i.e. Communication, mindset, etc.)? On a large scale I believe women have the advantage when it comes to dating... If! If I am looking at it from a mental perspective, women have proven throughout history that they are just better built communicators.

From a physical perspective, men have the advantage very simply because of sheer numbers. Women outnumber men so much so, that even the most unsightly guy thinks he's "somebody". I traveled to Washington D.C. and witnessed a gentleman dressed in skinny jeans, loafers no socks, a leather vest, and receding hairline. The ratio of women to men in D.C. is greater than 5to1. In a more balanced society, this gentleman who wasn't much of a looker wouldn't have left happy hour with "Beyonce." Just my opinion. Because of this these types of ratios, I believe men on some levels have become more selective in picking a dating partner. I believe because of this it has become more competitive for women, which has forced them to become the aggressor. So, now as a guy it has become normal for a woman to initiate a lot of the dating "contact".

On the surface it all seems advantageous but that shift in dating stems from a deeper problem in society that can be discussed later. ..and I have not even touched on bi-sexuality or anything else. Should I keep going LoL..!

Ms Qui Vive

Now, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout James! Maybe men DO think...JK, JK!

So, women have the upper hand in communicating and men have the advantage in numbers...

Ms Mashari

I say, "What!" Um, I don't even have a rebuttal. Hand clap, two snaps, and a pat on the back, justJames!

Miss Berneta

James, yes, let’s not even start on bisexuality. I could go on forever about my own difficulty, as a bisexual, dating and having to have two different dating styles: one for men and one for women. Ya'll don't even want me to get started.

But I'm curious about the "deeper problem " that you think the shift stems from. Because I think you're on to something with that. This shift is an issue of numbers, but as you suggest, it's also an issue at once much more complicated than just numbers. There is something occurring in our culture in terms of human interaction. Texting, internet communication, and unprecedented numbers of college-educated people...all those factors have everything to do with this shift—we probably have one of the highest populations of college-educated people of any country. And we’re seeing the affects of these factors (good and bad) on the world of dating. In fact, I think the change is most obvious in the world of dating and relationships. Too bad my thoughts are too scattered at the moment, but maybe this could make for an interesting follow-up post. But it was nice to get a male perspective.

justJames

This was a great question, so kudos to who ever thought of it. There are many layers within the question itself depending on how deep a person is willing to "dig" so to speak.

Who do you think has the upper hand?

Back to the Future - "The Effects"

Before I begin this week’s portion of my series, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the upcoming one year anniversary, on September 24, 2010, of the beating death of Derrion Albert, and honor his memory. If you are not familiar with what happened, click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsrVfE0yuZI

Since September of last year when I first heard and sawof this heartbreaking and senseless incident, not a week (literally) has gone by and I not thought of Derrion. It is still hard to think about and almost emotionally overwhelming to watch. As many times as I am never at a loss for words, I cannot even fully express to you how my heart aches for him. When Derrion’s mother sent him to school September 24, 2009, I’m sure she did not expect that to be the last time she’d see him alive…and even worse than having to find out your child has died, the horrible manner in which he was beaten is unthinkable. I have no personal ties to Derrion or his family, or anyone involved, but the humanistic bond I share with them causes me to still grieve for Derrion as if he were my own son or brother…because in reality, it could have been.

I often contemplate what I could do to ease the pain his mother will always have; or, what influence I can have on an unknown child’s future to prevent him or her from participating in an act that exhibits such little regard for another human life. One year later, I have still not thought of anything sufficient enough to act as a mark of distinction and tribute to this Derrion’s life – but, as long as I am living and breathing, I will never forget him. My silent, lifelong promise is to one day honor him in a way that beautifully outshines his dim death.

It’s been a year –
To my heart, you are still dear.
Rest in Love & Peace, Derrion

Now, let us transition to our topic.
Perhaps, we can learn a bit about the effects of slavery on human behavior by this past current event. W.E.B. DuBois, American civil rights activist, sociologist, historian, author, and editor, once said: “One ever feels his twoness- an American, a negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings, two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder.” You may have never spoken it, and may even deny it, but many African Americans often struggle with their identities…

Not being ‘black’ enough..

Acting ‘white…’

An inability to be totally comfortable in any racial group…

This ‘double-consciousness,’ is a nasty little side effect of slavery. Now, that wasn’t on the warning label was it?

For those of you not familiar with double-consciousness, let’s liken it to this: it’s like being a sparkling, shining Mustang, but swearing to yourself you’re a fire red Corvette, and having people test [drive] you all day! Black people so often have to conform to cultural standards given by their peers, and at the same time, fit society’s distorted standards of what is right and proper, all the while attempting to fulfill our own perception of our personal identities . In a way, it is attempting to maintain the identity of two people at the same time. Talk about a balancing act.

But, how do these effects tie into the problem of past slavery?
Simple.

When one does not know who they are – they have NO PRIDE, NO PURPOSE. In general, African Americans have have a foggy sense of their history, mixed between a handful of familiar facts and faces given to us during Black History Month and classroom textbooks with noteworthy, yet omitted information. In place of a clearly documented and dazzling history, we have allowed ourselves to relegated to assimilate and accept a history that is not our own.

NO PRIDE, and NO PURPOSE equals NO PRODUCTIVITY. Even in business, when an organization has a shared sense of values and purpose, they are motivated to work together towards a common end. How can African Americans begin to expect to embrace each other’s uniqueness, when we have not even collectively embraced our similarities?

And, with NO PRODUCTIVITY, there comes idleness…and we all know where that leads…
While you reflect on the African American loss of pride, purpose, and productivity, take a moment to ponder this question…

“We’ve gone through the names – Negro, African American, African, Black. For me, that’s an indication of a people still trying to find their identity. Who determines what is black?”

– Spike Lee

Back to the Future Series - "The Problem"

The last time we got together, we began dialoguing about the lasting effects slavery has had on America. As we continue, let's dig a bit deeper...

Before attempting to solve any problem, you have to first define it. Only then will you have adequate information to determine its effects and find a solution.

THE PROBLEM: "Mentacide"

For African-Americans, we have had to endure physical abuse - everything from hundreds of whips on our backs to our necks hanging in nooses, while swinging from trees - the likes of which society urges us to forget. As grotesque (and unwarranted) as these actions against the black race was, I am inclined to argue that the lasting mental effects slavery has produced are far worse than the temporary physical results. Carter G. Woodson, known as the Father of Black History, stated, "when you control a man's thinking, you do not have to worry about his actions." The most devastating impact slavery has had on African Americans is not physical, but rather, psychological. Centuries after slavery has ended, many African Americans are still mentally chained to the plantation.

However, as mentioned in my intro blog to this series, MENTACIDE not only affects African Americans, but also affects White Americans as well. How naive to think that we (blacks, whites, and other races) all live together, but are unaffected by the same things. The impact of how events affect us all can be likened to a city that is shaken by an earthquake. The rumblings of the earth show no favor in the foundations of the homes they shake, destruction of bridges and roadways, or lives they happen to take - but at the end of the disaster, the damage is undeniable. Just as a natural disaster can devastate an entire community, a social tragedy (such as slavery), can leave a society in shambles.

African Americans are bombarded with negative pieces of information that conveniently highlight our inability to...for lack of better terminology, GET IT TOGETHER - BUT, are our white counterparts as together as some would like to believe? In my opinion, the answer is simple. NO.


While many African Americans live in an irrational belief of inferiority and fear, just as many White Americans live in a state of superiority and denial. This flawed thought process on both parties' parts is directly related to the master/slave relationship blacks and whites had during slavery. The dynamics and resulting actions of this defective bond has been ingrained in all of our brains and behaviors over many generations...and of course, it will take more than one generation to reverse its effects.

Speaking of 'its' effects, that is the subject of our next conversation. So, let's meditate and let this marinate. Until next month, speak your piece...

"In order to liberate the [Black] mind, we have to change and fundamentally transform the consciousness of the [Black] individual." - Gershom Williams

This liberation applies to ALL minds.

Contact Ms Qui at: msquivive@gmail.com

President Obama and the “Cool Black Man” Persona: Roundtable

From President Obama's college years

Ever since the primaries, many black people accused him of not being black enough, but they were quickly silenced (consider this season’s episode of The Boondocks that focused on the black community’s silencing of black critics of President Obama). Now, after the President’s cool response to the oil spill, we even have some white liberals (i.e. Bill Maher) accusing him of not being black enough. These accusations have one thing in common: they stem from a disapproval of Obama’s coolness, or, in other words, his refusal or inability to display anger. Do we want him to get heated, for a change? What's the problem with his cool approach? Why is this an important topic of discussion in terms of race

Ms MaShari

I think the Black male is often associated with violence, and it's difficult for people to see a mixed race President (named Barack Hussein Obama) who doesn't live up to that age-old stereotype. I think one of our readers mentioned in an earlier post how people like to categorize one another. Clearly, people don't know what to make of him 'cause he is cool. Just think about that strut across the lawn at Pennsylvania Ave. and the calmness he exuded during the debates that led him to the presidency. He's a BAD man! But no matter what he does, it won't be right in the eyes of everyone else. Long after he's out of office, people will still be talking. Guess what, they aren't the President either! So why should it matter? To me, Obama is doing just what he should be doing, which is all he absolutely can do in his power.

Miss Berneta

You're right, Ms. Mashari, he IS a "BAD" man (shut yo mouth!). But, see the problem is, he's not bad in that Shaft/Gangsta/Samuel L. Jackson sort of way. Obama ain't the kind of negro that's going to snap all of a sudden on the Republicans and be like, "Look, muthaf@%kers, I don said it once and I ain't saying it twice! Ya'll gon pass this health care bill!" I admit, even I am guilty of wanting Obama to get angry once in a while, to display some emotion, to be a little less cerebral and a little more emotional. (It's not because I have no other way of understanding black masculinity, however. It's more so because I understand people in general better when I see them display emotion. People who are always always level-headed, no matter what the crisis, simply vex me; I feel like I can never really understand such a person).

White America (and maybe even black America) is used to the angry black man image I just mentioned: white Americans both love it and fear it. Unfortunately, the worse thing President Obama could do politically is get angry, because it's a guarantee he'll lose some much-needed support from whites (while he might regain some steadily waning support from brown and black folks in this country). It's a guarantee that you'll have white America shouting several things:

1) "That's right! That's right!," white liberals will shout, and from then on expect the angry Obama to make appearances occasionally, especially in favor of their causes.

2) "That's just incredibly unprofessional and not a good look for our country," white moderates will groan, from then on expecting the man to never ever exhibit the slightest emotion, for even the slightest emotion will hark back to angry Obama,

3) "See, I told you they are all angry and violent," white conservatives will say, and proceed to search for violent past behavior from Obama's youth in order to further invalidate his humanity and turn him into a stereotype of black masculinity

Sigh. The man is in a precarious situation. If I were him, I would choose my moments carefully, but I would not choose to remain always completely calm so as to avoid the stereotype. Ultimately, being stereotyped as a black person is unavoidable. Any wise person knows that, and I would hope that he knows it. Look, his wife merely said she was for once proud to be an American, when he won the primaries, and they painted her as a fist-in-the-air-afro-wearing black panther sort (I wish) and Michelle couldn't be further from that.

Ms Qui Vive

Is it just me...or aren't there more important things at the White House (and in the world) to worry about?? Clinton was known for his charm, Bush was known for his, well...lack of intelligence, and now, Obama is known for being “cool.” What's the big deal? I happen to appreciate and have mad respect for anyone who can remain tactful under extreme scrutiny and pressure...

Although Obama DOES seem to keep his cool, I wouldn't expect anything otherwise from a person with his leadership responsibility of ANY race...

Though it WOULD be funny to me if he gave the masses what they were looking for one day!

Ms MaShari

LOL, Miss Berneta! I remind you that Obama's campaign slogan was a "Change We Can Believe In," and that change meant a new attitude, a new swag, and a "NEW BAD." Think about it, he's mixed race and was raised by his Caucasian mother, having been exposed to a multitude of cultures and raised in Hawaii and overseas until middle school or so, and people really want to see Obama go Black Dynamite a time or two. Yeah, right! It seems like some of us signed up for the change, but weren't quite ready for just what the change meant. A cool dude that just happens to be brown skinned, wears his trousers a little high but looks just dandy doing it, and remains calm under a world of pressure. Miss Qui, like you, I'm enamored by the man we call Mr. President and I applaud him for what LL Cool J calls "doin' it well.”

Mz. Kewe

I don’t know about the you guys... but I am kinda tired of these age old stereotypes just because he’s a black man... now you’re telling me that there are white liberals saying "he’s not black enough." That just sounds way too ignorant to me. What is Not Black Enough?? Exactly? How do you act "black" ( or as i use to ask as a child... " how so you act a color?")? Just because he’s African American does that mean he has to be Angry, short tempered? Etc, etc? To me, this really just boils down to ignorance. Personally, I like a strong yet cool demeanor, which is how Obama comes across to me. There are other ways of showing strength, and it’s not always blowing up and showing emotion all the time... actually... he probably displays more strength in NOT letting his emotions get the best of him.

Miss Berneta

I agree with your sentiments entirely, Mz. Kewe. Although, I have to say that whenever I hear a black person indignantly ask, "How do you act black?" in debates like this, I automatically shake my head. Lol. No matter how bourgie we all are, we ALL know what it means when someone says you're acting black (and, likewise, that you're acting white). Let's not even pretend.

But like you said, Mz. Kewe, there are other ways of showing strength. Personally, I think all the hubbub about his temperament distracts us from some of the real work (for better or for worse) that President Obama is doing and also neglecting to do.

Positive stuff he's done: health care bill (albeit it's a watered-down version); executive order to protect queer individuals’ right to see their partner when/if his/her partner is hospitalized; loan forgiveness for individuals who have dedicated 10 years to public service; extending unemployment benefits.

Negatives (stuff he's done or failed to do): hasn't repealed the anti-prostitution clause in our HIV/AIDS funding program (which basically prevents any organization that supports sex workers from received funding from the program); the huge corporate bailouts; merit-based teacher's program; took abortion coverage out of the health care bill; he put Elena Kagan, yet another Harvard (inexperienced) law professor, one of his buddies, on the Supreme court (now, all but one of the justices is a Harvard or Yale graduate).

I could go on and on with this second list for sure. But all this…this is the stuff we should be talking about. And the whole focus on Obama's temperament is a mere distraction that's working in his and his administration's favor and not in our, the people's, favor.

Mz. Kewe

Do we really all know the "what acting black or white” is? Even if so...does it not change the ignorance, given the fact that defining what is black and what is white varies from each individual to the next? For me, I feel that characteristics of an African American male would be Pride, egotistical, protector and strong. I, personally, never associated angry or temperamental behavior exclusively to a black man. (Actually, I hear it more associated with black women.) Now these are my personal opinions about their characteristics, not to say I'm right or not to say I'm wrong, but this goes to show that not everyone has the same idea of how a person of a certain race should act. If I were to judge a black man and say that he's "not acting black" according to MY belief of what a black man should act like, that's total ignorance because his beliefs may differ from mine. What do these white liberal believe characteristic of a black man should be? Do all of them agree? I'm sure we could find some individuals out there that would say " oh yea... he's definitely a “n*66a" just because he does have a cool calm demeanor. I heard an interview he did for a radio show in NY while he was campaigning and one of the hosts asked jokingly " so Mr Obama, do you still have sex with your wife?" And Obama replied jokingly as well: " as for my wife, that's none of your business" and all the hosts of the show laughed and said "he IS a BLACK MAN Y'ALL!" So, according to their definition... Obama meets it. I know I'm rambling and probably over stressing my point (as usual) but the fact is everyone’s definition of how a certain race of people acts varies from person to person, so in essence saying someone isn't acting the way they should according to what race they are IS ignorance.

What is your take on this topic?

"Back to the Future"

The Prelude

They say hindsight is 20/20, but in my few years of living, experiences have afforded me with clear vision on a few matters of life. One thing I am passionate about is ethics and fair treatment among all people, but I am particularly concerned with the African American race because well…let’s face it, I’m black.

Here recently, I have been especially observant and aware of subconscious attitudes and behaviors in America that I believe stem directly from the shameful stain of slavery. It is inane to minimize the significant effect the American enslavement of African Americans that lasted for hundreds of years has had (and still continues to have), and even more senseless to limit its effects to the mindsets and outcomes of only one race.

Over the next few months, I will begin a dialogue with you...a multi-part series, if you will, that will cover several aspects of the this topic from varying perspectives. My intent is not to complain, shame, or lay blame – but, rather, to present some realities and from them, collectively and positively more toward the future.

Until then, I welcome your comments, experiences, thoughts, and questions...

“The acknowledgement of our weakness is the first step in repairing our
loss.” – Thomas Kempis

Contact me at: msquivive@gmail.com

Debunk the Junk...Then Chunk

I have a shameful addiction…

I – love – reality TV! Any kind, it doesn’t matter – from D-list celebrities attempting to find love, to hard core boot camps, even to Housewives in any region…I’ve got to watch each episode, including the reunion show where there’s bound to be an onstage ambush attacking the upcoming reality star everyone loved to hate (and who will probably have their own reality show in the fall!)

Check out one of my new faves.

Ok, now this is reality tv. But come on, JuneBug Family, is hoarding a little junk really ‘ruining your life,’ ‘embarrassing,’ and a ‘living hell??’ In their cases, it is much more than a stashing a little bit of junk, but I’m sure these monstrous heaps of useless clutter didn’t start out that way. These paralyzing cases of hoarding started out small, as any other problem does. Small stacks of mail on tables. Forgetting to load the dishwasher each night. A couple of shirts missing the dirty clothes hamper. Nothing major, eh? Now those small stacks, forgetful nights, and couple of shirts have turned into a physical blockade, a mental prison, and an emotional captivity.

You would never let it get that out of hand, would you?

Many people, including myself, struggle with clutter in our lives on a daily basis. Clutter, a "confused multitude of things" (WordNetWeb, 2010), can rear its debris-filled head and consume our time, leaving us zapped of our energy, and unable to be productive. Although, there still may be a clear path to our front door, that does not mean our lives are junk-free – it may just mean our junk is revealed in other ways…

• working excessive hours at your job – more than you are able to or need to
• running errands for others and neglecting your own responsibilities
• physically or financially taking care of family members or friends who can take care of themselves
• over-committing OF yourself – and under-committing TO yourself
• living in the past – wondering what could have been?
• feeling guilty about saying ‘no’
• depression, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy

…the list could go on!

Each of us knows what is cluttering our lives – draining our time and energy from being productive. In his book, The Ten Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management, Hyrum Smith gives several ‘natural laws’ for managing your life and time. Law 7 states, “we satisfy needs when our beliefs are in line with reality (Smith, 1994).” To reduce the clutter in our lives, we should focus on our needs, which will frame our beliefs and give us rules to live by, shape our behavior, and give us the results we desire.

Life is much more than a quick run-through, it is a one-time opportunity to take full advantage and make the most of your time and potential. What we do (or choose not to do) affects others in the world around you. Our actions will spawn us or those around us to potential greatness. Likewise, our inaction will lead to nothing more than mediocrity.

Let’s define what is cluttering our lives, release it, and begin to live freely!

Here at JBT, we continually strive to find ways to engage our readers by offering unique opportunities to interact. Is there something physically, mentally, or emotionally cluttering you life? Do you barely have enough energy to make it through the week? Are there never enough hours in your day? Are you interested in being more productive? Join us via conference call as Kandice Washington explores taking back your time and energy, as well as introducing you to affordable life coaching options. It will take place on Tuesday, June 29^th at 8pm (CST). Please email knwashington09@gmail.com to sign up and receive conference call access by Monday June 27^th.

Real Talk, Real Issues

Introductions can be iffy.

Either your palms begin to sweat from nervous jitters, or you give a firm, convincing handshake and a confident smile. You trip over your set of two left feet, or you comfortably sashay your way into the crowd. Either way, you will do one of two things:

Rise to the occasion or bomb out like a wet firecracker.

To keep from accomplishing the latter, we will keep it simple…for now--- Welcome to JuneBug Talk!

Perhaps you found us on Facebook, are familiar with one of our bloggers, or just happened to pass through…happenstance allowed our paths to intermingle at this present moment, and hopefully intellectual dialogue and positive discourse will allow us to establish a lasting impression in each other’s lives.

So what is JuneBug Talk really about?

Well, before we answer, here is a quick science lesson. As many internet sites so “eloquently” define them, june bugs are large beetles that are instinctively attracted to light and are commonly seen late May and early June. June bugs, which are usually dormant in the winter, increase their activity in the spring by making themselves visible; they pupate and lay their eggs underground, then later emerge as full adults.

Now that the science lesson is over, here is the real lesson. JuneBug Talk is about engaging each other, enlightening our selves, and empowerment through words. Just as our infamous namesake cannot deny it’s attraction to light, we cannot ignore our desire to attain knowledge. Like our arthropod counterparts lay eggs, when we plant thoughts and cultivate the roots of curiosity these ideas develop through engagement, and bring into being "full adult June Bugs," who are empowered and motivated towards inner growth and inspired and productive in their interaction with the world around them.

From all of us at JuneBug Talk, welcome to the family! Now, pull out your laptops and iPhones, set your fingers on those home keys, and get ready for “Real Talk, Real Issues.”