Advice: Single Woman with Needs

I was thinking: I'm a single woman and I have needs. I have a single long time friend (guy) who has needs. Should we have a sexual relationship with no strings?

- Anonymous

Mz. Kewe

If only in a perfect world we could have sex and risk not getting our feelings involved... but we are human, not dogs or cats or dolphins! Some people actually HAVE the ability to do that... however. But with him being your friend and you being a woman... the chance that you will get your feelings involved are pretty high, in my opinion. You could be biting off more than you can chew. The good news is... if He is truly your friend, then it’s also a possibility that you may NOT lose the friendship if being Friends with Benefits doesn't work out. I have been in the situation where a friend of mine decided to take it a step further and my feelings got hurt... eventually, we both got over it and went back to being friends, but the I could have lived without the intermediary drama. Another friend of mine had the same scenario, and she kept her friendship with the guy as well... I'm not sure if we have lucky stories or whatnot. I've heard some stories about these scenarios and the friendship was never the same. But, honestly, if I just want to have sex with someone... I don't want to deal with ANY drama what so ever, so even though I kept my friend... we went through drama that put our friendship in jeopardy AND ultimately... ended our Benefits factor... so it really wasn't worth it for me. If your looking to fulfill your needs... look for someone with whom you don't have a prior friendship.

Ms. Qui Vive

I will keep my 'devil on the shoulder' opinion to myself...NOT!  If you are young, single, and use protection, I say go for what you know.  If you can keep your feelings in check and expect nothing more than to 'meet your needs...' you might have a win-win situation.  Just always expect, in the end, what you expected, from the start.

Miss Berneta

Absolutely not! In my experience, the "no strings attached" sex with a friend scenario never ends well. Why? Because if it goes on long enough strings inevitably get attached. In fact, it's hard not to get emotionally-attached to and all "caught up" with someone who is both 1) a long-term friend, and 2) someone you're having sex with on the regular. If you don't think you and this person will ever have a future as a couple (like, not ever, no possibility), you should not sleep with him. It'll likely lead to some hurt feelings, even if you guys do approach it from a "we're just friends who have sex" standpoint. And it could ruin a possibly good, healthy, long-term friendship. Besides, in my experience, empty sex (I consider loveless, convenient sex to be empty sex) is almost worse than no sex. Mz. Kewe is dead right: at the very least, find someone with whom you have no prior connection. But, personally, I probably wouldn’t do it, no matter the person.

Ms. Mashari

I would say it's a decision that's entirely up to you and based upon your own comfort level.  If you know what you want and communicated that with your potential partner, I don't see a problem with having a sexual relationship with that person.  Before acting, I would encourage you to assess if you're both capable of having a no-strings attachment or if it could evolve into something more.  In addition, I would say to talk it out in the event your feelings change, which can happen from time to time.

Having had some experiences similar to what Mz Kewe and Miss Berneta have mentioned, I can't say I'm in the place where this would work for me, but keep in mind we're all so very different.  While some of my relationships ended up awry, others were a learning and growth opportunity for me to set boundaries, communicate my desires, or even explore intimacy.  I wouldn't change a thing about my past either.  Here and now, I want more out of a relationship than I did back then when sex would simply suffice; I'm more interested in sharing a connection that is mentally, emotionally, and physically stimulating simultaneously.  You may or may not be in the same place (and guess what, that's okay), so I suggest you do what suits you, be confident in your decision, and accept whatever comes of it (i.e. continued or broken friendship, a long-term romantic relationships, heartbreak, sex education and exploration, babies and baby daddy drama and child support madness, STDs, etc.)

When Image is Everything

By GuestBug Vivian

Public relations (PR) – noun

1. the actions of a corporation, store, government, individual, etc., in promoting goodwill between itself and the public, the community, employees, customers, etc. 
2. the art, technique, or profession of promoting such goodwill 

I have a theory. Whenever you meet someone new, you always put your best foot forward. You project yourself in a manner that shows more of the likable parts than not. You aren’t acting insecure or timid (or maybe you are, I don’t know); you’re a gorgeous, confident diva who doesn’t take any crap. Well, I call this good PR.

When it comes to online dating, it’s very easy to do. You write a happy description of yourself and your likes; in my experience, if you come off as a “Debbie Downer,” guys aren’t into it. Think about it: if you read a guy’s profile and it’s even the slightest bit pessimistic…it’s not really attractive, is it?

So people keep it peppy. It’s almost like the type of PR you put out for a job interview; instead of a new job, it’s a new mate. The first few exchanges are like the preliminary round. A few email/phone call/text messages later, you’re out on date #1. Date #1 is like your first in-person interview. You dress to the nines for the occasion, and if you hit it off, it’s date #2. If it keeps going at this rate, who knows where you end up. At some point, you let the walls down and show it all, the good and the bad. And that’s the true test.

Have you ever been out with someone and after a few dates you slowly realize this person is not the person you thought they were? I once dated a guy who kept it up for a whole three months. He was a soft-spoken, laid back rocker type who was totally the observer. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m a talker. I mean I can talk you into next Tuesday if you let me, but not about superficial topics of conversation. And I did most of the talking. The thing was, he was the exact opposite of what he presented. I’m a liberal, so he was liberal. But he really wasn’t. To each his own, but own it, feel me? After three months, his true self came out, and it wasn’t for me. He just had such good PR, he didn’t PR any of his actual qualities.

So in my quest for online love, I’ve seen this more often than not. I read a guy’s profile, he sounds pretty rad, we talk on the phone, he can carry on an intelligent conversation, we meet, and there’s always something. Like date #15 whose profile said he was 5’9”, but when we met he was actually 5’6”. Or date #1 whose profile said he was looking for long-term, but then told me he was really just looking for a friend. The point is, whether I’m online through my profile or meeting someone in person, I’m not projecting my insecurities; I am trying to keep it real. Good PR only takes you so far; the rest has to come from you, baby!

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Read more of Vivian's dating perspective at her very own blog, http://datinginqc.blogspot.com.

MEN vs. WOMEN: Who really has the advantage in dating?

We can all agree that interactions between men and women undeniably consist of a Venus vs. Mars dynamic, particularly when it comes to dating. Sometimes it seems like a constant battle with one another, trying to understand the different mindsets, communication styles, responsibilities—who plays what role in a relationship, etc etc. Considering all these different elements that take place when we deal with one another, who do you believe understands the situation more clearly and has the upper hand when it comes to dating? Men or women?

Ms Qui Vive

What kind of question is that?? WOMEN GET it better in general because we’re smarter!

Ok, before the rains come tumbling down, I’m kidding!

I actually think most men and women have equal understanding, just different reactions, and maybe we can construe those reactions as one person having a better grasp or upper hand over the other. Women tend to be more vocal, while many men think more than they talk. So, when a woman deals with an issue she may deal with it by talking it out, venting, and creating room for discussion – does that make her smarter than the man who may be quietly thinking things through? Not for me…

I know an equal number of dumb-dumbs in both gender categories!

Ms Mashari

Ms Qui, I have to agree and disagree with you. Women are more talkative and express their emotions where men typically aren't as vocal, but that makes neither sex better than the other at dating in my opinion. What I do think sets women apart from men is our supernatural abilities. LOL! That's right, I said supernatural. I'm just saying if you think about, we have a keen sense of awareness and intuition, so we can use our powers to navigate the dating landscape. For instance, we know if ole boy ain't really feeling us and he's just taking us out to get into the panties, we know when "RayRay' is catching feelings, and we know when the Mister calls himself stepping out on us too. The cards are always on our table, ladies!

Ms Qui Vive

Ms MaShari – you sho’ right! A woman’s intuition is one of her best assets!

Miss Berneta

I'm going to second Ms. Qui Vive on this one. I do think most men and women understand each other about equally. And I also don't think it's as simple as Venus and Mars. Men and women have a little of both, to be honest. That division just doesn't capture the complexity of men and women.

A friend and I were recently discussing how difficult it is to understand men, and we decided that the problem is simple: we all want love, but maybe we just have very different conceptions of what love is or should look like.

For instance, I am going to generalize from myself and assume that many women have a very straightforward view of the type of romantic love we want: we want to find a partner (probably a life partner) who is a companion and a friend, someone whom we can nurture and who will nurture us, a partner who will forgo other sexual partners, just as we ourselves will forgo other sexual partners.

It would be easy to say that men want that too. But I sometimes find it difficult to determine what type of love many men want. Does the average man also share this average, straightforward view of romantic love that I (hesitantly) suggest many women want? Does he also want a partner (a life partner), who is a companion and a friend, someone whom he can nurture and who will nurture him, who will forgo other sexual partners, someone for whom he himself will forgo other sexual partners? Or is it something different that they want? A lot of men don't seem very interested in "life partners" to me, for instance, and when they do end up with one, some of them seem a tad resentful about having to (or being pressured to) abandon their options. But maybe I'm just generalizing too much about men?

I think in the end men and women both understand each other equally; maybe we all know how to make it work or maybe none of us know how to make it work. And so we struggle with and against each other. I’m starting to think John Legend gets it right: maybe everybody knows but nobody really knows.

Ms Mashari

Miss B, I like what you said here, and I wanna go a bit further. My boo, Hill Harper, wrote about this in his book called The Conversation. Men are conditioned from childhood to "Man up" and told not to cry. In addition, men are encouraged to play the field and "shop around" like the ol' school tune. However, women are sold some fantasy and encouraged to save themselves for Prince Charming. Only a handful of us have met him according to the statistics. After years of being told one thing, women are pressuring men to settle down and become their dreams of this great man who is loving, educated, sensitive (not too sensitive), faithful, and the list goes on. So I guess the score is Women 1 for intuition and Men 0, but maybe it’s unfair to have this dialogue without the input of our men.

Miss Berneta

I definitely agree, Ms. Mashari. This type of romantic love that women idealize (that I outlined) is definitely programmed into us. (I tried to read that Hill Harper book, but couldn't get through it.) I think we, men and women, really need to own up to and examine the images and cultural ideas from our childhood (from television, from books) and how they have influenced our perceptions of love and dating. A lot of us want to make "men are just like this" and "women are just like this" arguments, which only hide the fact that we are all sent the same images about love, messages that push us to behave according to certain roles. And our firm adherence to those gender roles only cause problems between us. (This is also why I tend to be more interested in men who have a feminist mindset, men who have thus begun to examine the notions they've received about masculinity since childhood; random side note. :D).

justJames

This is a big question and not easily answered. In today's world of dating, it is a lot more philosophical so to speak. A lot more dynamic. During our parents and grandparents era, dating was static or black and white. The guy inititated the contact on most levels. From the, "Hi my name is...", to the, "would you marry me?" From that perspective the advantage could have been perceived to be in favor of the woman since everything depended on her response to the man's inquiry.

But today's dating world is much more as I said above, philosophical. People are more learned than in the past. Both men and women work, there's the proliferation of many dating sites, so on ans so on. So now both men and women have more "options". No longer do people just date friends from school or from the neighborhood, but many have long distance relationships, some crossing state lines.

The question is who has the advantage given all the different variables (i.e. Communication, mindset, etc.)? On a large scale I believe women have the advantage when it comes to dating... If! If I am looking at it from a mental perspective, women have proven throughout history that they are just better built communicators.

From a physical perspective, men have the advantage very simply because of sheer numbers. Women outnumber men so much so, that even the most unsightly guy thinks he's "somebody". I traveled to Washington D.C. and witnessed a gentleman dressed in skinny jeans, loafers no socks, a leather vest, and receding hairline. The ratio of women to men in D.C. is greater than 5to1. In a more balanced society, this gentleman who wasn't much of a looker wouldn't have left happy hour with "Beyonce." Just my opinion. Because of this these types of ratios, I believe men on some levels have become more selective in picking a dating partner. I believe because of this it has become more competitive for women, which has forced them to become the aggressor. So, now as a guy it has become normal for a woman to initiate a lot of the dating "contact".

On the surface it all seems advantageous but that shift in dating stems from a deeper problem in society that can be discussed later. ..and I have not even touched on bi-sexuality or anything else. Should I keep going LoL..!

Ms Qui Vive

Now, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout James! Maybe men DO think...JK, JK!

So, women have the upper hand in communicating and men have the advantage in numbers...

Ms Mashari

I say, "What!" Um, I don't even have a rebuttal. Hand clap, two snaps, and a pat on the back, justJames!

Miss Berneta

James, yes, let’s not even start on bisexuality. I could go on forever about my own difficulty, as a bisexual, dating and having to have two different dating styles: one for men and one for women. Ya'll don't even want me to get started.

But I'm curious about the "deeper problem " that you think the shift stems from. Because I think you're on to something with that. This shift is an issue of numbers, but as you suggest, it's also an issue at once much more complicated than just numbers. There is something occurring in our culture in terms of human interaction. Texting, internet communication, and unprecedented numbers of college-educated people...all those factors have everything to do with this shift—we probably have one of the highest populations of college-educated people of any country. And we’re seeing the affects of these factors (good and bad) on the world of dating. In fact, I think the change is most obvious in the world of dating and relationships. Too bad my thoughts are too scattered at the moment, but maybe this could make for an interesting follow-up post. But it was nice to get a male perspective.

justJames

This was a great question, so kudos to who ever thought of it. There are many layers within the question itself depending on how deep a person is willing to "dig" so to speak.

Who do you think has the upper hand?

Cheating Marriages

By GuestBug TOAR

TOAR is back bitches! If have no idea who I am, your bad. Sike naw! Lol here is a little "Tid-Bit":

Let's Cut to the chase, she is not some bubbly censored bimbo. She's a 20 something college student living in "urban" Detroit, MI where you get the shit slapped out of you if you step on a guy's J's and being a Harajuku Barbie or a 5 Star Chick is a profession. She talks shit about most things and make fun of everything else - Sex & Race mostly because it is the most Taboo. She also goes off on crazy tangents in "(parenthesis)." TOAR calls it her own personal "random writing chaos." Even though she creates hell when she write about these subjects, she likes to know that at Thoughts of a Randomista, she creates a safe place to express her ideas while receiving feedback from her readers. TOAR Loves The Twilight Saga (TEAM EDWARD, his messy bed hair makes her drool) and Guest Bloggers. And she HATES introductions!

ANYWAY back to cheating marriages. This is not the same fun loving post as "BabyGirl you gone wrap it or not?" I think cheating marriages can be expressed two ways: committed and non-committed.

Let's examine non-committed first! Personally, I have been engaged for 2 years now and I am so still totally freaked out by the word marriage. Like so many others, being married is sacred to me. I don't care if it is between a man and a woman or same sex - love is love. A fairy tale. A twilight romance. Everyone has their ups and downs but how much is too much and FOREVER?! It is kinda overwhelming. So in this sense cheating marriage is postponing it because you are totally freaked out - like me.

I mean I am committed to my fiance' and I am totally in love with him so I should want to jump the broom right? I don't feel like I have any wild oats to sow up so what's the problem? I just think that I want to make sure but I am also not ready. I don't believe in divorce so this would be it for me. Can we say cold feet? Idk. He is the one for me I know but ugh forever? I sound like a dude. I guess we've been together 6 years so far, that's almost forever in a sense. You know, in a "year-to-date" kinda way. That's almost 1/4th of my life lol.

Let me get on to the second part of the post and another reason why I am so totally freaked out: committed to marriage. Well like I said before marriage is the happily ever after - the fairytale. All of is girls grew up with cinderella and prince charming so we are already programed to look for our prince charming. I just realized at the age of 22, not all prince charmings are perfect. They are still human. So now the point. People who are in marriages cheat. Not all people, but the ones you least expect. Like for instance, a friend of mine's aunt and uncle have been together for 36 years. But come to find out he has cheated on her dozens of times. But they are still together. They still are married and in love. But I don't want that kind of marriage. Marriage is hard work. Wow it just put things in prospective for me.

That wasn't the only case. Come to find out, many people do it regularly. Like it's supposed to be like that. NOOO! Is my marriage doomed before it starts?

I've made some mistakes and so has my fiancé. Do I continue to let the past burden our future?

So how much is too much? Forgiveness? Love? Cheating?! Ugh. Some fairytales exists, just prince charming isn't so perfect.

FYI- females, you bitches aren't excluded either. Slores.
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Follow and comment TOAR at Thoughts of a Randomista.

The Problem I have with Home Wreckers

There's been a lot of commotion centered around the newly surfacing occurrences of home wrecking in our society; especially in our Celebrity world. Everyone, from social networking sites such as Facebook, to bloggers in the blogosphere, to news stations such as CNN is broadcasting every piece of information concerning the latest "home wrecker, "legal matters or what juicy gossip may arise. I'm sure everyone's familiar with the "Top 3" home wrecking women in today's Celebrity World; Alicia Keys, Gabrielle Union and Fantasia Barrino, but In all fairness, let me go on ahead and sum of the situation concerning these ladies.

Alicia Keys- Accused of breaking up the marriage of Rap Artist and Record Producer Kasseem Dean ( AKA Swizz Beatz) and former wife and Singer Mashonda Tifrere -Dean. Supposedly, the two have been secretly involved with one another for two years during Dean's marriage, but didn't announce their involvement with one another until after the divorce was finalized. According to MaShonda, she had suspicions of the love affair, but when she questioned the both of them, they denied their involvement. When in May 2009, both Swizz Beatz and Ms Keys announced the two's involvement, MaShonda grew upset and lashed out to Ms Keys in the infamous Twitter message addressed to Alicia. Now, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz have married one another and are expecting their first child in November

Gabrielle Union- Recently announced her involvement with NBA All Star Dwayne Wade, once his divorce from his Ex Wife was finalized. Like Alicia and Swizz, the 37 year old Gabrielle Union and 28 year old Dwayne Wade kept the relationship under wraps to avoid bad press or any other suspicions. Siohvaughn, Wade's Ex wife, has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against Union in the following months of the finalization of their divorce, accusing Union of many " inappropriate behavior including "engaging in sexual foreplay" with Wade in front of their two young sons, 8 and 2; and other accusations of endangering the boys mental and physical health

Fantasia Barrino- Who, might I add, received the BUTT of public scrutiny, is currently dating Antwuan Cook, who recently divorced his wife. The two have been involved with one another for over a year during the time Cook was married to his wife. Although Barrino claims that Cook and his wife were separated during that time, Mrs Cook didn't see it that way and filed a lawsuit against Barrino accusing her of "seducing her husband" and having an affair with him while he was still living in the home.Overwhelmed by the lawsuit, Barrino was hospitalized under the suspicions of attempted suicide. After this incident, news stations such as CNN took full coverage of her story, revealing to the media as much information possible, including claims that it was all a publicity stunt.

So what's the connection with these 3 stories? All of these women, some who you may have least expected, got involved with Married men, and not long after, these men end up divorcing their current wives and embark on relationships and even MARRIAGE with the "other woman." And seemingly, the Ex wife takes her frustration out on the other woman in the situation.

SO here's my Problem with these situations

Why is it... that not only the wives involved but the media, tabloids and press, tend to seek vengeance against the OTHER WOMAN in the situation and not the man? Last I checked, the man wrote and took the vows to stay faithful to his wife on their wedding, be a provider, protector and willing to work through whatever problems the two may have in the marriage. He and his wife set up a Home, kids, and at the time, a future to stay together "for better or for worse" and "till death due us part." Now that the husband steps out and violates his marital vows, it seems as if the Other woman is the one who receives public criticism, as if she had the upper hand in this decision to breach the marital contract between the man and his wife.

Now, let's not overlook the women in this situation who have been affected in the worst way in this situation. I don't want to down play their feelings by any means. I mean, I can only imagine how it must feel to have dreams and aspirations of a beautiful marriage, family and life, all to have it seemingly stolen away by someone else.

Little Known Fact ( and case in point):

How many of you knew about the baby girl named Nicole Jahna whom a woman by the last name of Sebastian gave birth to by Swizz Beatz back in July of 2008?? This child was conceived DURING his marriage to MaShonda. However, this particular incident was swept under the rug and overlooked by MaShonda. Now that he is currently involved with Alicia Keys, it's a completely different story! Why isn't Swizz Beatz held accountable for anything?? He clearly stepped out on his wife on more than one account with more than one woman.

And the WOMAN gets the bad rap???

Homes broken, dreams crushed and in most cases, finances in a bind, but, my question to these wives and the media in general... who exactly is the REAL Home wrecker?

Unthinkable (I'm Ready)

Singer Alicia Keys croons, "If you ask me, I'm ready" in her latest single from her fourth LP, Element of Freedom. She did the unthinkable and expressed her readiness formally in an intimate wedding to producer Swizz Beatz in France just a week ago. Congratulations, Alicia and Swizz!

It's unthinkable for me to imagine being married at my age, though I thought I was "ready" to jump the broom at the tender age of 19 to a man just about 10 years my senior (who I might add, turned out to be a d-mn fool). Yeah, I know. He was not totally to blame in the situation, as I walked blindly into coupledom like the foolish young girl that I was. I hadn't been schooled on matters of the heart, how to go about a healthy relationship, or money management. I simply thought love was all I, he, or we needed. Boy, was I WRONG? I found myself thinking something similar to the lyrics of Keri Hilson's "What Channel?" constantly. We operated on two completely different wave lengths when it came to our expectations of one another, our finances, and just about everything else but sex, which made for nothing but TROUBLE in what I thought was paradise. After six months of shackin' and a year or so in, it was SPLITSVILLE. We nearly killed each other like an episode of Snapped. Okay, I'm kidding. Really! Some of you might read and protest that you could never be me, while others have played a similar role in their relationships, or some might even know someone with a parallel story. Well, never say never 'cause I never would've thought I would end up being that girl, yet I was. Now no matter where you are in your romantic affairs, we can all learn from today's lesson.

I think one of the most important things I learned from the experience is what my boo Hill Harper calls, "The Conversation." By that I mean, it's crucial to have communication and financial intimacy. When was the last time you and your honey talked about bread? No, I don't mean a loaf. Okay, if it's taking you that long to answer I say it's time for REAL TALK on the issue. Minimize future stress and headaches by getting clear on how you feel about individual and shared financial responsibilities. For instance, who will take care of the utilities at the crib, who will stay home to care of the kiddos if you choose to have them and who will work, or even if you will have separate bank accounts.

NOTE: If you're married and equally responsible, I'm all for shared accounts; however, if you AIN'T

married....(sigh) please don't. I'm just saying.

True story, all you grown and sexy strivers might like Lisa Peterson's Pillow Talk: Make Talking About Money Sexy in Your Marriage. As the saying goes, "Money talks," and Lisa says it doesn't have to be boring. Instead, it can be much more like foreplay. In an interview with 90.9 WBUR, Lisa told listeners to "Have a quickie. Try to quickly check in with each other, whether in person or through the use of little financial love notes." You might even like teasing 'em with a sexy text message or setting reminders with a cute pic in his favorite teddy. My girl Jacquette M. Timmons, author of Financial Intimacy, and the ladies over at DailyWorth suggest loving your boo and your stacks by playfully discussing doe and then progressing onto more serious talks like retirement, insurance, and wills as a team. Find out how financially compatible the two of you are with this quiz. Spend some QT and get to know what's old and new with your significant other with full disclosure and review one another's credit reports once or twice a year. Share your vision on where you'd like to be financially, collaborate to meet those goals, and work together to recover after a setback. However you do it is entirely up to you, but it's crucial that you do get it crackin' with baby about that cheddar. While you might not agree on everything, financial intimacy allows you two to strengthen your partnership.

So lesson #3 for young strivers is:

Become financially intimate with your partner, and gauge what you'd like and your situation to be sure you're really "ready" before doing the "unthinkable."

Questions to Think About

1. Have you experienced relationship trouble because your opinion differs from your boo's on the subject of money?
2. How "ready" are you for the next step in your relationship?
3. How do you and your partner get your finances poppin' behind closed doors?

Top 10 Reasons to Let Go of your Booty Call

Yea June Buggers! you read it right! Mz Kewe strikes again! LOL. So before Ms MaShari gives her expertise on finances ,Ms Berneta talks about her political views or Ms Qui Vive starts her series, I, Mz Kewe ( the sweet one)will touch on another overlooked yet important issues…….. YOUR BOOTY CALL!!!! (oh… …. Don’t act like yall aint never had one!) So in case you missed the movie, or your one of these people that’s been under a rock for the past 15 years, let me give you the urban dictionary’s definitions of what a Booty Call is

Booty Call- A late night summon-often via telephone, cell phone call or text- to arrange clandestine sexual liaison on an ad hoc basis.

Best of both worlds huh…. But like all seemingly good things… its time when it should come to an END, and I ( along with the great assistances from my Check2Check Radio Family shout outs to Xav and Cas) will give you the top reason you need to let this guy/girl, go!



10. The prices of motel 6 jumped- cuz you know you cant take Booty call to your house! With the real spouse there! Please… but yea…. Is he/ she worth 50 60 bucks for maybe an hour of pleasure…NOT! Besides you gotta be home soon anyway

9. They ask you to help pay their rent- broke asses! WTF!!! You are only to serve 1 purpose and 1 purpose only! GTFOH!!!

8 They cant keep their cell phone active or they are always changing numbers - this means that either they are dumb ass broke and have to keep getting new metro or cricket accounts.. or they are hiding from someone… maybe owe child support or a crazy stalker… not the bizness! KEEP IT PUSHIN!

7 You see images running across the room and they claim they don’t have a pet- ohh heck no!!!! WTF just ran across the bed!!!!! Nasty!

6.You see them at an event with a homegirl/homeboy- ohh this fool gets around! Heck no! NOT EVEN attractive!

5, Its been 6 months already – this one is very important… cuz it’s a fact that once you’ve been dealing with someone this long or longer… either you or the other person starts catching ……………. FEELINGS … and that’s a no no… feelings were NOT a part of this deal when I signed up

4, You wake up in the morning and either your windows have been busted or the rims on your car have been stolen and you don’t know who did it– ok so either you didnt follow the 6 month rule or your booty call lives in a bad neighborhood or a turf… either way… CONTRACT BROKEN!

3 You cant find your credit card – damn… thieving asses!

2. Your current REAL mate has gotten out of jail- ENOUGH SAID!!!!

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON TO LET EM GO!!!!

1. You wake up in the morning and find a box of Valrex on their nightstand- awwwww dammmnnnnn ittt!



Well there you have it June Buggers! Enjoy! Now go and leave your thoughts and things you feel should have made this list………………….. NOW

Married/Otherwise Committed Men, Keep Thou Numbers to Yourself.

By Brilliance

As a young woman in search of her mate, I have to tell you there is nothing more annoying than a man who is committed to someone else hollering.

I was chit chatting with one of the homies about her new boo. He sounded like a seemingly decent man—he had a job, a home, and was doing well.

Until she said she asked him why he was single, and he replied, “actually I am not.”

Then she tells me “well, at least he was honest.”

What the Hell?????????

Honest about what, Booboo?? Honesty doesn’t negate the fact that he’s a jerk.

‘Mind you, this is the same friend who was cheated on horribly by an ex-boyfriend. So she went through the months of late night tears, and uncertainty. I was always calming her down after he shitted all over her heart over and over again.

Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, guys are NOT stupid. Men KNOW what they are doing. We, as women, make up so many excuses for their deviant behavior.

When a married/otherwise-committed man tells you he’s committed right away, basically what he’s saying is…

1) Don’t catch feelings because I am attached
2) I am just letting you know what’s up
3) I want you to be my other woman

4) I am sleeping with someone else regularly

Now he’s made a situation where you can’t make any demands on him.

You can’t expect him to take you out regularly. You can’t call him or expect him to call you when you want. By being upfront about everything, he thinks he’s absolving himself from any wrong doing because “he kept it real.”

Which brings me to my next point…

WTH is up with all these guys getting the “other woman” pregnant?

If I hear one more story about a man being in a relationship and getting his jump-off pregnant I am going to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wear an EFFIN’ condom, you douche bag.

Freakin’ IDIOTS.

What’s even more disturbing is that many of the women just accept it. Sweetheart, he’s just not that into you if he’s starting family with another woman. This is particularly unacceptable if he’s not your husband.

I mean, why are you buying pampers, clothing and everything? He had a baby. Not you.

And where do guys get the cajones to ask a woman to stay with him after having a child with someone else?

If she got pregnant by another man, most men would run out the door. Ask Maury.

I am done ranting. Lol Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below.