Showing posts with label celebrities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label celebrities. Show all posts

Monday, November 8, 2010

"Ordinary Brown Braided Woman": A Comment on For Colored Girls


“I had convinced myself colored girls had no right to sorrow and I lived and loved that way and kept sorrow on the curb, allegedly for you, but I know I did it for myself, I couldn’t stand it, I couldn’t stand being sorry and colored at the same time, it’s so redundant in this modern world. Lady in Orange, recited by Loretta Devine

This is a film about the “ordinary, brown braided woman,” as recited amazingly by Gilda (Phylicia Rashad), invoking the Lady in Red (for those familiar with the book). It’s a film for and about women who don’t need any more apologies, who feel Jo (Janet Jackson) when she says, “I got sorry greetin me at my front door.” It's a film for anyone who has any interest and investment in the lives of ordinary, black women.

Tyler Perry, for the first time in his film career, has produced a work that begs the viewer to understand, relate to, and examine the lives of black women: our relationships with each other, with our mothers and sisters, with men. All of his other films purported to do this, but For Colored Girls is the first one that achieves this goal. Quite honestly the negative criticism from viewers astonishes me. And there's a LOT of it, much of which I read prior to seeing the film. After seeing the film, I can only assume that someone totally without connection to or empathy for black women could hate this film; or else someone who (perhaps understandably) simply can’t look past all of Perry’s previous debacles in order to see the gem that we have in his adaptation of Ntozake Shange's For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf.

First off, all of the actresses were excellent and seemed to be fully invested in bringing their characters to life. The only weak links were Kerry Washington (Kelly) and Whoopi Goldberg (Alice), although the latter had some moments that were useful in helping illuminate the idiosyncrasies of other central characters. Kerry Washington, admittedly, wasn’t featured heavily in the film. But, nonetheless, her character evoked little sympathy from me. Perhaps it stems from my general issue with Kerry Washington as an actress: she's generally just kind of whiny in most roles. Whoopi’s character seemed underdeveloped and flat, but I think maybe she did as good as she could with the character.

The standouts? Kimberly Elise (Crystal), Thandie Newton (Tangie), Loretta Devine (Juanita), Anika Noni Rose (Yasmine), and Phylicia Rashad (Gilda). Sure, I just essentially named the whole cast. Quick summary of each character, respectively: utterly heartbreaking, deliciously complicated, hilarious fool in love, unfortunately innocent, and lovingly matriarchal.

Probably largely because of the strength of these actresses, Tyler Perry’s adaptation stands on its own, so much that I did not find myself comparing the film with the stories in Shange’s book. But he definitely stayed true to some of the stories and for that I applaud the man. On the level of writing, all was well done. The back alley abortion made me pause because, with the plethora of Planned Parenthood Clinics, I found it excessively stupid for one of the characters to seek out a back alley person to perform her abortion. However, I believe we were supposed to see this character as excessively naive, for even another character called her stupid when she found out about the back alley abortion. Additionally, the pace of the film picked up drastically and almost uncomfortably right after a pivotal moment between Crystal and Beau Willie (Michael Ealy), and the monologues suddenly started to come one after another, back to back. For a moment I was uncomfortable with the sudden rush, but that moment of discomfort went as quickly as it came because the women did such amazing jobs with their monologues.

The adaptation stands on its own also because Perry did a good job of adding some characters, significantly altering some, and creating nuances that separate the film from the original text. There’s the down low brother that one of the characters has to deal with, plus the cop played by Hill Harper. In addition, Gilda, a character I don't remember from the book, definitely adds a certain amount of cohesion that is necessary to hold the story together in film format. As far as nuances, I was struck by the subtle change in Yasmine's clothing style after she has her traumatic experience. After all his previous heavy-handed, overwrought films, I thought Perry would never grasp the importance of subtlety and nuance. Color me surprised.

While some male commentators have criticized the film, calling it black male-bashing because of its harsh portrayals of the male characters (indeed, during the staging of the play in the 70s, many male members of the audience walked out on several occasions), I think that any black man who sees this play and feels that Perry has personally affronted his black manhood needs to take a step back and realize that the film, like the book, is not about black manhood. Stop centering black masculinity in the discussion of a film that is primarily fixated on black women.

It's about black womanhood, which albeit necessarily invokes a discussion of black manhood. But, first and foremost, a black man misses the message(s) of the film if, during the entire film, he is focused on the men rather than the women. The monologue by the Lady in Orange, recited by Loretta Devine, encapsulates the central message of this film and of the book: we, black women, in our culture are perceived by others (and by ourselves often) as not entitled to sorrow, to emotional vulnerability, to weakness even. We are supposed to be strong and take all the shit handed to us, without complaint, without anger. Because, as my grandmother once said, there's no place for a weak, sad black woman in this world. Well, this film is about confronting and reversing that belief, in the minds of others and, most importantly, in the minds of black women. This film is not about pitying black women (as some commentators have alleged, associating its portrayals with Precious, etc.). It's about showing that black women can feel genuine sorrow and grief and pain and anger, and that that doesn't have to make us pathetic or angry bitches or whiny women looking for pity. It just makes us human.

Secondly, such male commentators fail to take into account the depth of the portrayal of the male characters in this film. Only one man, the rapist, struck me as irredeemably evil in this film. All the other males were clearly individuals with deep-seated issues that the film tried to highlight subtly. For instance, during the table scene between Crystal and Beau Willie, I think we are supposed to understand that Crystal feels sorry for him, that on some level we should feel sorry for him; this does not change the fact that we are supposed to want her to leave him because we know that he is poison to her and her family. People are complicated. In the world we live in, people who hurt us and do evil things often have complicated reasons for doing them, whether we know those reasons or not. While it’s important to safeguard ourselves from such people and take steps to empty our lives of such harmful people, in doing so we should always remember that such people are still human beings (even if such people seem to have forgotten their own humanity or the humanity of others). I think we are supposed to experience the same feeling during the last conversation between Jo and her husband, while not letting that sympathy excuse his behavior.

Needless to say, Jo and especially Crystal are also held accountable for the destruction that they allow these men to bring to their lives. Perry makes sure to reiterate the importance of all parties taking responsibility for the damage done.

So, I don’t think this film bashes black men. As a matter of fact, as I read some of this criticism of Perry's film, I was reminded of the type of one-sided, defensive criticism that The Color Purple (book and film) received from male commentators back in the 80s. According to my aunt, many black male commentators also talked crap about Waiting to Exhale back in the day, and that movie in no way bashed black men; there were numerous positive black male characters in that film. As such, I say these commentators need to cut out the petulant whining just because there's a Oscar buzzing film that centers black women.

For all the other commentators (everyone other than the black male commentators) who delivered negative criticism of the film, I don’t know what to say. Anyone who watches this film should know they are in for some gritty material. No one who knows anything about the book or who has watched the trailers should go into this film expecting a pretty story with a neat little ending. But that is what we’ve come to expect from Tyler Perry (pretty stories with neat little endings), so I understand why some critics went in with such expectations and left disappointed. But, alas, I’m proud to say that this is not just another Tyler Perry film. This is a different kind of Tyler Perry film. Yeah, there's still the Tyler Perry melodrama that can be found in all of his films. But this is one that begs its audience to think a little deeper, to be a little more patient, to listen and question. To think about the "ordinary brown braided woman," embodied by each of the characters. For once, Tyler Perry has produced a good film, a damn good one at that. And I'm pretty sure I never thought I'd use "Tyler Perry...film" and "damn good" in the same sentence.

Final sidenote: Thandie Newton was all kinds of crazy sexy in this film, and I’ve never found the woman attractive before. I’d watch it again, just for her.


For all of those who haven't seen the film, GO SEE IT! And for those who have seen the film, what are your thoughts?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Whip My Hair

At just nine years old, little Willow has stunned millions with her first single called "Whip My Hair." Now I'm not here to criticize the young diva 'cause I must say she's doing her thing, and I can admit to whippin' my hair back and forth when I hear the track too. What? It's catchy; don’t judge me! There's definitely something to be said about a child who can sing "Don't matter if it's long or short. Do it, do it. Whip Your Hair!" about hair confidence. How many of us share this same level of esteem when it comes to our manes? I certainly don’t.


About a year ago, I chose to break things off with the creamy crack. That's right - THE BREAKUP. I told my addiction to straight, chemically processed hair, "It's not you, it's me," and I have since experienced some good and bad hair days. It was hard, and I struggled after getting a significant amount of my hair cut off, so I got a hair crew, a team to support me through my recovery. Now the "new" me and my tresses, still traveling on this hair journey, are here to talk briefly about that trek to the ultimate destination, hair confidence.

For those who know me, you know I'm very particular about my hair, and I can be a bit (okay, REALLY) meticulous…occasionally. That's why going natural has been so challenging for me, but I've decided to go the long haul. What I’ve found more interesting than my own admiration or lack there of when it comes to my napturality is how others have responded to my look.While I, at times, can’t stand it, others rave over my hair and ask questions as to how I managed to achieve my curls or my pressed look when in my mind it’s pure mediocrity. This led me to a SERIOUS question [dramatic music playing], “Is all hair confidence created equally?”, and [music stops]. I would say, “NOT!” Which led me to another question [no music this time], “How does one achieve hair confidence?” For answers, I sought the advice of a few members of my hair team, GuestBugs hairChick and stacI.

hairChick, the professional stylist, shares her personal experience...
"Okay, hair confidence?!? Yeah, still trying to find mine! The other day, as I walked into Hobby Lobby, a chick stopped me and mouthed, "Love the hair!" with a huge smile on her face. As usual, I put on an open mouth smile and said "Thanks!" while really thinking that my hair looked a HOT MESS!!! I put more pressure on myself because hair is my profession. Like, I have to have great looking hair all the time, and I do fall short sometimes (in my eyes). Being natural is totally new to me because I was getting my hair straightened since preschool, starting with presses then relaxers. So my hair confidence went to zero, and I'm slowly trying to build it. I think some women have an overall confidence, so it's easy for them to not be shaken by an "okay" hair day. What I'm doing is just taking it one day at a time and not letting an off hair day, get me down so much. When I wake up and my hair is not right, I fro it and keep it moving!

"If you think changing your hair will give you have more confidence....it won't! You have to find happiness in what you have (which also applies to more than just hair) and trust when people say that your hair looks awesome. So go ahead, whip that hair, even if you don't like it. Once you believe in your hair, others will too!"
Hair Confidence according to stacI...
"I believe self-confidence must be achieved in order for one to have what is called hair confidence. True self-confidence (and inner beauty) will radiate through your body and out through your split ends, curls, dreadlocks, crinkles, twists, braids, or what have you. Look in an "Objects Are Closer Than They Appear" mirror and really evaluate you. Then, you'll be able to recognize, love, and appreciate your strands. You'll glow like something luminous, and your hair will flow in a natural wind.
"About three years ago, I transitioned from relaxed hair to natural, and it was truly an experience. Seven months into the transition I cut my hair and really went from “every six week relaxer girl with straight hair almost touching the middle of her back” to “girl with tiny wanna be locs that wouldn't hold for the world” I found myself putting on flashy earrings and MAC eye shadow to “help me out.” I’d always been hair confident, but that drastic change shocked me. What was I to do without any hair? But I did have hair, to go with a beautiful face and perfect skin tone (I’m not conceited at all). I had to quickly snap out of and realize that my hair was what I’d wanted it to be. A beautiful part of me."
So Buggies, tell me what you think. Ladies, how does one embody hair confidence, and how do you express yours? Fellas, what attracts you to a woman with hair confidence? What’s your take on hair confidence in general and Willow’s single, "Whip My Hair?"

As for me, you ask. For now, I'm whippin' my sometimes curly, sometimes poofy, sometimes cooperative hair and working my way onto hair confidence. Deuces!


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For more from hairChick, hit up her blog at http://hairChick.wordpress.com.
Check out stacI on her very own journey to better at http://ibecomebetter.blogspot.com.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Power

Kanye West, one of my favorite artists of all time (no matter how eccentric), has reemerged in the world of hip hop music, and he’s returned a mid controversy of his alleged ties to the Illuminati after debuting a video for his tracked titled, “Power.” The video depicts a compelling West standing still in the center of a moving painting as he chimes, “No one man should have all that power” over a thumping beat with harmony lulling in the background. For years, people have speculated the Illuminati, an age-old secret society, have plans to take over the world as we know it or secretly run ish already. Now I love him to death, so forgive me here….but Kanye, a member of the Illuminati? I just don’t see it no matter how many symbols the public points to. I mean, this is the same guy who said President George Bush didn’t like Blacks during a telethon following Hurricane Katrina, and the same guy who threw tantrums ‘cause he ain’t win an MTV award, and the same guy who, later, interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance for an MTV award to make his own public service announcement on how undeserving she was and claimed the award should’ve gone to Hov’s wifey Beyonce instead. Unless the research I pored over is wrong, the Illuminati claim to have spiritual enlightenment, but who am I to judge? Love you, Kanye!
Moving right along, class is in session. Today’s lesson is on nothing other than power. Kanye’s track ends with the lyric, “You got the power to let power go.” Deep, huh? Just let that marinate. Ordinarily, some of us walk around complaining to be powerless and wanting the world to change instead of letting go and sharing what we do have to create a Different World. In Start Over, Finish Rich, David Bach dedicated the final chapter to finding your power and the importance of lending it to others who are less fortunate. The best-selling author and personal finance expert quotes Sir John Templeton (b. 1912 - d. 2008) who once said, “The secret of life is to become a ‘go giver’ – not a ‘go getter.’” That goes hard, right? Now I know you’re probably thinking that we’ve just recovered from a recession, and you ain’t got much doe to give. Well, maybe you do and maybe you don’t, but giving back doesn’t always mean trickin’ your money to charity (which is a worthy cause by the way). As Russell Simmons' book title says, Do You! the best way you can.
For sometime now, my friendgirl Staci of My Journey to Better has grumbled about the poor economic conditions of Edgecombe County in Rocky Mount, N.C. She’s also mentioned how the neighboring county, Nash, is thriving, which brought Haiti and the Dominican Republic to mind. Every time she’s mentioned it I’ve asked, “What are you going to do about it?” The first time I asked her, she seemed stunned as if to say, “No, she didn’t!” This last time, she sat quietly and pondered on what and how she could do something, anything. Much too often, we immediately discount

ourselves as being unfitting to tackle an issue or not having the means necessary to make it happen, but that’s not what power and giving back are about. When Miss Qui Vive approached me about this blog venture, I thought, “Yeah, I have ideas. But really, who is going to listen?” Some 2,000 hits later, I’m still hangin’ in there. I'm glad I agreed to do it because I pushed pass something hindering me from within myself, and I've been able to get you to think about money (maybe in a way you never had).
About a week or so after choppin’ it up with my friendgirl Staci, she came to me again and spoke of a dream – a vision. She had become inspired by her burden and contacted a local city council member in Rocky Mount, N.C. for some REAL talk on improving the city’s conditions. Instead of sitting by idly, she found her power and in it, her purpose. She sought to organize a health and wellness fair with vendors from across the state contributing services to the public at no charge in hopes of awakening the city and whipping its’ people into shape. Motivated by her power to improve the lives of others, she also asked for yours truly to participate, as a financial literacy advocate, among the support of many other young strivers and entrepreneurs. And she’s already scheming ideas to empower the city’s youth with the first-ever Teen Summit.
Speaking from personal experience, I know using my power for the greater good has been a humbling and rewarding one. Not only do I help someone else, but I feel better about myself in the process. I get what some call the "Helper's High" and look past whatever dilemmas I am facing by focusing all of my attention on doing good for others. Research has shown that we feel a sense of euphoria after acts of kindness, and our brains have a response similar to its' reaction to chemicals like dopamine. So get high by getting your give on!

In case you didn’t quite get it, lesson #4 for young strivers is:
Tap into your power and shine your light on others through giving whatever you have to offer
(i.e. dinero, time, etc.) no matter how much or little it is.
Questions to Think About:
  1. Are you a “go giver” or a “go getter?”
  2. Do you know where your power lies? And your purpose?
  3. How do you use your power to better the world?
  4. What's your take on Mr. West's video? If you haven't seen it, watch for yourself below.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Problem I have with Home Wreckers




There's been a lot of commotion centered around the newly surfacing occurrences of home wrecking in our society; especially in our Celebrity world. Everyone, from social networking sites such as Facebook, to bloggers in the blogosphere, to news stations such as CNN is broadcasting every piece of information concerning the latest "home wrecker, "legal matters or what juicy gossip may arise. I'm sure everyone's familiar with the "Top 3" home wrecking women in today's Celebrity World; Alicia Keys, Gabrielle Union and Fantasia Barrino, but In all fairness, let me go on ahead and sum of the situation concerning these ladies.

Alicia Keys- Accused of breaking up the marriage of Rap Artist and Record Producer Kasseem Dean ( AKA Swizz Beatz) and former wife and Singer Mashonda Tifrere -Dean. Supposedly, the two have been secretly involved with one another for two years during Dean's marriage, but didn't announce their involvement with one another until after the divorce was finalized. According to MaShonda, she had suspicions of the love affair, but when she questioned the both of them, they denied their involvement. When in May 2009, both Swizz Beatz and Ms Keys announced the two's involvement, MaShonda grew upset and lashed out to Ms Keys in the infamous Twitter message addressed to Alicia. Now, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz have married one another and are expecting their first child in November

Gabrielle Union- Recently announced her involvement with NBA All Star Dwayne Wade, once his divorce from his Ex Wife was finalized. Like Alicia and Swizz, the 37 year old Gabrielle Union and 28 year old Dwayne Wade kept the relationship under wraps to avoid bad press or any other suspicions. Siohvaughn, Wade's Ex wife, has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against Union in the following months of the finalization of their divorce, accusing Union of many " inappropriate behavior including "engaging in sexual foreplay" with Wade in front of their two young sons, 8 and 2; and other accusations of endangering the boys mental and physical health

Fantasia Barrino- Who, might I add, received the BUTT of public scrutiny, is currently dating Antwuan Cook, who recently divorced his wife. The two have been involved with one another for over a year during the time Cook was married to his wife. Although Barrino claims that Cook and his wife were separated during that time, Mrs Cook didn't see it that way and filed a lawsuit against Barrino accusing her of "seducing her husband" and having an affair with him while he was still living in the home.Overwhelmed by the lawsuit, Barrino was hospitalized under the suspicions of attempted suicide. After this incident, news stations such as CNN took full coverage of her story, revealing to the media as much information possible, including claims that it was all a publicity stunt.

So what's the connection with these 3 stories? All of these women, some who you may have least expected, got involved with Married men, and not long after, these men end up divorcing their current wives and embark on relationships and even MARRIAGE with the "other woman." And seemingly, the Ex wife takes her frustration out on the other woman in the situation.

SO here's my Problem with these situations

Why is it... that not only the wives involved but the media, tabloids and press, tend to seek vengeance against the OTHER WOMAN in the situation and not the man? Last I checked, the man wrote and took the vows to stay faithful to his wife on their wedding, be a provider, protector and willing to work through whatever problems the two may have in the marriage. He and his wife set up a Home, kids, and at the time, a future to stay together "for better or for worse" and "till death due us part." Now that the husband steps out and violates his marital vows, it seems as if the Other woman is the one who receives public criticism, as if she had the upper hand in this decision to breach the marital contract between the man and his wife.

Now, let's not overlook the women in this situation who have been affected in the worst way in this situation. I don't want to down play their feelings by any means. I mean, I can only imagine how it must feel to have dreams and aspirations of a beautiful marriage, family and life, all to have it seemingly stolen away by someone else.

Little Known Fact ( and case in point):
How many of you knew about the baby girl named Nicole Jahna whom a woman by the last name of Sebastian gave birth to by Swizz Beatz back in July of 2008?? This child was conceived DURING his marriage to MaShonda. However, this particular incident was swept under the rug and overlooked by MaShonda. Now that he is currently involved with Alicia Keys, it's a completely different story! Why isn't Swizz Beatz held accountable for anything?? He clearly stepped out on his wife on more than one account with more than one woman.

And the WOMAN gets the bad rap???

Homes broken, dreams crushed and in most cases, finances in a bind, but, my question to these wives and the media in general... who exactly is the REAL Home wrecker?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Who is this Weird Chick? Why We Need More Weirdos in Black Music

Weirdo: an odd, eccentric, or unconventional person.

Some time ago, I was over at Clutch Magazine, watching Janelle Monae’s latest video, a remix of “Tightrope,” featuring Lupe Fiasco and B.O.B. While I’m not sure that I liked the collaboration, I found myself interested in some of the readers’ comments about Janelle Monae. I decided to check other posts and reader’s comments about her on the site. One post, a summary of an interview done with Rolling Stone Magazine, discussed her response to lesbian rumors. Her evasion of the questions is pretty hilarious and actually rather clever. But I was really taken by one of the reader’s comments:

Fox says:

July 10, 2010 at 11:40 am

LOL. I’m not gonna lie when I first saw her I said, “Who is this weird chick?” But she is doing her thing and obviously doesn’t care about what people are saying. She doesn’t owe anyone any explanation about her personal life because they don’t have to live it. I respect that! I love her answers.

I’m not remotely concerned about her private life, although I would be pretty ecstatic to find out that she is a lesbian or bisexual. However, I’m mostly interested in one aspect of Fox’s comments: “Who is this weird chick?” Yes, she is weird. It hit me: actually, we need more weird chicks and dudes on the black music scene. Indeed, one of our weirdest musicians, Michael Jackson, is no longer with us. I’m not saying we need them to be THAT weird, no offense to MJ. Maybe Prince weird…at least he’s still alive and didn’t f-up his face in the name of trying to be something that he’s not.

So, it got me to thinking. I LOVE the weird black artists who manage to rise from the underground. Janelle Monae. The Noisette’s lead singer Shinga Shoniwa. TV on the Radio. Bloc Party's lead singer Kele Okereke. Kanye West (check out the recent photo leak of him with a faux-hawk/mullet licking the faded head of his girlfriend. Pretty weird.). Santogold. Ebony Bones. Bilal. Andre 3000. Cody Chestnutt. Gnarls Barkley. Erykah Badu (Queen of Weird). Grace Jones (High Priestess of Weird). Prince (His Majesty Weirdness).

We need more black music weirdos! Why? They are fun. They liven things up and keep us on our toes. But, more importantly, they help break up some of the monotonous conformity on the black music scene. They challenge the world of black music and the world of music in general to keep up and keep evolving. As much as I can’t stand Lil Wayne, I even appreciate him (only slightly) for his strange persona, especially in light of a recent rock video, “Knockout,” that he did with Nicki Minaj.

Black music weirdos are most important, perhaps, because they are a refreshing change for overlooked and underappreciated black weirdos everywhere. For all those black girls who don’t subscribe to certain general beauty standards, who listen to everything from David Bowie and Franz Ferdinand to Curtis Mayfield and Jill Scott, who you can catch everywhere from “beauty to thrift stores” (to quote Common). For those girls…for girls like me, folks like Janelle Monae and Andre 3000 and Prince allow us to see ourselves reflected in pop culture. For all those black boys rocking faux hawks and skinny jeans, rocking out to everything from The Doors and TV on the Radio to Lupe Fiasco and Lenny Williams, who you can catch everywhere from the hood to the suburbs. For those black boys, artists like Cee-lo of Gnarls Barkley and Cody Chestnut allow them a point of entry, someone they can identify with.

So bring on the weirdos! They are steadily filling up my Ipod, and I can’t wait for more. Who are some of your favorite weird black musicians, old and new?

Be sure to check out some of the songs in the playlist below. Click to play any song, and enjoy!




Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Unthinkable (I'm Ready)


Singer Alicia Keys croons, "If you ask me, I'm ready" in her latest single from her fourth LP, Element of Freedom. She did the unthinkable and expressed her readiness formally in an intimate wedding to producer Swizz Beatz in France just a week ago. Congratulations, Alicia and Swizz!

It's unthinkable for me to imagine being married at my age, though I thought I was "ready" to jump the broom at the tender age of 19 to a man just about 10 years my senior (who I might add, turned out to be a d-mn fool). Yeah, I know. He was not totally to blame in the situation, as I walked blindly into coupledom like the foolish young girl that I was. I hadn't been schooled on matters of the heart, how to go about a healthy relationship, or money management. I simply thought love was all I, he, or we needed. Boy, was I WRONG? I found myself thinking something similar to the lyrics of Keri Hilson's "What Channel?" constantly. We operated on two completely different wave lengths when it came to our expectations of one another, our finances, and just about everything else but sex, which made for nothing but TROUBLE in what I thought was paradise. After six months of shackin' and a year or so in, it was SPLITSVILLE. We nearly killed each other like an episode of Snapped. Okay, I'm kidding. Really! Some of you might read and protest that you could never be me, while others have played a similar role in their relationships, or some might even know someone with a parallel story. Well, never say never 'cause I never would've thought I would end up being that girl, yet I was. Now no matter where you are in your romantic affairs, we can all learn from today's lesson.

I think one of the most important things I learned from the experience is what my boo Hill Harper calls, "The Conversation." By that I mean, it's crucial to have communication and financial intimacy. When was the last time you and your honey talked about bread? No, I don't mean a loaf. Okay, if it's taking you that long to answer I say it's time for REAL TALK on the issue. Minimize future stress and headaches by getting clear on how you feel about individual and shared financial responsibilities. For instance, who will take care of the utilities at the crib, who will stay home to care of the kiddos if you choose to have them and who will work, or even if you will have separate bank accounts.

NOTE: If you're married and equally responsible, I'm all for shared accounts; however, if you AIN'T
married....(sigh) please don't. I'm just saying.

True story, all you grown and sexy strivers might like Lisa Peterson's Pillow Talk: Make Talking About Money Sexy in Your Marriage. As the saying goes, "Money talks," and Lisa says it doesn't have to be boring. Instead, it can be much more like foreplay. In an interview with 90.9 WBUR, Lisa told listeners to "Have a quickie. Try to quickly check in with each other, whether in person or through the use of little financial love notes." You might even like teasing 'em with a sexy text message or setting reminders with a cute pic in his favorite teddy. My girl Jacquette M. Timmons, author of Financial Intimacy, and the ladies over at DailyWorth suggest loving your boo and your stacks by playfully discussing doe and then progressing onto more serious talks like retirement, insurance, and wills as a team. Find out how financially compatible the two of you are with this quiz. Spend some QT and get to know what's old and new with your significant other with full disclosure and review one another's credit reports once or twice a year. Share your vision on where you'd like to be financially, collaborate to meet those goals, and work together to recover after a setback. However you do it is entirely up to you, but it's crucial that you do get it crackin' with baby about that cheddar. While you might not agree on everything, financial intimacy allows you two to strengthen your partnership.

So lesson #3 for young strivers is:

Become financially intimate with your partner, and gauge what you'd like and your situation to be sure you're really "ready" before doing the "unthinkable."

Questions to Think About
  1. Have you experienced relationship trouble because your opinion differs from your boo's on the subject of money?
  2. How "ready" are you for the next step in your relationship?
  3. How do you and your partner get your finances poppin' behind closed doors?