Why RayRay Gets the Girl...

By GuestBugs Brilliance and CeeNice

Lately, I have been hearing an increase in complaints from men about “nice guys” finishing last. For some reason, they believe that being the bad guy, or loser, or in some cases a total douche, is what women really want. Especially, the independent woman that has become increasingly popular, as desirable mates, thanks to the lovely Ms. Obama. Granted my sample of men is small, but I like the topic so we’ll go with it. For this one, I solicited the help of the Bestest– CeeNice. Be sure to click some of the links that highlighted throughout the blog.

My girls and I are probably just like you -- mostly independent women who are working their way up the career ladder.

We dream of finding the man of our dreams, yet for some reason we haven’t found him. Instead of passing the time alone, some of us date men we know aren’t good for us. The most infamous, as well as the subject of this post, is RayRay.

RayRay is generally the in-between-man, someone who you date or sleep with from time to time, but have no realistic expectation of building a relationship. CeeNice and I have dated our share of RayRays­—men who were clearly not anywhere near our level financially, emotionally, spiritually, academically or intellectually.

In any case, people always wonder why a woman of our caliber would date RayRay in the first place. In fact, I’ve wondered that myself.

So we spent about an hour jotting down the pros and cons of RayRay. Surprisingly, we found that on the outside RayRay actually has some strong points.

Below are our findings. Remember these are just for fun, so don’t get offended:

1) RayRay ALWAYS hollers EVEN when he shouldn’t—Homeless, bucktooth, or wearing yesterday’s clothes, nothing but God could stop RayRay from hollering…nothing at all. RayRay figures if he hollers at ten women at least one will bite. The sad part is, he’s right. RayRay essentially has nothing to lose and he knows it.

2) RayRay is a Professional Pipe Layer—Yes we said it. If he can’t take you out to a dinner or a movie, at the bare minimum he provides good to great sex. He temporarily replaces our B.O.B., Battery Operated Boyfriend, and sometimes you need that.

3) RayRay is there when you need him—No need to coordinate schedules with this dude. Call him anytime day or night and he will be there. He also gets lost when you don’t want him any longer.

4) Despite his flaws he’s smart—He can hold a conversation, watches the news, and has relevant opinions. He’s also street smart, and you often feel safe around him.

5) He knows what he has—RayRay thinks you’re wonderful. Makes you feel like you’re the queen of the hood. He’s proud of your accomplishments and tries his best to treat you accordingly. Even if he does fall short.

On a serious tip:

RayRays come around during a time in our lives where we’re experiencing a dry spell. He just shows up on those days when we’re especially lonely and maybe a little desperate. When guys wonder how we end up with “losers” sometimes it’s simply because he hollered.

It feels good to have a guy be proud of your accomplishments. When a guy like RayRay says he can’t believe he’s talking to someone of your status it makes some of us feel good.

Overall RayRay situations rarely work. At some point you realize that he’s where he’s going to be emotionally, physically, intellectually, academically, and professionally for the rest of his life. If you want more for yourself then you will soon find yourself ready to move on.

As for the guys—If you’re a good guy with your stuff together then I encourage you to get out there and ask women out. RayRay does it without fear. You should too. In fact, a lot of us have been waiting for you our whole lives.

Well we’re done, so feel free to debate, and share your own RayRay stories in the comment section below.

Credits: photo #1: jonfeinstein creative commons photo stream.

Thank Me Later

Actor/Rapper Aubrey Graham (better known as Drake of Lil' Wayne's Young Money Ent.) recently released his first full-length album titled, “Thank Me Later.” Despite our country's slumped economy and high unemployment rates, more than a few of us made it to Best Buy, Radio Shack, Circuit City, or hit up iTunes to cop Drizzy's latest music. Thanks to you, you, you, and you the album debuted at number one on the Billboard 200. With only three weeks in, Thank Me Later is still on the Billboard's Top 10 countdown. On behalf of Drake, a good friend of mine in my head, I'd like to thank you for your support.

Most of you know where I'm going with this, but some of you might wonder just what this has to do with personal finance. While I can't knock Drake's hustle 'cause it is STUPENDOUS, I can say a lot of young adults' lack a hustle or if they've got one, it's more than weak. Why do I say this? For starters, most young adults rarely seek guidance or use resources because we know it all or think we do. As a result, a bunch of us are floundering around and pretending to have it all together in the process when we clearly DON'T. Well, I'm ringing the alarm like Beyonce, and it's time to wake the hell up. Yeah, I said it. Now join me in class for lesson #2 for young strivers!

Young Money
I'm moving pass the music, so I can really school you today. Young Money isn't just an entertainment group or recording label; there's a personal finance web magazine that I adore with the same name. From advice on checking and savings accounts to career tips, suggestions on how to reduce your debt, entrepreneurship, and investing, this magazine has got you and me covered. I can't help but say, "Young Mula, baby" in my best Weezy voice whenever I log on 'cause I know that's where I'm headed by reading this magazine.

More Resources

• What's the Dealio? Comparison shop for just about ERRthing and get discount codes at this website and others like Pronto, PriceGrabber, and RetailMeNot. Don't forget sites like Bankrate where you can find the best checking, savings, mortgage, car, and credit card rates among tons of other financial 411. I personally like to look for rates every six months or so to ensure I'm getting the highest interest possible on my savings.
• Get government assistance, and no, I don't mean food stamps! Check out the government's way of supporting financial literacy with the FDIC's Money Smart finance program or the Financial Literacy and Education Commission's website. Both sites provide FREE guidance for managing and planning our financial futures whether we're in college, unemployed, single/married/divorced, starting a business, buying a home, or adopting a baby.
• Save on cable by watching TV online at your favorite network's website, Fancast, Hulu, or Netflix. Watch PBS' Your Life Your Money episodes on the web, play games, or access a budget calculator, glossary, and other tools that'll help you get on financial track.
• Read magazines? Well, Maghound offers reduced price subscriptions on all the best magazine titles. Get three magazines for just $4.95 per month; that's three magazines for the newsstand price of one! I stay up on all things money by ordering Kiplinger's, Money, and Black Enterprise from my friends at Maghound.
• Be in the know, and order your FREE Annual Credit Report today. I suggest you review your report closely for any discrepancies and dispute them as soon as possible. You can also order your scores from each of the credit bureaus or at a site called MyFICO, one of my good friend's Suze Orman suggests. If you find it hard to sift through all the information on a credit report, some of you may like Credit.com's FREE credit report card. The site pulls information from your credit file and gives you a letter grade. I hope we're all aiming for an A+!
• Cut down your student loan debt with retail therapy. Yeah, I'm telling you to spend and save in the process. With Sallie Mae's Upromise, you can save by shopping at retailers in-store or online, dining out at the hottest restaurants, purchasing gas, lodging a number of hotels from the W Hotel to the Holiday Inn, or by taking brief surveys at e-Rewards. Guess what? It's FREE!
• Get your hustle on and find your next gig online at QuietAgent where you can hunt for jobs anonymously. Be included before being excluded because of your race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnic name, or that hideous tattoo of your baby daddy or baby momma's name.
• Still got questions? Seek the advice of a professional like the personal banker at your local credit union, a certified financial planner, a mentor, or maybe even a life coach like Kandice of Helping You Live the Good Life in Real Life.

In short, lesson #2 for young strivers:

To earn money, you've gotta learn money (and the resources available to you). Here, I've given you just a handful to get you started...for this, you can Thank Me Later! Class is dismissed.

Questions to Think About:

1. How would you rate your hustle and personal finances on a scale of 1 to 10?
2. Do you make use of resources and financial tools to get ahead? If so, what are those? If not, why?

Leave your comments below.

That’s Just ma Baby Daddy

You know……usually, you know how there’s like……a popular song right? And so popular that people start using the catch phrase for a while? For example, the song “Show Stoppers” by Danity Kane; every girl in the club started to claim to be a so called show-stopper. Every dude that was in love was a Bug-A-Boo (Destiny’s Child) and at one point, girls were referred to as Pigeons and all men who didn’t have a job or car were Scrubs. However, most of these phrases tend to wear out their welcome and die off pretty quickly. Well, all but a few ones, such as Baby Daddy or Baby Momma, seem to stand the test of time and are still used as frequently today as they were back in 96 or 97 when that particular song came out. In fact, it probably means more now because now that we are older… some of us may be considered baby mommas or daddies.

Honestly, I don’t like this particular term. It’s just too ghetto and I find it sickening that people have just rolled over and accepted being a baby momma or baby daddy; along with many other phrases, I’m not saying that I’ve never used terms like this prior, however, now that I am older and am learning better, I plan on doing better, for starters, erasing this from my vocabulary from this point on. My hope is that people will one day abandon this mindset as it is in no way shape or form uplifting especially in the African American community. What ever happened to giving a parent of your children a little more respect? Respect enough to at least say “mother or father of my child” or something along the lines of that? Or how about government names….? What ever happened to those??? It’s gotten so bad that some people even have the audacity to approach you and say things to the nature of “ hey aren’t you such and such baby momma?” (this actually happens to a friend of mine often) this is just absurd to me.

Since when has it been okay to be a Hot Ghetto Mess? Last time I checked, it was repulsive, looked down upon and laughed at. Remember how back in the days, music used to reflect something so totally different? Take rap groups like NWA ( Ice Cube, Eazy- Z, Dr Dre and others) used to talk about living and growing up in the ghetto, but their message wasn’t so glamorous and certainly wasn’t anything of a laughing matter. Now we have music glorifying things we really shouldn’t, such as a single mother or father depicted as a baby momma or baby daddy. I understand that sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying, but come on now. We have to draw the line somewhere. Seriously, who really wants to be referred to as a baby momma or baby daddy? Seriously???